Hi all!

We’ve got a pretty decent week, including the premiere of the Steve Buscemi comedy Miracle Workers and the DC Universe series Doom Patrol. You do not want to get me started on how much I love the Doom Patrol. I would like a job writing for the Doom Patrol. Please somebody get me in touch with them.

I liked LEGO Movie 2 a lot, but I don’t really have anything to say about it at this moment. Just general positive vibes.

Here’s what you’ll be watching this week!

 

MONDAY

CBS

9-10 Celebrity Big Brother – It’s the penultimate episode and it feels like there are way too many people in the house. I’m not convinced they’ve actually eliminated anybody.

NBC

10-11 Manifest – Michaela meets “the mysterious James Griffin”, which is a bad name for a mysterious person. Maybe Jimmy the Griff?

TNT

9-10 I Am the Night – Fauna is suspicious that Corinna is hiding her mother and Jay gets a visit from the LAPD. I don’t really have anything funny to say about this show, but it’s been very good!

TRUTV

10:30-11 Jon Glaser Loves Gear – On a snowboarding trip, Jon realizes that his son may be anti-Gear. I mean, I assume this will tear the family apart. Moreso.

 

TUESDAY

NBC

9-10 This Is Us – Randall and Kate reflect on differing memories of their childhood. Wouldn’t it be weird if this show turned into an examination of the Mandela effect and Kate was insisting Sinbad starred in a genie movie?

COMEDY CENTRAL

10-10:30 Drunk History – This episode focuses on love, and if I am not mistaken, I believe this is the long-awaited Alison Brie episode. (As a re-enactor, not as a drinker.) I mean, it’s been awaited since the season trailer showed her, but in another way, we’ve been waiting since episode one.

10:30-11 Corporate – The main characters run afoul of accounting after an expensive dinner. I dream of one day having a corporate card that can accommodate specious purchases. Somebody hire and then rapidly promote me!

TBS

10:30-11 Miracle Workers – SERIES PREMIERE! Hey, this looks fun. It’s a comedy about a couple of angels, one of whom is Harry Potter, try to convince God not to destroy the world. And who plays God? Well, Steve Buscemi, of course.

 

WEDNESDAY

FOX

8-9 Gordon Ramsay’s 24 Hours to Hell and Back – Gordon renovates a karaoke bar in LA. Which sounds great, but man, last week’s episode should have been a miniseries. I would have watched all 24 hours of that voyage.

ABC

8-8:30 The Goldbergs – It’s a Valentine’s Day episode, so that’s a thing we all have to deal with. I’m dead inside, OK?

8:30-9 Schooled – There’s a production of Rent and then Tim Meadows tries to update the health education program. I know his character has a name, but he’s Tim Meadows and we all know it.

9:30-10 Single Parents – Another Valentine’s episode, but this one sports the title “A Cash-Grab Cooked Up by the Crepe Paper Industry”, which is pretty good.

CBS

9-11 Celebrity Big Brother – SEASON FINALE! Somebody is going to win the dang show tonight! But the real winner is the viewer because Ryan Lochte left so early. That dude is hard to take.

SYFY

10-11 Deadly Class – Marcus overdoses on acid while on his way to Vegas. It’s like he’s never read the first two pages of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

TRUTV

10-10:30 I’m Sorry – Andrea leans that one of the teacher’s aides is being cheated on. Man, that is a level of interest in a child’s education that my parents never once exhibited.

 

THURSDAY

FOX

8-9 GothamGordon assembles an unlikely task force to stop Dorrance, Lee Tompkins returns, and Penguin and Selina team up. Awesome! I love when this show describes a group as “unlikely” because here it means there’s a chance that, like, the Mad Hatter and Poison Ivy are on the team.

NBC

9-9:30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Jake and Rosa deal with a mother in mourning as they work a crime scene. Um. That does not sound like a comedy description. Did they swap this out with Chicago PD?

BRAVO

8-9 Top Chef – “Fried chicken is featured”. In a season set in Kentucky? NO! (Also, they really haven’t done much fried chicken because that’s really more of a chain restaurant thing than an actual regional tradition, but I made my joke and I’m sticking to it.)

COMEDY CENTRAL

10:30-11 The Other Two – Chase releases a socially progressive music video about his brother. Hee! Man, that bit about Cary having to play his commercial audition straight last week was so funny. “You’re gay, you’re at a party, and you smell a fart? That’s three things you’re asking the viewer to keep track of!”

 

FRIDAY

DC UNIVERSE

Doom Patrol – SERIES PREMIERE! Finally, that DC Universe subscription pays off as one of my favorite teams comes to TV. There is a chance that I might recap this show, but I’m not sure there’s enough interest from the outside world and I’m going to have to ask people to get a petition together if they want to see it.

 

SATURDAY

NBC

11:30-1 am Saturday Night Live – Don Cheadle hosts! I like that in theory, since he always comes off as charming and funny, but also, it’s not like he makes comedies or anything.

 

SUNDAY

FOX

8-8:30 The Simpsons – Krusty reveals the untold story of his past and I feel like there aren’t too many years we haven’t really plumbed. Also, Krusty is easily in his mid-90s by now.

8:30-9 Bob’s Burgers – Tina befriends a goose when Jimmy Jr. doesn’t ask her to prom. OK, this show is perfect.

STARZ

8-9 Counterpart – SEASON FINALE! Much like in Gotham, unlikely alliances are formed. In this case, those alliances probably won’t include super villains but will probably include multiple versions of the same person.

HBO

9-10 True Detective – Wayne and Roland track down a man who left the police force in the middle of the police investigation. The only question is in what time period they’re doing this. I believe this is the penultimate episode, and I love using the word ‘penultimate’. It’s no ‘antepenultimate’, but I take what I can get.

AMC

9-10:07 The Walking Dead – A new arrival at Hilltop opens up about the mask-wearing savages. Man, I feel like those people wearing zombie masks are less scary than actual zombies but also less scary than other people. They can’t kill you with a bite, but they also clearly don’t have any weapons or plans beyond standing in a field and moaning.

 

“I would say I outdid myself, but I’m always this good. So I simply did myself.” — Tahani Al-Jamil

 

“Well, look at this group, having some kind of meeting and being so diverse. There is just one of every kind of you, isn’t there?” — Dean Pelton

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