TV is heading into low content mode for the holidays, so this is a bit short. But, if you’re looking for content, Tuesday begins our annual 12 Days of Christmas Episodes celebration where I review a Christmas episode every day. This year, I did almost entirely shows that I haven’t covered before, including several that I’ve been specifically avoiding. This year, I watched a Christmas episode that, for the first time in ten or so years of this, made me think about how I’m going to die one day and I’m using part of my finite time on Earth for this project.
Also, I say the movies Knives Out and Parasite, and they’re both excellent. You should watch them!
Here’s what to watch on TV this week!
8-9 Batwoman – Part 2 of Crisis on Infinite Earths! I believe this is the episode that includes Kevin Conroy as Bruce Wayne, which is my main motivation for watching a five-part crossover between shows that I don’t watch. I honestly might cry.
10-11 Making It – Despite promises, this season is not even a little-bit holiday-themed. It’s also weird that they’re running show a wholesome show at 10. It should be a family watch! Said by a man without a family.
8-9 The Masked Singer – It’s a special Tuesday night episode! There are six singers left and they all perform tonight! I feel like this season has been going on for a very long time. Maybe it was a bad idea to start with 200 singers.
8-9 The Flash – Part 3 of Crisis on Infinite Earths! This time, they bring in Black Lightning who already has a show that is not being included in the crossover, and the Flash from the 1990 series on CBS. Which is cool, but let’s not start pretending that show was good. We watched it because it was on. That one with Mark Hamill as the Trickster was pretty good, but that’s it.
10-11 Making It – Another episode! There’s no listing! Let’s just hope Nick Offerman giggles, because that’s still just the best thing.
8-9 Survivor – No information available! Last week was the annual loved ones visit, and it is still super creepy that Jeff Probst refers to time spent as “a reward in the form of love”.
8-9 The Masked Singer – It’s the Semi-Finals! Two singers unmasked! Will one of them be Victor Oladipo? Because he’s obviously Thingamajig – the only question is if he’s eliminated tonight to prove it.
9-11 Making It – SEASON FINALE! Two episodes wrap up this high-speed season. I wish they hadn’t just burned through the season, but it’s still a fun show.
10-11 Stumptown – Mid-Season Finale! Dex goes undercover as a substitute teacher but we’re all more concerned about how she woke up with her friend’s girlfriend. I feel like nobody is going to be cool with what happened there.
8:30-9 The Unicorn – Wade has his first crush since his wife died. Man, I miss having crushes. Does anybody want to be my crush? It won’t involve much effort on your part and I will just occasionally try to impress you while knowing that I’m going about it all wrong.
10-11 Evil – No information available, but it’s the Christmas episode. I’m sure this will be merry!
12-12:30 Joe Pera Talks With You – This week, Joe waits for his Nana to finish her appointment and wanders the neighborhood when the power goes out. Did you guys see Joe on Colbert last week? The line between what is a character and what’s just him is so blurry right now.
6 Underground – Michael Bay’s new movie opens on Netflix. I don’t like his stuff, but Sam says Pain and Gain is actually good, and this looks kind of like that. It’ll definitely be better than a Transformers movie!
The Mandalorian – Look, this show is fun to watch, but let’s be honest. This is really just a mid-90s “Action Pack” series with the Star Wars license and an unlimited budget.
11:30-1 am Saturday Night Live – Scarlett Johansson hosts! I was going to make a joke about her being more emotionally invested in this than in her last ten movies, but she’s actually really good in Jojo Rabbit and that Black Widow trailer looks great. (Though Florence Pugh and David Harbour help significantly.) So then I was going to do something about how she keeps defending Woody Allen and she also says she should be allowed to play any race, but that’s a bummer. So let’s just note that she’s been dating Colin Jost for a long time and that still seems weird.
I don’t want to start a whole thing where I start listing Christmas TV-Movies because those things are ridiculous but they’re all ridiculous in the same way and it would get boring. But I want to present a partial list of movies and specials premiering tonight. Again, this is a partial list: Christmas at Dollywood, Christmas in Paris, Dear Santa – I Need a Date, Grounded for Christmas, and the obviously titled by a machine Time for You to Come Home for Christmas.
Also, at this moment, FOX is showing their lineup as “To Be Announced”, which is weird in this day and age. It might be that it’s a football game and the teams just aren’t known yet, but don’t hold me to that.
9-10:10 Watchmen – SEASON FINALE! “Everything ends. For real this time.” HBO is calling it a season finale, but Damon Lindelof has been very clear that this is a one-time only miniseries, so it’s probably the series finale. Either way, this series has been amazing and not at all what I expected from Watchmen while also definitely being Watchmen.
11:30-12 am Rick and Morty – No information available! And I don’t know for sure that it’s new because they have generic titles now. But if it is new, this is the midseason finale.
“In addition to sushi, booze, and soft cheeses, I’m also supposed to abstain from bus crashes. So stay awake.” — Lana Kane
“Guy threw his leg out the window, jumped out, then slid down a light pole and gave me the bird. Come on, I love this guy. Let me catch him.” — Raylan Givens