It’s a light week, but we get the season premieres of Legion and Big Brother so that’s kind of my summer right there. I hope you’re doing well and that you enjoyed Toy Story 4. Somebody asked me if it was better than the third one, and I really had to think about it and there’s a chance that Toy Story 3 is my actual favorite movie and I don’t know what to do with that.
Here’s what to watch on TV this week!
8-10 American Ninja Warrior – It’s the Seattle Qualifiers, including an obstacle called “Lunatic Ledges”. You know, I didn’t care for that new obstacle from last week with the fake trees because it was so visually dissonant from the rest of the course and I wasn’t clear on what people were doing. I also talked to somebody who has a friend that actually designs obstacles for this show, but I can’t remember who it was or the context in which I talked to a new person.
9-10 Years and Years – SERIES PREMIERE! This miniseries originally aired on the BBC and tells the story of an extended family over fifteen years. What’s the hook, you ask? I don’t know, but it was created by original Doctor Who revival showrunner Russell T. Davies, so they’ve got my attention.
10-11:08 Legion – SEASON PREMIERE! It’s the final season of the X-Men show in which the X-Men never appear and nobody mentions them. We know that David’s a cult leader this season, there’s a lot of Alice in Wonderland imagery, and they’re using the tagline “It’s always blue”, which is maddening considering my issues with the way the color symbolism changes in between seasons.
8-9 Big Brother – SEASON PREMIERE! Yes! Summer can officially begin! Check out our recaps all summer as we gradually lose our minds. It’s going to be great!
10-10:30 Drunk History – This week, we get stories of John Lennon and Sam Cooke and my DVR cut off the end last week so I don’t know who’s going to be appearing. Will they give us CBB fans a shoutout by casting Mike Hanford as Lennon?
10:30-11 The Detour – The Parkers head home to find their daughter. Wouldn’t it be weird if they just did what I presume is the final season back at home? I feel like they can’t travel farther than they already have, so let’s mix it up again.
8-9 Big Brother – The second episode! We don’t know what events are set for the first week, so I have nothing to say yet. Also, my 2019 Big Brother crush is still undetermined.
9-11 The Amazing Race – SEASON FINALE! This has been such a fun season, and even thought there’s still a Big Brother team in the mix, I am really rooting for Colin and Christie. And if you told me I’d be saying that one day back when I was watching Season Five, I’d tell you that you were insane. Especially if the version of you from 2019 told me who the President is. Sure, he is. And I bet they made a Justice League movie and I didn’t see it. Pull the other one.
8-9 MasterChef – Mystery box challenge! And according to the listing, there’s a curveball halfway though the challenge. I hope it’s that they have to separate what they’ve already made back into its original components. Let ’em figure that out!
10-10:30 Archer:1999 – Archer and the crew pick up a hitchhiker and try to convince him to turn his life around. How messed up to you have to be for Archer to give you solid life advice?
8-9 Holey Moley – You know what? The first episode of this miniature golf competition was a lot of fun. I’m going to keep watching this and having a darn blast.
8-9 MasterChef – I’m a little worried that they’re doing this show two nights a week. Let me savor the season! Regardless, it’s one of those episodes where they have to replicate a dish, and I enjoy those very much. Especially when somebody just straight up starts from the wrong base assumption. Like getting the wrong protein and going from there. It’s great!
10-10:30 Baskets – “Martha drinks too much sherry and ruins the pot roast”. How is Martha even in a situation where she has access to pot roast? Clearly, they need to answer some questions.
8-9 Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – Enoch, Fitz, and Simmons “find themselves in yet another gambling dilemma”. Even the listing thinks somebody involved has a gambling problem and you know, maybe it’s time for an intervention.
8-10 BattleBots – No information available. But you pretty much know the drill.
8-9 Big Brother – Sunday episode usually means nomination, but things can be kind of janky the first week. We’ll see what happens!
9:30-10 What Just Happened??! – SERIES PREMIERE! This sounds fun – it’s an aftershow hosted by Fred Savage but for a show that doesn’t exist. It’s like Talking Dead but there really isn’t a Walking Dead. Is it sustainable? I tried to pitch something similar and got a big fat “no”, so maybe it isn’t. We’ll see!
9-10 Fear the Walking Dead – Al endangers her life by chasing a story, which I guess is a spoilee since we haven’t seen her for several episodes and her fate has been up in the air. Or maybe it’s not a spoilee after tonight’s episode airs. There are a lot of moving parts here.
“Nothing can make up for almost killing me over a briefcase of what I can only assume is either plutonium or a human soul.” — Sterling Archer
“We’re in trouble here. Enemies are at the gates – inside the gates! Fornicating with our cookware!” — Sy Feltz