Well, we’re very nearly into Spring, for those of you keeping track of the seasons. I see you out there, Maxwell Keeper! There are several premieres this week, including the returns of two of my favorite shows – Review and Hap and Leonard. It’s a swell TV week all around!
Also? Kong: Skull Island is super fun. Not only do you get giant monsters fighting, but you get John C. Reilly at his most unhinged, swell folks like Tom Hiddleston and Brie Larson, and official spunkybuddy Marc Evan Jackson. I really enjoyed watching it and you’ll probably like it. I mean, John C. Reilly fights little pterodactyls with a katana, which is not something you ever could have pictured but it happened and it’s awesome.
Here’s what to watch on TV this week!
10-12 am Humans – Hey, we get two episodes tonight! Guess who’s not getting any sleep tonight! Mia returns to the Hawkins, Odi looks for a purpose, Athena discovers Milo’s plan, Leo and Hester stake out the Silo and it should all be awesome.
8-8:30 New Girl – Schmidt and Cece obsess over home security and Winston learns an embarrassing secret about Aly. I do not think that’s the correct spelling of her name, but the Internet says I’m wrong. Fine.
8-9 The Flash – Barry turns to the Speed Force for answers and I see this show has now confused the Speed Force with the actual Force. That happened in the comics, too. Nerds, I swear…
9-10 DC’s Legends of Tomorrow – The Legends head to NASA in 1970 to get the last piece of the Spear of Destiny. Because the title is “Moonshot”, I’m assuming said piece is on the moon and they’ll need the services of…. Space Cabbie! (That will probably not happen.)
9-10 This Is Us – SEASON FINALE! Jack heads to Cleveland in the past, which in the present, Kate, Kevin, and Randall make big decisions about their futures. I’m hoping that based on the Ron Howard cameo, Kevin will have a role in the next season of Arrested Development. Let’s be honest, Maebe totally greenlit The Manny.
10-11 Trial & Error – SERIES PREMIERE! Well, it’s a comedy about a murder trial. Sounds hilarious, right? There are some decent laughs in the ads, but the full trailer wore out its welcome in about two minutes. Maybe worth checking out, but don’t hold me to it.
10-11:10 The Americans – Philip and Elizabeth face a new mission with devastating implications for their country. That’s longer than a typical FX description, but no less vague.
10-10:30 The Detour – It’s a flashback to the night the twins were born on Halloween! So, um, I didn’t realize they were supposed to be twins. I mean, they look like they’re the same age, but I didn’t make that connection as if I forgot that twins exist. And I’m related to twins!
10-10:30 Teachers – Adler coaches the kickball teams and is surprised that the team is full of “over-confident dweebs”. But let’s be honest, that’s exactly who plays kickball, right?
10:30-11 Detroiters – A new tech company moves into Tim and Sam’s building and Tim develops a crush on one of the women. I am already trying to picture Tim flirting and it’s making me laugh.
8-9 Survivor – One tribe member leaves his teammates stranded in the ocean so he can look for an immunity idol. OK, that’s pretty great. Hopefully the show doesn’t spend a lot of time showing said castaway talking about how people should expect this if they saw his season because there’s a reason he’s a game changer. Except that’s totally what they’re going to do.
8-9 Arrow – Oliver gets closer to the truth about Prometheus in an episode titled “Checkmate”. Remember when Prometheus started appearing in a bunch of DC Comics and he was written so badly that somebody did a story that every post-JLA appearance was an impostor Prometheus? But he still wasn’t written any better after that? I think about that a lot.
8-8:30 The Goldbergs – Barry starts checking out medical schools which stills seems unlikely but then I think about the person I know who’s a doctor and that sort of tracks.
9-9:30 Modern Family – Mitchell knocks over an urn containing the ashes of Cam’s beloved pet pig. Not really striving for “relatable” anymore, are they?
9:30-10 Blackish – Dre considers paternity leave, and my immediate reaction is that paternity leave isn’t a thing. But that’s because I come back to my father’s level of involvement with raising children and it did not warrant time off from work. I understand that there are non-terrible dads out there, though.
10-11 Legion – David goes back to where everything started, which could mean just about anything on this show. Heck, maybe he’s going all the way to the Big Bang.
10-11 Hap and Leonard: Mucho Mojo – SERIES PREMIERE! Aw, yeah! Hap and Leonard are back for a new miniseries, and this one is based on my favorite of the books! I love this show.
8-9 MasterChef Junior – The kids get a Presidential Mystery Box inspired by Michelle Obama’s White House garden. I was going to make a presidential joke, but I don’t need that hassle. I can only imagine that the dude who emails me every two weeks about Suicide Squad probably doesn’t share my political beliefs and will be happy to let me know.
8:30-9 Powerless – Van is on a witch hunt, which could potentially be an actual witch since this is set in the DC Universe and the government has a 6,000 year old witch on the payroll, even thought she’s really just there to turn evil before we even get to know her so there are no emotional stakes in the turn. Seriously, Suicide Squad was really bad.
10-10:30 Baskets – Martha learns to haggle at a yard sale. I would think that would involve a degree of human interaction with which she would be completely uncomfortable.
10-10:30 Review – SEASON PREMIERE! Yay! One of my favorite shows in the world returns for a short final season. This week, Forrest returns to work and reviews a new fast food product, living his dream, and… pet euthanasia. Well, it’s not getting less dark!
Shrink – SERIES PREMIERE! A new series starring the great Tim Baltz as a therapist. Seeson’s originals have been on point and I love Baltz. He is, after all, Skip Dribbles: Basketball Comedian. That’s one of the things I’ve laughed hardest at in my entire life. “So what you’re saying is, it’s possible for your crush to become your slam piece?”
Iron Fist – SERIES PREMIERE! The newest Marvel series premieres and introduces the final member of the Defenders. I want to be excited about this, but the early reviews are really bad. Maybe it’s possible that a character entirely rooted in a short lived fad from the Seventies isn’t a great choice for a TV series in 2017? I’ll give it a shot, though!
7:30-8 Bob’s Burgers – Linda chaperones Tina’s weekend at a heroine conference, so Gene and Louise make plans for a weekend with Bob. I assume those plans are rooted in the simple truth that he’s too tired to stop them from doing anything.
8-8:30 The Simpsons – Marge worries that Bart is destined to become a failure and Homer opens a trophy store. I know they’re going to repeat themselves after all these years, but this won’t even be the first time a Simpson has opened a store in the Year of our Lord 2017.
8:30-9 Making History – Deborah discovers that Dan isn’t really a brilliant inventor and Chris tries to get tenure. Huh. This is sort of brushing off the whole cliffhanger, isn’t it? They’re going to get that resolved in the first two minutes.
9:30-10 The Last Man on Earth – Todd and Tandy look into Melissa’s pre-virus past and I absolutely love it whenever they touch on this stuff. Like how Tandy stalked an arena football player? I bring that up all the time.
9-10 The Walking Dead – The Saviors visit Hilltop unexpectedly. Well, at least that means Maggie might make one of her three appearances per season!
10-11 Into the Badlands – SEASON PREMIERE! I watched every episode of the first season and don’t remember anything about it other than that the fight scenes were awesome and I have a crush on The Widow. Also, DirecTV still classifies this show as “sports”.
11-12 Talking Dead – A panel of guests discuss the new episode. This week’s panel: Turtle from Entourage, Paul Ryan, and Tali’Zorah nar Rayya. (Panel subject to change because I just now made them up.)
“The time for mourning and blaming our mayors has passed.” — Mayor Quimby
“Why does anything matter? Love is an illusion and happiness is fleeting and there’s no such thing as God and all your favorite musicians beat their wives. Allegedly.” — Diane Nguyen