Hi all!

It’s another light week, because July dropped the TV ball. But it’ll be better in August, I promise. We get the returns of Better Call Saul, Ozark, and Venture Bros. plus the premieres of Disenchantment and Jack Ryan. So we’ve just got to tough out a few more days of the July drought.

I just got back from doing an Escape Room because my friends are lovely people who did a nice thing for me. It was super fun and it kind of involved a TARDIS, which couldn’t be more perfect.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week.

MONDAY

NBC

8-10 American Ninja Warrior – It’s the Dallas Finals, including new obstacle Fallout. I assume competitors will be exposed to radiation and either die or become superheroes.

 

TUESDAY

COMEDY CENTRAL

10-10:30 Drunk History – SEASON FINALE! No information available, but maybe it’s about season finales. Man, there’s a pitch. Get me drunk and ask me questions about TV and an hour later I’m still talking about the last episode of Justified.

 

WEDNESDAY

CBS

8-9 Big Brother – Veto competition! And remember, nothing this week matters because Sam’s Power App kicks in and automatically puts the fourth evictee back in the house. It’ll be like recapping an old school sitcom where everything has to go back to normal at the end of the episode.

FOX

8-9 MasterChef – This week’s elimination challenge requires them to create a cheese souffle, and if I’ve learned nothing else from cooking shows, it’s that apparently it’s totally random whether a souffle falls or not and everybody will spend the challenge panicking.

9-10 Gordon Ramsay’s 24 Hours to Hell and Back – This week, Gordon goes to Fetch Bistro, a restaurant for people and dogs. That is a restaurant that I would love to visit but wouldn’t want to eat anything.

TRUTV

10-10:30 Bobcat Goldthwait’s Misfits and Monster – This episode looks at what happens after Satan reneges on a contract with a pop star. You know, I’m really enjoying this show. I’m a sucker for an anthology and these high concept bits are sitting right in my sweet spot.

HULU

Castle Rock – SERIES PREMIERE! J.J. Abrams produces this drama set in Stephen King’s oft-invoked fictional town. I don’t know enough about King to get any references, but it still looks pretty good and my friend Sam will explain the things I didn’t get.

 

THURSDAY

CBS

9-10 Big Brother – Live eviction and eviction reversal! I hope it’s like Grandpa Simpson walking into the burlesque house and walking back out again without a pause.

COMEDY CENTRAL

10:30-11 Detroiters – Sam starts acting blacker to impress a new girlfriend. There aren’t a lot of shows I would trust to pull that off, but this is one of them.

 

FRIDAY

PBS

9-10 The Great British Baking Show – The bakers face three sweet dough challenges, including “jam doughnuts” which I assume are jelly doughnuts. Just like the way they say “jelly babies” and we say “jam babies”.

NETFLIX

Orange is the New Black – I’ve accepted that I’m never going to get around to watching this show, which removes a significant amount of stress from my life. This boy can’t watch everything and he’s finding peace with that!

 

SUNDAY

CBS

8-9 Big Brother – The Head of Household nominates two houseguests for eviction and this time maybe one of them will be evicted! Definitely somebody is going to be.

HBO

9-10 Sharp Objects – Camille tours crime scenes and opens up some old wounds. Man, it is freaky how much the actress playing young Amy Adams looks like a young Amy Adams. Unless…. do you think they shot those scenes 20-some years ago and just crossed their fingers? Like Boyhood but without the boring middle parts!

AMC

10-11 Preacher – Tulip, Jesse, Jody, and T.C. hatch a plan to save Gran’ma’s life and, man, this storyline is so far from what happened in the comics. Like, it’s the only major arc that they could still do as originally written and they just went “nah”. Which I get, and even though I don’t think it’s totally successful, it does set a precedent for how HBO’s Watchmen series can go – it’s also based on a singular work from one creative team that has a beginning, middle, and end. And yet, it’s a different story. But Watchmen is 12 issues and Preacher was sixty-some, so maybe it’s not as apt a comparison as I thought.

COMEDY CENTRAL

10-12:30 am The Comedy Central Roast of Bruce Willis – I love a roast. But it’s always weird when the roastee isn’t a comedian and doesn’t really have ties to comedy. So you’re going to have people like Nikki Glaser who’s a good roaster but doesn’t know Bruce Willis, and people like Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who’s worked with Bruce Willis but isn’t a comedian. That always makes for an uneven roasting experience.

 

“I’m just a simple plain-taking German Shepherd who can start fires with his mind, but it humbles me to know that so many good people, like yourself, find meaning in my secular journey.” — Midnight

 

You let somebody in, you know? And then you make room. Then they go, and yet… the room is still there.” — Sam Sylvia

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