This is a comparatively light TV week. Sure, look at Tuesday or Sunday and there are a bunch of things to watch but we’re getting into that time of year when network shows start to go into a brief break before the final push. No big premieres or finales this week either. We’re keeping it casual this week.
Nothing to report, except that I threw my back out moving boxes of comics around. Yes, that’s the most pathetic thing you’ll hear all day.
Here’s what to watch on TV this week!
8-10 THE VOICE – Blind auditions end and the battle rounds begin! It’s the part of the season where the show suddenly brings in all sorts of boxing imagery for no clear reason.
10-11 BETTER CALL SAUL – Mike’s tragic past comes back to haunt him and he seeks help from an unlikely source. That pretty much has to be Jimmy, right? It’d just be weird if he brought in somebody from another show to help.
8-10 THE VOICE – More battle rounds as the competitors get help from Lionel Richie and Meghan Trainor. I feel like I’ve talked about Meghan Trainor before so I won’t get into it again.
8-8:30 FRESH OFF THE BOAT – Eddie tries to make a new Chinese friend and Mitch gets a job with a rival restaurant. I knew they weren’t going to abandon Paul Scheer!
9-10 AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. – Sif is back! And this time, she can’t remember who she is! Guys, I love the Lady Sif. I still want a buddy cop show where she and Volstagg travel the universe and round up dangerous artifacts.
8-9 HELL’S KITCHEN – The teams have to retrieve crabs from the ocean then make crab cakes. Also, one team struggles with seafood during dinner service. So, pretty much like every other dinner service.
9:30-10 THE MINDY PROJECT – Danny needs a new priest and Jeremy wants everyone to attend his one-man show. Nice try, Jeremy. But I still blame you, rationally or not, for Peter leaving and thus we are enemies.
10-11 JUSTIFIED – Raylan makes an offer to Markham and, and I am quoting the description directly here, “Boyd and Ava in Walker’s dangerous company”. Even without a verb, that sounds like trouble.
10:30-11 COUGAR TOWN – They stake out a cupcake thief and Tom has a celebrity patient. Man, I hope it’s Courtney Cox and suddenly this show goes absolutely insane for the last couple of episodes.
10:30-11 KROLL SHOW – The Rick Dicks open a restaurant and Bobby Bottleservice does a Fantastic Voyage on himself. OK, that’s a new one.
8-9 SURVIVOR – A contestant’s strategy end up backfiring during the immunity challenge. How amazingly badly do things have to go that this is the only thing they mention in the listing?
8-9 AMERICAN IDOL – The top twelve finalists are announced. After a few seconds of despair, Kevin looked at this phone. He saw a text from his wife wishing him luck. “Good luck. I know you can do it.” It was a simple message, but it meant everything. Yes. I can do it, he thought.
9-10 EMPIRE – Andre starts a musical relationship with Michelle and Hakeem wants to prove himself to his father. I really thought I’d catch up on this show over the weekend but then I found a bunch of old Justice League comics and everything else went on the back burner.
10-11 THE AMERICANS – Stuff happens this week, but I’m too busy being creeped out by Philip and the fifteen-year-old. And they just do not back away from that. Man.
10-10:30 IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA – Frank decides to retire which sets everybody plotting to take over the bar. It’s all a scam, I tell ya! Frank’s working some sort of angle.
BBC AMERICA 10-11 BROADCHURCH – “The people of Broadchurch struggle to come to terms with the devastating turn of events”. Super helpful! So instead, let’s all just remember the time David Tennant was on David Letterman’s show and Dave called this show Church Town.
8-10 AMERICAN IDOL – The Top 12 finalists perform. Kevin dialed Nibbles’ number. It went to voice mail, or at least he assumed that was the case. He heard several seconds of snorting and a whinny, then a beep. “Mr. Nibbles? Hi, this is Kevin. Just now had an interview with you and wanted to follow up. I look forward to hearing from you and getting the chance to prove my value to your company.”
10-10:30 ARCHER – An office romance is interrupted by the Russians. Based on the preview, I’d say it’s actually one specific Russian. That’s right, Katya’s back! And I’ve heard that Frisky Dingo‘s Mr. Ford appears this week.
8-9 AMAZING RACE – No information available! I refuse to beg!
11-11:30 COMEDY BANG! BANG! – Zach Galifianakis makes his annual visit to the show for an episode where everybody is very sleepy. I feel like it’s not impossible that they’d do an all-nap episode.
11:30-12 am THE JACK AND TRIUMPH SHOW – Triumph tries to break Siri’s spirit. Yes, that Siri. This show is a delight.
7:3-8 BOB’S BURGERS – Linda is disappointed by Bob’s idea of romance and there is also a wild chinchilla chase. Is that Bob’s idea of romance? Because, I’ll be honest with you, that sounds like a pretty awesome date.
8-8:30 THE SIMPSONS – Homer wins a contest to become the new Duffman. I’m sad that they’re not still making Simpsons action figures, because “Homer as Duffman” would be a pretty awesome figure.
8:30-9 BROOKLYN NINE-NINE – Holt insults Gina’s dance troupe and Boyle has to work a case with Scully and Hitchcock. I am already super-excited about that plot. I’m not sure we’ve ever seen those two engaging in any kind of police work.
9:30-10 THE LAST MAN ON EARTH – Phil must work fast in order to save human existence. Are you guys watching this show? You should be – it’s awesome!
8-9 ONCE UPON A TIME – No information available. I like to think that this show never has a listing because they’re only finishing the episodes like an hour before they go on the air.
9-10 THE WALKING DEAD – Rick and his group face challenges in their new home. I’m really hoping that there’s nothing sinister about Alexandria, but Rick and company are going to ruin it anyway because they’re all kind of buttholes now.
10-11 TALKING DEAD – People talk about the episode. I’ve decided that I should host an aftershow. My top picks are Gotham or The Leftovers, and I don’t know how to go about making this happen. But can you imagine?
“I just want my brother to envy my money, but he’s got that hair! Why can’t I have hair and money and he have nothing?” — George Bluth Sr.
“Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.” — Ron Swanson