Hi all!

The season finales start rolling in this week which means I’m about to transition from “How do I get all of my TV watched?” to “How am I going to fill a week’s worth of website content?” There’s never a time of year when running a TV website isn’t stressful. Luckily, it’s rewarding in other ways like when strangers tweet mean things at you because you didn’t like Suicide Squad. To which I say: It’s been almost a year. The people who were in that movie have forgotten about Suicide Squad. You are the Confederacy of superhero movies. Find something else to be wrong about.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

MONDAY

FOX

8-9 GothamGordon tracks down the weapon that is supposed to destroy Gotham City (I’m telling you, the “weapon” is going to be Ra’s al Ghul) and Bruce learns the Court of Owls’ next move. And per the trailer, it looks like Hugo Strange is back. I can’t even tell you how happy I am that this was renewed for next season.

ABC

8-10 Dancing with the Stars – In the semifinals, each of the judges pairs up with a couple and assigns them a specific challenge. Also, Cheryl Burke is back! I’ve missed her!

CW

8-9 Supergirl – Cat Grant returns to National City! In other words, Calista Flockhart agrees to spend a couple of days in Vancouver.

AMC

10-11:05 Better Call Saul – Jimmy has a new endeavor and Nacho finds himself in a power struggle. Look at how vague we are! Also, this show is the dang best.

TBS

10:30-11 Angie Tribeca – The team goes to New York to investigate the death of a middle-aged white man and Angie thinks their serial killer is back at work. The fact that this show has continuity remains the weirdest thing in the world.

 

TUESDAY

FOX

8-9 Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Two episodes! Holt’s mom gets robbed! Scully and Hitchcock have a fight! Jake and Rosa try to earn the respect of their idol! So many thing happen! And we’re getting a fifth season!

CW

8-9 The Flash – The Flash turns to Captain Cold to save the woman he loves in an episode title “Infantino Street”. That’s a nice tribute to the longtime Flash artist who drew the two covers with the best dialogue in the history of comics. First: “I have the strangest feeling I’m being turned into a puppet.” Second: “Hold that gorilla, Batman! The instant he touches the ground, the bombs strapped to his body will destroy Gotham City!”

NBC

9-10 Great News – So, I thought the way NBC was burning off this delightful comedy meant that it was going to disappear down the memory hole, but it was renewed for a second season. Look at NBC, very occasionally making a good decision.

ABC

10-11 Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – SEASON FINALE! In another show that got renewed, the season wraps with Ghost Rider return to help Coulson and the team stop Aida from ending the world. As the Tick said: “Destroy the world? That’s where I keep all my stuff!”

FX

10-11 The Americans – A surprise assignment from the Centre divides Philip and Elizabeth and Stan gives Henry a tour of the FBI. I feel like I should make a timely political joke, but I’m no Mark Russell.

 

WEDNESDAY

CBS

8-9 Survivor – There are two shocking tribal councils in this hour! And then three more that aren’t at all shocking. It’s all tribal councils from toe to tip!

CW 8-9 Arrow – Black Siren returns and you all need to understand that our CW DC recapper Mark Espinosa is already cackling with glee over this. But if nobody bothers to tell Lance, it’s going to crush him. Your move, Team Arrow! Mark needs this!

ABC

8-8:30 The Goldbergs – SEASON FINALE! Erica tries to delay graduating to spend more time with her mother, Barry’s plans fall apart, and Adam and Jackie officially become a couple. How did people make that official before Facebook?

9-9:30 Modern Family – SEASON FINALE! The family prepares for Luke and Manny to graduate. Do not think about how young those kids were when the show started because you’re going to fee so old and you’ll just want to disappear into the see.

9:30-10 Downward Dog – SERIES PREMIERE! Fargo‘s Allison Tolman starts in this series about a single woman narrated by her dog. The trailer that I saw was not very good but word it that the show is better than expected. Also, I assume that the titular dog is, in fact, a Very Good Boy.

FXX

10-10:30 Archer – Guys? Archer and Trexler try to escape Barry’s wrath by telling the world’s worst knock-knock joke. If you’re not watching the Dreamland season, you are missing out.

FX

10-11:30 Fargo – Emmit feels the consequences of Nikki and Ray’s retaliation while Gloria starts putting the pieces together. Meanwhile, I assume, Varga just runs roughshod over everybody with zero consequences. I need something bad to happen to him!

 

THURSDAY

FOX

8-10 MasterChef Junior – SEASON FINALE! The young chefs try to impress Wolfgang Puck and Martha Stewart, people they may have heard their parents talk about at some point.

CBS

9-11 The Amazing Race – Two episodes, no descriptions! Why are you so secretive, you bunch of weirdos?

 

FRIDAY

NETFLIX

The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – Season Three hits today! If you haven’t already watched the first two seasons, you are crazy and probably don’t enjoy comedy.

 

SATURDAY

BBC AMERICA

9-10 Doctor Who – No information available, but this is a Steven Moffat script for an episode following one heck of a cliffhanger. The trailer indicates the involvement of the Vatican, Missy, and River Song’s Diary. Plus that thing I don’t want to spoil because I have friends who are behind on this show. I know that’s hard to imagine.

ADULT SWIM

11-11:30 Samurai Jack – SERIES FINALE! Jack battles Aku and the entire fate of the universe hangs in the balance. How many other shows this week pivot on the actual fate of the universe?

NBC

11:30-1 am Saturday Night Live – SEASON FINALE! Dwayne Johnson hosts! He usually does pretty well on this show, even if there’s very little reason for them to bust out “The Rock” Obama.

HULU

Becoming Bond – It’s an original documentary about George Lazenby, the one-and-done James Bond. I’m into this, especially on the heels of Hulu’s Batman and Bill. It’s like they’re hitting on me. (My pre-documentary take: On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is quite good even if it’s racist even by early Bond standards. Lazenby is decent but uninspiring and kind of a douche.)

 

SUNDAY

FOX

7:30-8 Bob’s Burgers – SEASON FINALE! Bob enters a float contest, thinking he can score an easy win. Oh, Bob. You’ve never had an easy win. This is a fool’s errand.

8-8:30 The Simpsons – SEASON FINALE! Homer’s court case determines that a dog’s life is more valuable than a human’s and the dogs seize power. In other words, the first episode in 28 seasons that my mother would watch.

8:30-9 Making History – SERIES FINALE! Dan tries to help Chris get his job back and Deb tries to get Hancock and Adams to return to the past. Sadly, this is the end of Making History because FOX is bad at marketing and should have run the first two episodes as a single hour and then also made some ads.

HBO

9-10 The Leftovers – Laurie heads to Australia to help Nora and Kevin along their paths. She’s very devoted! Or genuinely worried about the two of them because they have both lost their minds in very harmful ways.

10-10:30 Silicon ValleyRichard’s new business relationship begins to fall apart and Dinesh tries to get out of his non-business relationship. I feel like being himself would go a long way toward resolving that.

10:30-11 Veep – Selina visits Qatar and Dan gets a visit from Human Resources. This does not tell us whether new recurring cast member Paul Scheer is in this episode, but let’s assume that he is.

STARZ

9-10 American Gods – This episode focuses on Laura’s life and death including why she seems to not be dead anymore. I am enjoying this show but when I go to write about it, I realize that only like three things happened in an entire hour and it seems like that might be a problem.

SHOWTIME

9-11 Twin PeaksSEASON PREMIERE! I feel like I’m not as excited about this revival as most people who care a lot about TV, and that’s partly because Season Two of the original series exists, as does everything Lynch has done in the last ten years. I no longer have any confidence in his ability to tell a story or even place images on a screen in a way that can be considered narrative.

 

“It feels like breakfast in bed is just practice for when they put me in a home.” — Linda Belcher

 

“In my family, basketball is a religion. Also Catholicism. That’s actually the main one.” — Richard Splett

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