Remember when Sweeps Months used to be a thing? November is ostensibly a Sweeps Month which meant we used to see a lot of new stuff and eagerly awaited premieres. And this year, we’re not seeing much of that. Is it proof the network model is dying out? Probably. But that’s for better minds than mine. Also, like every episode this week is about Thanksgiving. Which means that next week, we’re going to have so many repeats. Prepare yourselves!
Here’s what to watch on TV this week!
8-10 Dancing with the Stars – It’s the Semifinals! Sean Spicer is out! Now that I don’t have to busy myself with rooting against somebody, I can devote my time to voting for James Van Der Beek.
9-10 His Dark Materials – I still can’t get into this. Do I try again or cut bait and run? You decide! (Seriously, if anybody has an opinion, let me know.)
9-10 This Is Us – The Pearson family gathers for the first Thanksgiving at Randall’s townhouse. I swear, this show and Bob’s Burgers are the only ones who do Thanksgiving episodes every year. Maybe a crossover for next year? Please note, when I said this, I did not realize that every show is apparently doing a Thanksgiving episode this year. Also, more shows need to be on Tuesday. Right now it’s sort of the graveyard for shows I bailed on.
8-9 Survivor – Are we just getting back to normal with things after last week? That was just a whole mess of everybody acting gross and the only person who was actually a victim was also the one person who lost anything. It wasn’t the show’s fault, but it was really not fun to watch.
8-9 The Masked Singer – Looks like no guest host this week. I haven’t watched last week yet, so I know who was eliminated but not who was eliminated, if you know what I mean. Don’t worry about it if you don’t. You’re not missing anything!
8-8:30 The Goldbergs – Hey, a Thanksgiving episode! Beverly tries to heal the rift between her father and Murray and why would those two fight? They’re both delights! One of them is pretty mean, but in a delightful way!
8:30-9 Schooled – The faculty gets together for Thanksgiving. Probably none of them have families, right? Weird how it’s a whole school of unmarried, childless teachers. Maybe that should be what the show is about.
9-9:30 Modern Family – More Thanksgiving as people think Cam and Mitch have split up and they all start choosing sides. You know, there was a time when I would have been Team Cam, but now I’m Mitch all the way. I don’t have a strong opinion on this matter, but that is my opinion.
9:30-10 Single Parents – Will is busy with Thanksgiving dinner and as a result, Angie learns that his girlfriend is wonderful except for one big secret. Is it that she’s an actual demon from The Bad Place? Because she is and we all know it.
10-11 Stumptown – Dex goes undercover to investigate a politician and there is a tense Thanksgiving celebration. ABC: Three hours of Thanksgiving episodes coming your way!
10-11 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – SEASON FINALE! In two episodes, Dennis and Frank try to stop women from cutting their hair. And then Dennis wonders whether playing lazer tag is even worth it. No! Don’t question lazer tag! For if you can’t derive joy from that, where are you going to soothe your soul? At the axe-throwing place? I think not!
8:30-9 Perfect Harmony – Arthur joins the choir’s progressive Thanksgiving dinner so he can snoop around in their houses. Just like the Pilgrims did!
9-9:30 The Good Place – Hmmm. What can I say that will not be a spoilee for my friends? Um, Chidi thinks about his past? That’s nice and neutral, right?
8:30-9 The Unicorn – Wade and his daughters try to prepare Thanksgiving dinner for extended family and friends. Which is a pretty bold move, but also who’s going to complain that the recent widower’s turkey is a little dry?
10-11 Evil – Hey, this episode is not about Thanksgiving in the least! It’s about a remote art commune that may have information about David’s father. If they eat even one bite of turkey, I swear…
10-10:30 Mr. Inbetween – SEASON FINALE! “We live, no doubt, but does anybody really die?” OK, I’m convinced that’s actually just an anagram.
The Mandalorian – I do not know if there are listings online for the new episodes, but this guy who is not Boba Fett will definitely walk through an arid landscape and fight a beast of some sort. I really enjoyed the first two episodes, but I’m not going to be one of those weird “They saved Star Wars!” people. I feel like the anti-Last Jedi people are really pushing this show because it, so far, has not asked them to accept a woman as a protagonist or even a participant. Which is a shame because those people don’t deserve to be entertained. I feel like this could end up a contender for “Best Show with the Worst Fanbase” before too long.
11:30-1 am Saturday Night Live – Will Ferrell hosts! I look forward to seeing him! I just watched the Billy on the Street episode where he competes against small children to win an American Girl doll and I laughed so hard at his dumb scream. Also, we’re getting into Elf season, so that’ll be fun. Unfortunately, we’re also into “Um, actually Die Hard is a Christmas movie” season. Yes. We get it. Literally everybody knows that. You’re not some wild pop culture savant for knowing when a movie was set. Stop thinking that you’re blowing our minds and develop a personality.
8-8:30 The Simpsons – This is, and I am not making this up, a special Thanksgiving edition of “Treehouse of Horror”. I can not believe it took them 31 seasons to come up with that and I desperately want them to apply that format to Christmas so I can write about it.
8:30-9 Bless the Harts – The Harts plan to continue their tradition of Black Friday shopping in an episode titled “Mega-Lo Memories”. I love that they shop at the same chain as Hank Hill and family did. So few people are playing along with the Westphal Unified Universe these days.
9-9:30 Bob’s Burgers – If history is any indication, this is going to be the best Thanksgiving episode of the year. This time, Bob is determined to cook a heritage turkey even after the gas goes out.
9-10:20 The Walking Dead – A fight causes tensions in Oceanside and the Alexandrians set out on a high stakes mission. A mission that some may deem…. impossible. Instead of riffing on that, you know what I’d like to see on this show? A famous person. There must be some famous people who have survived, and it would be amazing if, like, J.K. Simmons joined their community. It wouldn’t have to be a major role. Just every once in a while you see Simmons or Jennifer Garner pitching in and helping shore up a fence or something.
9-10 Watchmen – Angela learns about her grandfather while under the influence of Nostalgia. Which was Adrian Veidt’s perfume line in the comics. I assume she’s not learning about the past through perfume, but it does sound like Veidt is maybe going to interact in some way with the main story.
10-10:30 Silicon Valley – No information available! For the most part, the people on this show are terrible and they richly deserve every misfortune that’s visited upon them, but Jared being mad at Richard is really bumming me out. Possibly because his new assessment of Richard is completely correct and it’s a reminder that we’ve been rooting for a turd.
10:30-11 Mrs. Fletcher – I am behind on this show so I don’t have anything to say yet. It’s good, though!
11:30-12 am Rick and Morty – No information available! Probably because they haven’t finished the episode yet. I have to say, I think this season’s premiere was a clever acknowledgment of how the grosser sections of the fanbase latch onto everything Rick says as a way that they should live their life – Rick’s only major pronouncement in the premiere is that fascism is bad. Let’s see if that translates into real world action or if their commitment only extends to demanding sauce from McDonald’s.
“I don’t actually have a heart. Inside my chest is a tiny ghost who scares the blood around my body.” — Dr. Klorpins
“If only the American people could have known you for your sense of humor and not for your bizarre indifference to apartheid.” — Selina Myers