It’s a new week and I’m sick again, but not with the same thing I was sick with a couple of weeks ago. I’m falling apart. Honestly, I think I fell apart a long time ago and now the pieces are finally starting to settle. None of this should detract from the fact that Dancing with the Stars and Grace and Frankie return this week. Also, the new Mass Effect game comes out and that’s pretty much going to be it for my outside interests for the next month or so.
Here’s what to watch on TV this week!
8-10 Dancing with the Stars – SEASON PREMIERE! I’m crazy excited that Mr. T is going to be on this new season. However, I want to not that according to DirecTV, “The celebrities dance with the judges”. Preposition trouble. (Read that in a Daffy Duck voice and it’s very funny.)
8-9 Supergirl – This episode starts the Supergirl / Flash musical crossover, but apparently the Music Meister only shows up at the end. Once again, Supergirl gets stuck with a Red Sky crossover…
10-12 am Humans – SEASON FINALE! Mattie reaches out to Max for help, Mia and Hester break into the silo, Nika prepares to return to Berlin and something happens that made my friend Lana text me in shock before she realized that her overseas TV is ahead of me. I don’t know what it is, but it’s going to be big!
8-9 The Flash – Flash and Supergirl are trapped in a musical by the Music Meister, which will probably be pretty good but you should definitely check out the Meister’s introduction in the musical episode of Batman: The Brave and the Bold because that episode is rad.
9-10 DC’s Legends of Tomorrow – The Legends meet JRR Tolkien in World War I, and I feel like Mick would really want to bully that pipe-smoking nerd. Also, they’re still trying to rebuild the Spear of Destiny and how hard can that be? Spears are pretty much the easiest thing in the world.
8-8:30 New Girl – Jess takes care of her dad in Portland and Aly meets Winston’s mom, who doesn’t know that they’re cops. Which seems ridiculous, but most of my best friends would be hard pressed to tell you what my job is. I’m pretty sure at least one person in my inner circle thinks I’m a bank teller.
10-11 The Americans – Philip and Elizabeth tell Paige more about their background but then an operation takes a ghastly turn. That makes me think Gordon Ramsay is involved. Just ghastly.
10-10:30 Teachers – SEASON FINALE! Feldman starts an underground junk food ring in “Lunchtime! The Musical”. We’re very big on musicals tonight!
10-10:30 The Detour – Nate has some tough conversations at a Tae Kwan Do tournament. Oh, somebody is going to break some boards.
10:30-11 Detroiters – Tim and Sam get fired by a client, so they make an ad for their competitor. Let’s hear it for the rebounds!
8-9 Survivor – A dramatic twist in the game sends shock waves though the tribes. How long will that last as the vaguest listing of the week?
8-9 Arrow – Prometheus attempts to break Oliver and I am so tired of Prometheus episodes, especially when this version doesn’t even live in a Crooked House.
8-9 Shots Fired – SERIES PREMIERE! This miniseries focuses on the ramifications of a racially-charged police shooting, only it’s a black cop shooting a white person. So this show is basically every argument your uncle makes on Facebook.
10-11 Legion – “David tries to find a way out of his predicament.” Think you’ve vague, Survivor? Freaking Legion just showed you the door!
10-11 Hap and Leonard: Mucho Mojo – Hap and Florida scheme to rescue Leonard and a series of cryptic clues lead our heroes to a person of interest. This show is so great, you guys.
8-9 MasterChef: Junior Edition – Oh, this seems like a good idea – they children are required to use a blowtorch in the preparation of their dish. Next week – they have to chop vegetables blindfolded!
8:30-9 Powerless – They air the episode that was supposed to air last week until it got bumped in favor or re-airing the Trial & Error episode that ran two days before. So if you’re wondering if Powerless is going to get a second season, that should be your clue.
10-10:30 Review – In this episode, Forrest swaps roles with AJ, tries to live like Helen Keller, and visits his ex-wife to review forgiveness. This sounds great but I know that last one is absolutely going to destroy me. We’re close to the end and there’s no way Forrest can have any kind of happy ending.
10-10:30 Baskets – SEASON FINALE! Christine turns to Arby’s after Chip joins the Russians. That is an assemblage of words right there. And it will actually make sense in the context of the episode.
Grace and Frankie – New season of the show I still haven’t had time to watch! Myndi likes it and June Diane Raphael is in it, so it’s probably real good! (There are only so many hours in the day! And I fill them all with TV!)
11-11:30 Samurai Jack – No information available, but the premiere rekindled my love for this weird, weird show.
7:30-8:30 Bob’s Burgers – Two episodes! The Belcher kids try to save the local aquarium and Tina finds success on the debate team. It is very hard to picture her debating and not just saying “uhhhhhh….”.
8:30-9 Making History – Our friends go back to the 1990s to give Dan another shot at finishing a Bellybuster ice cream sundae. Hee! Finally, the time travel show that we deserve!
9:30-10 The Last Man on Earth – Carol makes a big discovery and Todd has a breakthrough with Melissa. Man, I am loving the way Melissa has basically become Hannibal Lecter. Nobody saw that coming, and it’s amazing.
9-10 The Walking Dead – A group of Alexandrians embarks on a journey. They’re finally going to see historic Williamsburg!
10-11 Into the Badlands – The Widow consolidates her power and since she’s my favorite, that’s the only part of the listing that I’m acknowledging.
11-12 am Talking Dead – Chris Hardwick and a panel of guest discuss the new episode. This week’s panel: Garry Trudeau, Carmen Electra, and that girl who interrupted her dad on the BBC. (Panel subject to change because I just now made them up.)
“We don’t have any floss. We all agreed not to get food between our teeth.” — Bob Belcher
“Larry isn’t that bad; he’s nice! And frankly, I don’t care who knows that I said that as long as nobody knows that I send that.” — Ben Wyatt