Hi all!

This weeks runs the gamut from Memorial Day all the way to my birthday, so you’d think the TV options would just be out of control, right? Well… Yes, we do get new seasons of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and Arrested Development (I still can’t believe that one. It’s been almost as long since the first Netflix season as it was between the FOX cancellation and the Netflix revival.), and one of my favorite shows, The Americans, ends its run this week. But aside from that, the options are a little thin.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

MONDAY

Happy Memorial Day! To celebrate, please enjoy a thoroughly underwhelming night of TV!

 

TUESDAY

FX

10-11 Legion – “Inner demons take control”. Do you think Noah Hawley is OK with these episode descriptions? Like, does he want them to be minimal and misleading or do they make him thing that the person writing the listings has never seen the show? I wonder about this.

TBS

10:30-11 The Last O.G. – It’s a flashback to the day Tray was arrested! Man, Tracy Morgan is actually doing some acting on this show and it weirds me out. He’s putting forth effort!

TRUTV

11-12 am The Chris Gethard Show – Paul Rudd stops by! Most of the guest seem like people Chris would probably know one way or another, but there’s no way he knows Paul Rudd. Here’s hoping Paul knows what the show is!

NETFLIX

Arrested Development – No, I’m not making that up. Here and now in 2018, we’re getting the long-awaited fifth season of one of my favorite comedies ever. They’re actually pulling the Tick move of splitting up the season, so we get eight episodes today and eight later in the year, but I’ll take whatever they want to give me. I just love those Bluths so much.

 

WEDNESDAY

NBC

8-10 American Ninja Warrior – SEASON PREMIERE! Yeah! We begin with the Dallas City Qualifiers and we’ll get to see what new obstacles will wipe out absolutely everybody. I bet they actually have to wrestle a bear this year.

10-11 Reverie – SERIES PREMIERE! Person of Interest‘s Sara Shahi plays a hostage negotiator who rescues people trapped in virtual reality. I can’t tell if I’m into it or if it sounds dumb, but I like Shahi a lot so I’ll check it out.

FOX

8-10 MasterChef – SEASON PREMIERE! My favorite part of the Gordon Ramsay media empire! Also, I’m really happy that Joe is back as a judge. He’s mostly pretty nice on the Junior Edition, but even still he can destroy a small child. I’m looking forward to turning the full Penance Stare onto adults.

FXX

10-10:30 Archer: Danger IslandA newcomer refuses to help, and I’m hoping it’s the Danger Island version of an established character. Possibly Cheryl’s brother. Either way, the title is “Some Remarks on Cannibalism”, which is great.

FX

10-11:30 The Americans – SERIES FINALE! The Jennings face a choice that will change their lives forever. I don’t want any more details than that, but based on the most recent episode, I suspect I’ll spend most of the episode in a fetal position, softly sobbing.

IFC

10-10:30 Brockmire – Jim gets a new job and then tries to do the right thing in the worst way possible. Man, Hank Azaria is so good on this.

NETFLIX

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – It’s the first half of Season Four! Yes, it’s the same thing Arrested Development is also doing this week. I love this show, but I feel like Kimmy and AD have a lot of shared fans and maybe they don’t need to release on two consecutive days. Well, I wasn’t doing anything this weekend anyway.

 

THURSDAY

Um, there is not much going on tonight. Catch up on Handmaid’s Tale or work on those new episodes of Arrested Development and Kimmy Schmidt.

 

FRIDAY

DISCOVERY

8-9 BattleBots – I am ashamed at how many fighting robots I can identify by name. So I will not tell you who’s fighting but, come on, Tombstone. Coolest robot, most overbearing owner. It’s a lot to deal with.

 

SUNDAY

AMC

9-10 Fear the Walking Dead – Hey, this show has gone from useless to better than the main show to genuinely good over the course of this season. I’m really enjoying it, and I like that, unlike the mothership, characters have goals beyond and aside from “survival”. It’s not the same story repeated every season and I’m into it.

10-11 Into the BadlandsAs for this show, I’ve decided to accept that I will never understand or care about the mythology but it doesn’t matter because there’s a fight scene every five minutes and those are rad. They should call it Fight Scene: The Series.

11-12 am Talking Dead – A panel of guests discusses the new episodes. This week’s guests: Danny Pudi, Ben Schwartz, and Bobby Moynihan. (Panel subject to change because I just now made them up.)

HBO

9-10 Westworld – No information available! So, I knew it would be a tough haul when I had to recap Westworld and Legion at the same time, but man, both of those shows currently have characters who can’t tell past from present and it stresses me out something fierce.

10-11 Succession – SERIES PREMIERE! This new series focuses on a wealthy media magnate and his family and it’s sort of Rupert Murdoch if you squint a little. I don’t know much else, but Adam McKay helped develop the series and he’s a pretty reliable bellwether.

 

“You should listen to me. I came up with hundreds of plans in my life and only one of them got me killed.” — Jason Mendoza

 

“It’s easier to buy two GameBoys than it is to make one friend.” — Griffin McElroy

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