Hi all!

It’s a light week, but we get the season premieres of Legion and Big Brother so that’s kind of my summer right there. I hope you’re doing well and that you enjoyed Toy Story 4. Somebody asked me if it was better than the third one, and I really had to think about it and there’s a chance that Toy Story 3 is my actual favorite movie and I don’t know what to do with that.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

 

MONDAY

NBC

8-10 American Ninja Warrior – It’s the Seattle Qualifiers, including an obstacle called “Lunatic Ledges”. You know, I didn’t care for that new obstacle from last week with the fake trees because it was so visually dissonant from the rest of the course and I wasn’t clear on what people were doing. I also talked to somebody who has a friend that actually designs obstacles for this show, but I can’t remember who it was or the context in which I talked to a new person.

HBO

9-10 Years and Years – SERIES PREMIERE! This miniseries originally aired on the BBC and tells the story of an extended family over fifteen years. What’s the hook, you ask? I don’t know, but it was created by original Doctor Who revival showrunner Russell T. Davies, so they’ve got my attention.

FX

10-11:08 Legion – SEASON PREMIERE! It’s the final season of the X-Men show in which the X-Men never appear and nobody mentions them. We know that David’s a cult leader this season, there’s a lot of Alice in Wonderland imagery, and they’re using the tagline “It’s always blue”, which is maddening considering my issues with the way the color symbolism changes in between seasons.

 

TUESDAY

CBS

8-9 Big Brother – SEASON PREMIERE! Yes! Summer can officially begin! Check out our recaps all summer as we gradually lose our minds. It’s going to be great!

COMEDY CENTRAL

10-10:30 Drunk History – This week, we get stories of John Lennon and Sam Cooke and my DVR cut off the end last week so I don’t know who’s going to be appearing. Will they give us CBB fans a shoutout by casting Mike Hanford as Lennon?

TBS

10:30-11 The Detour – The Parkers head home to find their daughter. Wouldn’t it be weird if they just did what I presume is the final season back at home? I feel like they can’t travel farther than they already have, so let’s mix it up again.

 

WEDNESDAY

CBS

8-9 Big Brother – The second episode! We don’t know what events are set for the first week, so I have nothing to say yet. Also, my 2019 Big Brother crush is still undetermined.

9-11 The Amazing Race – SEASON FINALE! This has been such a fun season, and even thought there’s still a Big Brother team in the mix, I am really rooting for Colin and Christie. And if you told me I’d be saying that one day back when I was watching Season Five, I’d tell you that you were insane. Especially if the version of you from 2019 told me who the President is. Sure, he is. And I bet they made a Justice League movie and I didn’t see it. Pull the other one.

FOX

8-9 MasterChef – Mystery box challenge! And according to the listing, there’s a curveball halfway though the challenge. I hope it’s that they have to separate what they’ve already made back into its original components. Let ’em figure that out!

FXX

10-10:30 Archer:1999 – Archer and the crew pick up a hitchhiker and try to convince him to turn his life around. How messed up to you have to be for Archer to give you solid life advice?

 

THURSDAY

ABC

8-9 Holey Moley – You know what? The first episode of this miniature golf competition was a lot of fun. I’m going to keep watching this and having a darn blast.

FOX

8-9 MasterChef – I’m a little worried that they’re doing this show two nights a week. Let me savor the season! Regardless, it’s one of those episodes where they have to replicate a dish, and I enjoy those very much. Especially when somebody just straight up starts from the wrong base assumption. Like getting the wrong protein and going from there. It’s great!

FX

10-10:30 Baskets – “Martha drinks too much sherry and ruins the pot roast”. How is Martha even in a situation where she has access to pot roast? Clearly, they need to answer some questions.

 

FRIDAY

ABC

8-9 Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – Enoch, Fitz, and Simmons “find themselves in yet another gambling dilemma”. Even the listing thinks somebody involved has a gambling problem and you know, maybe it’s time for an intervention.

DISCOVERY

8-10 BattleBots – No information available. But you pretty much know the drill.

 

SUNDAY

CBS

8-9 Big Brother – Sunday episode usually means nomination, but things can be kind of janky the first week. We’ll see what happens!

FOX

9:30-10 What Just Happened??! – SERIES PREMIERE! This sounds fun – it’s an aftershow hosted by Fred Savage but for a show that doesn’t exist. It’s like Talking Dead but there really isn’t a Walking Dead. Is it sustainable? I tried to pitch something similar and got a big fat “no”, so maybe it isn’t. We’ll see!

AMC

9-10 Fear the Walking Dead – Al endangers her life by chasing a story, which I guess is a spoilee since we haven’t seen her for several episodes and her fate has been up in the air. Or maybe it’s not a spoilee after tonight’s episode airs. There are a lot of moving parts here.

 

“Nothing can make up for almost killing me over a briefcase of what I can only assume is either plutonium or a human soul.” — Sterling Archer

 

“We’re in trouble here. Enemies are at the gates – inside the gates! Fornicating with our cookware!” — Sy Feltz

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