There’s a lot on TV this week and a bunch of premieres. I’m most excited about Hap and Leonard, Jessica Jones, and Love, plus the FBI magician show that I was ironically excited about and then it became genuine excitement. I don’t know who I am anymore.
It’s 11:30 on Sunday night as I write this, so let’s just get to it.
Here’s what to watch on TV this week!
8-9 Lucifer – This is not a show I usually watch, but this episode features Lauren Lapkus as a demon. Or an angel? This show’s cosmology is weird. But still, it’s Lauren! If I’ll watch Crashing for her, I will literally watch anything.
10-11 Good Girls – The women struggle to come up with the money they owe the gang. Well, armed robbery worked our super well last time, right? I liked the pilot and I’ll watch some more, thanks for asking.
9-10 The Alienist – Sara confronts her past at a hospital, and Bunny Colvin recovers from his injuries. That’s right, Robert Wisdom is always playing his character from The Wire, no matter what show you put him in.
10-11 UnREAL – Quinn connects with a contestant and Serena wins a poker game. I genuinely can’t tell if this show is good again. I feel like they talked about Season Two way too much and the way to convince us you’ve moved on is to never speak of it again.
10-11:15 McMafia – I have not seen the premiere yet because I have one thousand things to watch. But I heard it was good. I have a feeling I’ll end up watching the whole thing after the finale and then being mad that I didn’t write more about it.
10:30-11 Final Space – Gary and Avocato try to chase down a bounty hunter. I liked the pilot, but I felt like it had a bunch of inside jokes that I wasn’t in on – either I’m old and boring, or it’s all going to loop around somehow and make sense in retrospect. I will accept either answer.
9-10 This Is Us – “Randall and Beth welcome visitors to their home”. Wow, when did this become an FX series?
10-10:30 Baskets – “Christine and Martha listen to harp music at a brunch.” See what I mean? And I love that this will be five seconds out of the episode and they’re probably not even alluding to the main plot.
10-10:30 Drunk History – SEASON FINALE! An episode of “Drunk Mystery” explores D.B. Sweeney AKA Doobie Keebler and the time Agatha Christie disappeared. I believe spunkkybuddy Mark Gagliardi will be a narrator this week and if he is, assume he’ll end up on the floor.
10:30-11 Another Period – Beatrice’s sex tape leaks. Well, it’s old-timey, so it’s a Sex Nickelodeon, which is not a phrase you should ever Google.
10:30-11 The Detour – We get a flashback to Robin and Nate’s first vacation. Well, a flashback within a flashback, since the entire series is technically…. you know what? Never mind.
8-9 The X-Files – Mulder and Scully investigate a brutal animal attack, which sounds like a bummer of an episode. Also, it would be weird if it wasn’t even an X-File and a raccoon just bit a kid. Which is sort of the origin of Batman villain Black Mask and what I’m saying is I would like a unified universe here.
8-9 Survivor – A tribe swap shakes up the game. Well, that’s early. And probably they’ll spend the rest of the episode talking about past tribe swaps. I swear, Survivor is so obsessed with its own history that it might as well be written by Roy Thomas. (I assure you, that is a good burn.)
8-8:30 The Goldbergs – Adam films an original script he wrote about Indiana Jones and it’s better than Crystal Skull. Yes, that was an easy one and yes, it is accurate.
9-9:30 Modern Family – Jay overhears Gloria talking on the phone and a misunderstanding occurs. Are we really just going straight to Three’s Company?
9-10 Life Sentence – SERIES PREMIERE! A young woman finds out that her terminal cancer has gone into remission and now she has to deal with life as an ongoing concern. It’s an interesting idea – somebody who thought of life as a brief thing suddenly facing open-endedness. I probably won’t watch it because most CW shows are aimed at somebody half my age, but it’s an interesting idea.
10-11 Hap and Leonard: The Two-Bear Mambo – SEASON PREMIERE! It’s Spring, which means it’s time for a new Hap and Leonard miniseries. I love Hap and Leonard so much, you guys.
Hard Sun – This BBC co-production is about a couple of London cops who learn that the human race is facing extinction in five years. And in a change from usual Hulu procedure, all six episodes are out today. It looks very good!
8-9 Gotham – Ivy investigates Wayne Enterprises, Jerome becomes obsessed with Penguin, and Gordon begins to second guess his deal with Sofia. You think, Jim? You have second thoughts about striking a deal with the mob boss who had her own father killed? Those are some good instincts you have there!
8:30-9 A.P. Bio – Jack goes out on the town and Durbin feels threatened when somebody else does morning announcements. For real, are morning announcements a thing now? We used to have all the teachers read a sheet of paper that had any pertinent information to open 2nd Hour, but both this show and Vice Principals have the principal appearing on video to read announcements to the school. Is this how schools work in our dystopian future?
9:30-10 Champions – SERIES PREMIERE! Mindy Kaling co-created this show about a bachelor who learns he has a teenage son. It’s not a new premise, but there are funny people involved so let’s keep our fingers crossed.
9-10 Top Chef – SEASON FINALE! The final two compete to win. I’m like three episodes behind so I don’t even know who the final two are. I’m bad at my job. My watching TV job!
10-10:30 Atlanta – Selling drugs poses a difficulty. That’s why I just say no. Come on, young people, be a Clean Teen like me!
Marvel’s Jessica Jones – The second season hits today! This might be my favorite Marvel show, and I’m looking forward to seeing what this season is even about. Season One adapted the only good story from Jessica’s comic, so I’m eager to see what they do with something completely original.
8-9 MasterChef Junior – The kids cook dishes using ingredients that start with each letter of the alphabet. In a single dish? I feel like 26 ingredients is a lot for one thing, right?
9-10 Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – Coulson reveals the mysterious deal he made with Ghost Rider. It turns out, it was just for GR to join his pub trivia team. Sorry for the spoilee!
Sneaky Pete – It’s the second season of the fun con man drama, which reminds me that I need to finish the first season.
Love – The third and final season hits today and this is one of my very favorite shows. This is going to get the BoJack Horseman binge where I just sit down and watch twelve episodes because I have a healthy and fulfilling lifestyle.
11:30-1 am Saturday Night Live – Sterling K. Brown hosts. That guy is amazing but I don’t know if comedy is in his wheelhouse. If it is, he is going to render other actors unnecessary because he’ll just have all the jobs.
7-10 American Ninja Warrior: USA vs. The World – It’s the annual special where the best of the US competes against Japan and Europe to be the best at almost finishing the obstacle course.
10-11 Timeless – SEASON PREMIERE! The show that was cancelled until some weird time distortion happened is back. I guess they go to World War I this time and I’ve lost track of the mythology of this show entirely but I like Abigail Spencer a lot.
7:30-8 Bob’s Burgers – A new playground game is introduced and Linda works on a storyteller persona. It’s been two months since the last episode and I’m ready for FOX to start putting TV shows on again.
8-10 O.J. Simpson: The Lost Confession – This is weird. It’s the O.J. Simpson interview he did to promote his book If I Did It in which he talks about how he would have killed his wife and her friend, you know, “if” he had done it. Years ago, FOX planned to air this interview buy then cancelled it and now, for some reason, it’s on TV. I think now it’s more of a historical document and less exploitative, but I still don’t feel good about it.
8-10 American Idol – NETWORK PREMIERE! I’m not sure it’s been long enough since FOX canceled the show for it to come back. And now Seacrest has that sexual harassment stink all over him. I’m not sure this is the home run ABC thinks it is, but we’ll see.
10-11 Deception – SERIES PREMIERE! This show is about a former magician who goes to work for the FBI (on magic-based cases?) and I am one million times more excited about it than I am about Idol.
8-9 Counterpart – The aftermath of the Indigo school discovery takes an emotional toll. I don’t know what that discovery is yet but now I know there is one and I feel spoiled.
9-9:30 Ash vs. Evil Dead – Ruby tries to strengthen her bond with Brandy to defeat the Prophesized One. Man, this show is rad. Just this hilarious wallow in bad taste that sometimes delivers really good character work.
9-10 The Walking Dead – Darryl’s group heads to the Hilltop and Maggie makes difficult decisions at the Hilltop and everybody’s talking Hilltop. This show has really gotten… not good, right? Like, once Lauren Cohan leaves, I’m out.
10-11 Talking Dead – A panel of guests talks about this week’s episode. This week’s
panel: Bill Laimbeer, Bjork, and the Kid Who Collected Spider-Man.
“Well, he died doing what he loved. Getting shot.” — Sterling Archer
“Danger is my middle name. But I spell it R-U-T-H.” — Tina Belcher