Hi all!

Hey, it’s been an exhausting week of giant battles and I really need to sleep and honor the dead. Let’s get to it!

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

MONDAY

AMC

10-11 Into the BadlandsOK, I have to admit that I haven’t watched this season yet. I’m so far behind I can’t even fake a joke. I’ve failed you all.

 

TUESDAY

FOX

8-9 MasterChef Junior – The top ten split into teams and have to make as long a pasta as they can. I wish they’d do a whole season where they judged on quantity over quality. Like, make the biggest cheeseburger and you win. And then they ship it to Man vs. Food, which means they’re now relying on child labor and it’s time to get the Feds involved.

TRUTV

10-10:30 At Home with Amy Sedaris – SEASON FINALE! Amy’s game night turns into a life and death struggle. Boy, somebody was playing Cards Against Humanity, am I right? Man, that wasn’t even really a joke. I’m really slipping.

TBS

10-10:30 The Last O.G. – Hey, since this is my only TBS listing this week, let’s talk about how they cancelled Wrecked. That’s a bummer, and I feel like the Golden Age of TBS is slipping away. We lost People of Earth already and nothing has been officially renewed and the breaks between seasons are getting longer and longer. I feel like they experimented with being good and it didn’t pay off, and it’s a bummer.

FX

10-11 Fosse/Verdon – Hey, this is very good. I’m finally getting caught up and my interest in Bob Fosse is minimal and I don’t know anything about Gwen Verdon beyond her name and now I’m totally caught up in their relationship. This is good TV!

NETFLIX

Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward – Hey, a new special from Anthony Jeselnik! That guy is very good and I miss his TV show. Especially the one where Eric Andre lit a bunch of firecrackers on set and then ran away during the panel segment and it barely even qualified as an episode of TV.

 

WEDNESDAY

CBS

8-9 Survivor – One castaway gets caught going through another’s stuff. Also they receive a reward “in the form of love” which is the creepiest way to say that family members visit and I once again obsess over who would be my visitor. I feel like Probst would have to announce that I there wasn’t anybody who was willing to come so they were giving me two hours with a DVR instead.

9-10 The Amazing Race – The teams go to Vietnam and have to master synchronized dancing, karaoke, and prawn fishing. Well, I’ve got one of the three down. But don’t take my word for it, ask one Wally Trousers. Who is me.

ABC

8-8:30 The Goldbergs – Adam sees Willow instead of spending Mother’s Day with Beverly. Man, they are really dredging the Eighties if we’ve hit a Willow episode. Next season, they’ll do a full episode on R.O.B.

8:30-9 Schooled – Dr. Barry Goldberg visits the school! Also, Glascott realizes he can’t make every teacher like one another. He’s made quite a career without that piece of knowledge.

9-9:30 Modern Family – Cam is asked to preside over the high school graduation ceremony. An honor frequently bestowed upon the part-time football coach, I’m sure.

9:30-10 Single Parents – Will has to get in good with Lance Bass to get his daughter into space camp. That’s what it says, man.

10-11 Whiskey Cavalier – Will (not the same one as above) and the team have to track down the suspect behind an unexpected murder. That would be a much more dramatic plot on a show that isn’t about spies. It’d be wild if they had to do that on Superstore.

SYFY

10-11 Happy! – This is an episode title “Pervapalooza”, and I can only assume we’re going to see something we don’t want to see. And we’re people who’ve chosen to watch Happy!, so our standards are very different.

FX

10-10:30 What We Do in the Shadows – The Baron awakens from his slumber and demands a night out on the town. Well, nobody knows how to live it up like Guillermo!

IFC

10-10:30 Brockmire – Brockmire urges Charles to leave a toxic relationship and Charles is appalled by Gus’ producing skill. Not the suit jacket over overalls look? That seems like more of an issue at this point.

 

THURSDAY

NBC

8:30-9 A.P. Bio – Jack tries to counter a viral video while the rest of the cast goes after a notorious litterer. This show is one of my favorite comedies right now and I wish more people were watching it.

9-9:30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Gina returns! Also, Holt learns that Boyle’s son may be a genius. But also, Gina returns!

9:30-10 Abby’s – James gets drunk and offends a neighbor who has apparently been cool with an illegal outside bar next door, but that guy getting drunk is the last straw.

FX

10-10:35 Better Things – Sam winds down and reminisces. I like the idea that they’re going to be doing a clip show, but that’s probably not the case. That would be weird, though.

 

FRIDAY

NETFLIX

Tuca and Bertie – Hey, this is a spiritual cousin to BoJack Horseman, in that it’s designed by the same cartoonist, Lisa Hanawalt. It’s not set in the same world and does not otherwise share a creative team. But it’s about a couple of birds in their thirties who are friends, and it looks good.

 

SATURDAY

NBC

11:30-1 am Saturday Night Live – Adam Sandler hosts! I hope it’s the Adam Sandler who did that recent comedy special and not the Adam Sandler who made… all those movies.

 

SUNDAY

FOX

8-8:30 The Simpsons – A documentary crew investigates the disappearance of Lisa’s college fund. I’m sure that’s also what happened to me and my parents were just too upset to tell me so they acted like making me pay for my own college had been their plan all along.

8:30-9 Bob’s Burgers – Linda decides to get more involved with the PTA and Bob feels bad after making a joke. Poor Bob can’t even enjoy humor!

NBC

10-11 Good Girls – Beth tries to lead a crime-free life, so Ruby and Annie go behind her back to do more crimes. It’s a well-considered plan!

BBC AMERICA / AMC

8-9 Killing Eve – MI6 makes a pact with the devil in order to get information from The Ghost. The villain from Ant-Man and the Wasp? Or Jon Snow’s Direwolf? Or an actual ghost and the only information they get is “Boo!”

HBO 9-10:20 Game of Thrones – I am not kidding, the listing online says “The Night King finally breaches the wall”. Have they not heard? Man, I don’t even mind the boilerplate listings, but don’t list specific plot points from previous seasons. I can’t wait until next week when Ned Stark continues his investigation.

10:20-10:50 Barry – Barry tries to separate himself from NoHo Hank’s Chechen mob. Man, with Gotham ended, this is our only reliable source for Anthony Carrigan content.

10:50-11:25 Veep – No information available! Thanks, HBO!

 

“You know what the worst part of being a slave is? They make you do all this work but they never pay you or let you go.” — Philip J. Fry

 

“He was a great partner. Smart, loyal. Homophobic but not racist. In those days that was pretty good.” — Raymond Holt

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