It’s another slow TV week, with little to distract you from the fact that the country is on fire. I don’t know what to tell you. It’s my birthday this week, and I don’t want to tell you how old I am because it’s so very old. I’ve lived longer than I had any right to and one day my sins will catch up with me.
Here’s what to watch on TV this week!
8-9 Titan Games – I couldn’t remember if I liked this show or not last week, but the Season Two premiere was pretty rad. Imagine if American Ninja Warrior had sledgehammers.
And since it’s a light week, I guess once again I’ll pick a favorite thing every day. Just to pad out my word count, like Charles Dickens.
Best Doom Patrol Writer: Grant Morrison, of course. In fact, the ranking of every Doom Patrol writer is as follows: Morrison, Arnold Drake, John Arcudi, Keith Giffen, Gerard Way, Paul Kupperberg, Rachel Pollack, John Byrne. And I can’t stress enough how steep the dropoff is before that last one.
Really just some Gordon Ramsay repeats tonight. Unless you’re psyched about the final season of Fuller House.
Best Video Game Series – It’s too hard for me to pick a favorite game because I’ve been playing since the days when my family had a wood-paneled Pong console. But as a series, the Mass Effect trilogy is pretty much perfect and I think about it all the time.
8-10 Up – Man, ABC knows how to celebrate my birthday. This is a dang masterpiece and one of my favorite movies ever.
10-11 Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – The agents question their own values. But hopefully do action stuff at the same time.
9-10 Ultimate Tag – This show is so dumb and I had a lot of fun watching it the last two weeks. Also, I might have a crush on one of the Taggers. I’m not ready to talk about it yet.
10-10:30 At Home with Amy Sedaris – Amy holds a Labor Day BBQ. I love how they’re just doing all the holidays this season and putting then in whatever order.
10-10:30 What We Do in the Shadows – Nandor and Laszlo are abducted by a coven of Brooklyn witches. I assume they wear tiny little derby hats and I don’t know why I associate that affectation with Brooklyn, but I assume it’s because of old time cartoons.
Best Doctor Who – This one hurts because I love all the modern ones plus Tom Baker, and I feel like Peter Capaldi deserves my support after getting hosed by the BBC, but you just don’t get better than David Tennant.
9-10 Holey Moley – We are living in a golden age of shows that I’m embarrassed to watch and yet can’t stop myself.
Best Marvel Superhero – He hasn’t had a good movie yet, but the Thing is my guy. Spider-Man is a close second, and if we just go by the movies, then it’s Ant-Man and Thor.
The Last Days of American Crime – I didn’t even know this was going to be a movie, but the graphic novel was awesome. I’m going to watch this!
Best Fast and Furious Movie – Now, I don’t like any of the pre-Rock movies, so that cuts down the list right away. I’m going with Fate of the Furious, because I’ve decided that spinoff Hobbs and Shaw doesn’t count.
9-10 Quiz – Part two of the game show miniseries that hasn’t premiered yet as I write this. But I bet I enjoy it!
9-10 I Know This Much is True – No information available! I mean, the information is available if I find the corresponding section in the book, but I’m very tired.
Best Looney Tunes Character – Daffy Duck, baby! Not even a contest!
“I’d say it’s a gift from God, but that’d be giving the man upstairs a little too much credit. This is all me, baby.” — Ash Williams
“Turkey’s in, time to make everything else. Potatoes. Hello, good to see you. Carrots. You’ll be…. pretty good. I mean, you’re not potatoes, but you’ll be fine.” — Bob Belcher