Hi all!

Well, this is a ridiculous week for TV. We’ve got the returns of Better Call Saul, and Survivor, plus the debuts of Hulu’s 11/22/63 and Netflix’s Love. Plus other stuff! It’s a veritable dogpile of TV!

In movie news, I saw Deadpool and liked it a lot, but there are some people who are way too into it. I think there’s an acceptable and appropriate amount to like that movie. Also, when I went to the movie, there was a special announcement that vaping was not allowed in the theater, and now I think we’ve failed as a society. Shut it all down.

I did not make it out to see How to Be Single, which doesn’t look all that good but it does have Alison Brie in it. So I’m going to see it, but it seemed way too sad to see it by myself on Valentine’s weekend. I’ll report back next week!

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

 

MONDAY

CBS

8-11:30 The Grammy Awards – Based on the music I bought this year, David Bowie’s Blackstar should sweep everything.

FOX

8-9 The X-Files – Mulder and Scully try to communicate with a comatose bomber, while dealing with a couple of young FBI agents. Also? The Lone Gunmen somehow make an appearance. What else do you want?

AMC

10-11 Better Call Saul – SEASON PREMIERE! It’s back! Jimmy and Kim’s relationship takes a turn and Mike decides to sever his relationship with an unrestrained associate. I can’t wait to see where this goes after the end of last season. I honestly thought he’d be Saul when the show came back, so I’m glad to see he’s still “Jimmy” in the listing.

11-12 Talking Saul – A special aftershow for the premiere. They’ll do another one for the finale. When do I get my aftershow? I’d be thrilled to host Game of Throats or Talktor Who. Gabbing Gotham?

HULU

11/22/63 – This J.J. Abrams-produced show based on the Stephen King novel has James Franco going back in time to prevent the Kennedy assassination. I was excited before, but the Writers Panel podcast talked to Bridget Carpenter, who wrote most of the series, and her enthusiasm is positively infections.

 

TUESDAY

ABC

8-8:30 Fresh Off the Boat – The restaurant gets a bad review on the 1995 version of the Internet. Oh, this is going to bring back memories of red text on black backgrounds.

8:30-9 The Muppets – Risso, Gonzo, and Pepe all under Pache’s spell. Yes, it’s pronounced ‘Pache’, but it’s spelled ‘Pizza’. It’s very confusing.

9-11 Agent Carter – I’m a little worried that they’re doubling up on episodes, and also that Hayley Atwell has been cast in another show. My guess is that much-discussed SHIELD spinoff with Mockingbird is going to take Peggy’s place on the schedule next year.

FOX

8-8:30 New Girl – Winston teaches Reagan about breakups. Man, Winston gets so much more to do when Jess is out of the picture. I approve. It almost feels like the rest of the cast is going to start their own show without her, like when Creed broke up and everybody but Scott Stapp just started a new band together.

8:30-9 Grandfathered – Jimmy tries to protect Gerald from an Internet bully, and then Sara and Vanessa visit the bully’s mother. Paget Brewster’s gonna have to do some yelling!

9-9:30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Hitchcock and Scully force their way onto one of Jake’s biggest cases to prove themselves. This will definitely go well.

9:30-10 The Grinder – Dean’s therapist encourages him to discover his true identity, which just brings out everybody else’s issues. But when will Dean and Timothy Olyphant get couples counseling?

 

WEDNESDAY

CBS

8-9:30 Survivor – SEASON PREMIERE! Oh, criminey. We’re back to the “Brains, Brawns, Beauty” setup. I hate these gimmicks so much. Luckily, they usually bail in the first couple of weeks. Here’s hoping!

FOX

8-9 American Idol – The Top 24 perform to impress Jennifer (Lawrence), (Brian) Keith, and (Jackee) Harry.

9-10 Hell’s Kitchen – The red team fights a lot more. The listing doesn’t say that, but I’m a pro and have recognized the theme of the season.

ABC

8:30-9 The Goldbergs – Dana is not excited about going to a Weird Al concert. Oh, get over yourself. That dude puts on a good show!

9-9:30 Modern Family – A life-size cardboard standee of Gloria attracts unsavory attention. Not like my standee of Amy Pond, who is respected by all. (It’s not weird. I also have the Tenth Doctor and Homer Simpson. They’re friends!)

9:30-10 Blackish – Jack and Diane get tired of being twins. Maybe we’ll explain why their parents named twins after a John Cougar Mellencamp song. That seems more than a little out of character.

FXX

10-10:30 It’s Always Sunny in PhiladelphiaIn a continuity deep dive, Liam McPoyle hires the frequently appearing but unnamed Lawyer to sue Bill Ponderosa. Other characters who often appear on shows but don’t have names – the blue-haired lawyer on Simpsons (his action figure is called “Blue-Haired Lawyer”) and the Pirate Captain on Venture Bros. And that guy’s a regular! He lives in their house!

10:30-11 Man Seeking Woman – Josh makes a move on Rosa. Yes, that sounds like the same plot as last week. This stuff takes time. I actually wish they’d stuck with the election stuff for the whole episode last time. I really got into that.

TV LAND

10:30-11 Teachers – Miss Bennigan questions everything after a drunken moment at the bar. Man, the bar has not been kind to her over the last few episodes. Been there, pal.

 

THURSDAY

CW

8-9 DC’s Legends of Tomorrow – The team is captured during the Cold War and Snart has to rescue them. Oh, come on. Are they just doing that for a Captain Cold / Cold War gag? Fie upon you.

FOX

8-10 American Idol – Former contestants return as mentors   And then the judges eliminate people. And no, I’m not going to name the judges. I don’t even think I have enough names to make it to the end of the season as is.

BRAVO

9-10 Top Chef – The chefs cook for MC Hammer and I swear to you I did not make that up.

FX

10-10:30 Baskets – Dale leaves his daughters in Chip’s care so he can get a good deal on furniture. Oh, no they’re bringing kids into the ongoing disaster of Chip’s life?

HISTORY

11-12 am Join or Die – SERIES PREMIERE! Craig Ferguson returns to TV with a panel show where he and his friends talk about historical topics. It’s not what I would have guessed he’d do next, but I miss Craig so much and it’ll be good to see him again.

 

FRIDAY

CBS

8-9 The Amazing Race – No information available! Have to say, I’m a little jealous that they did a whole season of “Internet Stars” and nobody reached out to a certain Beloved Internet Personality.

ADULT SWIM

11-11:15 am Childrens HospitalA variety show from the 1950s visits Childrens Hospital. I’m not sure I understand that premise, but I bet it’ll work.

NETFLIX

Love – SERIES PREMIERE! The first season of a romantic comedy produced by Judd Apatow and starring Comedy Bang! Bang!‘s Paul Rust and Community‘s Gillian Jacobs hits today. That sounds like exactly the kind of thing I want to watch. Weekend binge on the way!

 

SUNDAY

FOX

7:30-8 Bob’s Burgers – Bob slips on the sidewalk and capoeira teacher Jairo returns to heal him. That’s one of my favorite episodes, and anything that brings Jon Glaser back for some more sexy dance fighting is alright with me.

8-8:30 The Simpsons – Bart lets a homeless woman live in his closet and Homer accidentally seals the cat in the walls. Along with all the skeletons and pirate gold? He’ll live like a king!

PBS

9-10 Downton Abbey – Mrs. Patmore provokes a scandal, and I can’t get over how much she looks like one of the good fairies from Sleeping Beauty. Hopefully nobody vomits blood on this episode. I’m still having a tough time with that.

AMC

9-10 Walking Dead – A simple scavenging run proves to be tricky. It would be a short episode if it didn’t.

10-11 Talking Dead – A panel discusses tonight’s episode. This week’s guests: Doc Hammer, Jeff Probst, and Nasim Pedrad. Lineup subject to change because I made them up.

HBO

9-10 Vinyl – I don’t like writing listings for second episodes of weekend shows, because I haven’t even seen the first episode yet. Is this going to be good? Here’s hoping!

10:30-11 Togetherness – SEASON PREMIERE! I really enjoyed the first season of this show, but I can’t remember how it ended. They could literally start anywhere and I’d just roll with it.

ADULT SWIM

12-12:30 am The Venture Bros – I love this – “Doc’s latest invention or a blue vigilante may save the day”. There’s no way that won’t be amazing.

 

“From the way the media portrays him, you’d think Paul McCartney was a rich rock star who lives in England and knows the names of Beatles songs. But he’s not. He’s a poor hillbilly who lives in Kentucky and gets mad when he can’t do a good drawing of Batman.” — Scott Aukerman

 

“Why is everyone else so bad at eating?” — Ron Swanson

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