I am freshly back from a weekend at the Waterfront Film Festival in South Haven. It’s great and I’m exhausted. Plus, now I have so many movie reviews to write. With that in mind, plus the fact that it’s kind of a light TV week, it’s going to be a short schedule this time. Also, most of our spunkybean content the last several weeks has focused on Game of Thrones, Louie, Playing House, and Fargo and all of those shows air their season finales in a three-day period. Grim times, my friends.
Since time is short, let’s get to it. Here’s what to watch on TV this week!
8-9 MASTERCHEF – The contestants tackle a seafood challenge. There’s no way I can make that sound exciting, and I refuse to use the “see food” joke because I’m not an uncle.
9-10 24: LIVE ANOTHER DAY – Jack and the President work to thwart Margot, Jordan faces a life-or-death struggle, and Kate goes to extremes. I know that sounds like last week’s listing, but nine episodes in, the main conflicts are pretty well established at this point. This week’s episode may have fewer exploding vehicles than last week and for that, I apologize. Even though I have nothing to do with that.
9-11 AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR – “Competitors tackle the world’s most difficult obstacle course”. That’s the American Ninja Warrior version of “No Information Available”. Come on man, all you have to do is tell us which round it is and the city where it’s taking place. We don’t ask for much.
10-11 LOUIE – Season Finale! The listings for the two episodes read “Pamela and Louie” go on a date and “Pamela and Louie”. Yep, they don’t even have verbs in the last one. Man, this season has been so good, but not at all in the way I expected. I’ll write more about it later, as soon as I’m smart enough.
10-11 PLAYING HOUSE – Season Finale! In a full hour, Maggie goes into labor while her doctor is away, Emma questions her place in Maggie’s life, and Mark loses a bet with a biker. Hee! We’ve all seen a million birth episodes by know, but I have total faith in these jammers to do something new and funny.
10-11:30 FARGO – Season Finale! Actually, this might be a series finale, since they’ve always promoted this as a miniseries. Of course, that was before it was a hit. Anyway, Molly takes the lead, Lester manipulates the situation, and Malvo finds a new target. It’s going to end in blood. We just have to accept it and prepare ourselves.
What is the matter with you, Wednesday? Why can’t you be more like every other day of the week?
8-9 HELL’S KITCHEN – The chefs compete to produce entrees with the highest dollar values using budget ingredients. I love these challenges that put math into cooking because it makes me feel like I could actually do it. NOTE: I can’t.
9-10 RECTIFY – Season Premiere! OK, I’ve only seen the Season One premiere of this drama about a man exonerated by new evidence after spending 19 years on Death Row, but that was excellent and I’ve got the DVDs for a binge. And then I can watch Season Two, beginning here!
10:30-11 COMEDY BANG! BANG! – Who’s our guest this week? Why, it’s Lizzy Caplan! There are other things happening on the show, but who can focus on that? A while back, I had a dream that Lizzy Caplan and I were best friends and we had matching bowling shirts we wore when we played video games together and I have never been more disappointed to wake up ever.
9-10 ORPHAN BLACK – Season Finale! Rachel’s ploy forces Sarah to concede and the Clone Club has to come together to save her. Man, this season has been bonkers. Also, Orphan star Tatiana Maslany was in one of the movies I saw at the festival, and she was great. She can do everything!
7-9 WIPEOUT – Season Finale! Now seen on this new night! And according to the listing, the Classic Sweeper from Season One is back! I’m so excited and I’m not even going to pretend to be all cool about it. You guys, I love Wipeout so much.
9-10:30 MASTERPIECE MYSTERY – Part two of The Escape Artist. As I write this, Part one hasn’t aired yet, but it’s David Tennant doing stuff. You know you want to see it!
10-11 HALT AND CATCH FIRE – A crisis threatens the project’s future and forces a change in the schedule. I love this show, but the listings are not exactly gripping.
“He is attractive and charming, and his family employs half the town. But so what? I am a lifelong government bureaucrat who’s well-versed in the issues. And those are the kind of sexy qualifications that win elections.” — Leslie Knope
“You grandfather? Stay away from him, you dim-witted monkey! You mustn’t interfere with the past! Don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to do it. In which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it!” — Professor Farnsworth