Hi all!

There’s a lot to watch this week! I’m writing this after the Super Bowl and it’s late and I’m tired and one of my friends lost a bet and had to jump in a snowbank and it’s been quite a night.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

MONDAY

CBS

9-10 Celebrity Big Brother – Hey, it’s an hour later than usual. Also, I have no idea when this show is on. Sometimes it’s on three nights in a row and then it’s like ten days before another episode.

NBC

10-11 Manifest – Saanvi goes missing and I’ve seen every episode of this show, and I’m not sure who that is. Is she the doctor? Can they just call her “Pretty Doctor”? She’ll fit better alongside “Original Fandral”, “Mean Wife”, “Girl Detective” and “Boy Detective”.

TNT

9-10:04 I Am the Night – Fauna tries to track down her family and Jay obsesses over the story that ruined his career. I really liked the first episode, so let’s keep watching it.

TRUTV

10:30-11 Jon Glaser Loves Gear – New Night! Jon is determined not to let a vasectomy prevent him from shooting an episode about basketball. Oh, I hope they have chyrons identifying the gear in the doctor’s office.

 

TUESDAY

It’s the actual State of the Union address, pending any further changes. That’ll be on all four legitimate networks starting at 9 and there’s always a chance that guy’s going to say something crazy on live TV.

COMEDY CENTRAL

10-10:30 Drunk History – Tonight’s episode is about “Trailblazers”. I like the new thing they’re doing this season where they have some other people handling the interviews. I like Derek Waters just fine, but he can’t be getting drunk that often and still make a TV show. And that means we got to see Jon Gabrus interview Carl Tart, which was super fun.

10:30-11 Corporate – Matt’s broken exclamation point key damages his relationships. Man, there’s a person I deal with at work (at another company) who always sends emails in all caps, but then puts a disclaimer at the bottom that says “DO NOT BE OFFENDED IF I USE ALL CAPS”. It makes me laugh all the time. Like, I would never do all caps and I think people who do are dumb, but I would never complain to their manager (which people do!). However, it’s hilarious that all caps lady thinks she can just tell people not to be offended and they’re required to comply.

FOX

8-9 Gordon Ramsay’s 24 Hours to Hell and Back – Gordon goes to a Cajun restaurant. Guys? I did standup last week and I honestly intended to devote my entire set to Gordon Ramsay’s TV shows and then I chickened out. I feel like you need a very specific audience for that, and I don’t know where that audience hangs out.

TRUTV

10-10:30 I’m Sorry – Andrea learns she has a medical condition and has surgery to correct it. And I don’t know if this is in any way related, but the episode title is “Extra Boobs”. This is going to be a weird episode.

SYFY

10-11 Deadly Class – Saya’s past comes back to haunt her in the form of an attack on the school. Hey, I feel like I should bring up that this show is co-created by the guy who wrote the comics where the Punisher became a Frankenstein, and I have to mention that every so often or else I’ll explode.

FXX

10-10:35 You’re the Worst – I’ve come to really dislike three of the four main characters on this show over the last few years, but I am absolutely loving the subplot this season where Paul F. Tompkins plays himself as a sociopath.

 

THURSDAY

Guys? Gotham is a repeat this week, which is a bummer. But it’s also nice to let us have a breather after last week where we learned that (SPOILEE WARNING), the U.S. Government had Hugo Strange implant a mind control chip in the Riddler to turn him into a Manchurian Candidate. And this is all tied in with the origin of Bane. I love it so much.

CBS

9-10 Celebrity Big Brother – Probably there’s an eviction. Or at least an elimination, if you know what I mean. (Kato Kaelin got an abdominal massage to relieve his constipation. It was really weird.)

NBC

9-9:30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine – The Pontiac Bandit returns! This is a high point every year and I love that they come up with a new twist every time. Like my friend Sam says, it’s like if the Gary’s Old Town Tavern episodes of Cheers were good.

BRAVO

8-9 Top Chef – Hey, this episode is basketball-themed. Much like this week’s episode of Jon Glaser Loves Gear. It’s a good thing my sister got me that Shea Serrano book for Christmas because now I’m a jock.

COMEDY CENTRAL

10:30-11 The Other Two – Chase collaborates with another singer, forcing his siblings to reexamine their relationships. These are not people who will bear up under close scrutiny.

 

FRIDAY

CBS

8-10 Celebrity Big Brother – Two hours! I can only imagine what tomfoolery they’re going to get up to! And I really do have to imagine because the schedule is not as rigid as that of regular Big Brother. Maybe it’s a double eviction! Maybe it’s just going to be a Toby Keith concert!

CW

9-10 Crazy Ex-Girlfriend – Rebecca supports Paula in her time of need. I feel like that shouldn’t have to be a plot point that’s used to drive a listing, but Rebecca is kind of a bad friend.

FOX

9-10 Hell’s Kitchen – SEASON FINALE! They announce the final two and then those two compete to win the season and spend more time with Gordon Ramsay.

NETFLIX

Big Mouth: My Furry Valentine – It’s a special Valentine’s Day episode of Big Mouth! There’s a trailer, but I haven’t seen it, so I have nothing more to say except that this will probably be delightful.

One Day at a Time – The new season of the reboot that’s much better than you’d expect it to be!

 

SATURDAY

NBC

11:30-1 am Saturday Night Live – Last week, the listings showed a new episode hosted by Halsey and then they ran a repeat. Apparently this week is the Halsey episode and I still don’t know who that is.

 

SUNDAY

FOX

8-8:30 The Simpsons – Homer betrays Marge by bingeing their favorite show without her. Who could have guessed that Homer would have a problem with impulse control?

8:30-9 Bob’s Burgers – Bob and Linda have a fight on Valentine’s Day, and it sounds like this might turn into the annual trilogy episode. These are always good!

STARZ

8-9 Counterpart – No information available! It’ll be confusing, though!

HBO

9-10 True Detective – Wayne and Roland investigate discrepancies and take another look at Dan O’Brien. The poet who’s married to Spunkybuddy Jessica St. Clair? I’m pretty sure he’s innocent!

AMC

9-10:15 Walking Dead – MID-SEASON PREMIERE! An escaped captive revisits his past and the communities band together and other vague statements.

 

“We’re not gonna hang around like sitting ducks. We’re gonna take the fight to them like some WADDLING ducks! If the waddling was super fast and cool!” — Jake Peralta

 

“Cocaine is amazing! I give it a million stars! When I get back from rehab, I’ll probably say cocaine is terrible, but don’t believe me. Cocaine is amazing!” — Forrest MacNeil

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