A lot of season finales this week, plus the series finale of Veep. The schedule will be much shorter next week and I’m looking to settle into my summer routine of writing short schedules and reviewing episodes of Batman ’66.
Here’s what to watch on TV this week!
9-10 Chernobyl – SERIES PREMIERE! Wow, original HBO scripted programming on a Monday! And what we have here is a miniseries about the Chernobyl disaster, which looks pretty good because they advertise it before Game of Thrones every week so I’m already pumped.
10-11 Into the Badlands – SERIES FINALE! Man, I’m going to miss those karate fights. Hey, here’s a thing. I’ve been doing these schedules for eleven years or so. Some weeks I approach them with enthusiasm because I’m all excited to find out what’s on TV this week and then write jokes. Some weeks, I really feel the weight of having done way more than 500 of these and I’m trapped in a hell of my own making. This is one of the latter weeks. I’m going to try and do a good job, but I woke up and realized I had to write a schedule and I just felt sad.
10-11 MasterChef Junior – The teams cook for a group of female role models. Including Captain Marvel! That is almost definitely not true. But speaking of, there’s a mall with a big movie theater in my town. For the opening of Endgame, the mall had a thing where you could have your picture taken with Black Widow and Captain Marvel. I mean, not the real ones obviously, but ladies in costumes. And Captain Marvel looked great – she had a stretchy costume with the design printed on it, and she was doing bits for the kids. The Black Widow lady was just wearing a leather jacket and had long black hair, which is like the only color hair that character doesn’t have. Kids did not want their picture taken with what was basically a stranger in regular clothes.
10-10:30 The Last O.G. – Hey, this week just has boilerplate listings. There’s a part of me that secretly believes that when that happens, they haven’t actually finished the episode yet. And somebody’s going to run a reel of film over to TBS at the last minutes and they’ll have to just put it on the air.
10-11 Fosse/Verdon – Old friends reunite and new tensions emerge between Bob and Gwen. New tensions? I don’t think they have anything else they can have tensions over! They have every area covered.
8-9 Survivor – No information available. I’m too tired to check a second source. Just let me live my life.
9-10 The Amazing Race – There’s no information listed at this time, but the title is “I Took Out a Polar Bear” and that makes me think somebody will fight and defeat a polar bear and that somebody will definitely be Colin.
8-8:30 The Goldbergs – SEASON FINALE! Barry and Adam throw have had maybe one or two breakdance battles max, so this is an achievable goal n the greatest breakdance battle in the history of their school. I mean, most schools.
8:30-9 Schooled – SEASON FINALE! CB tries to help Barry win back Lainey’s heart. It is so weird when Barry is on both shows in the same night because they’re set ten or so years apart and there is no attempt to age anybody up for this show.
9-9:30 Modern Family – SEASON FINALE! Everbody looks back at how they celebrated their most recent birthday. I mean, I hope that’s just a narrative device and they don’t actually sit in the same room and take turns saying “Well, remember my birthday?”
9:30-10 Single Parents – SEASON FINALE! Will convinces Angie to confront her ex, who’s played by her real life husband, Adam Brody. Seth Cohen! Man, I miss The O.C.
10-11 Whiskey Cavalier – The team goes undercover at a college. We can agree Scott Foley is in amazing shape, but he can’t pass for a college student. I don’t know why I’m picking on him specifically, or forgetting that colleges also have faculty.
10-11 Happy! – This episodes brings us a disturbing family dinner. Man, I’d be surprised if they had any other kind on this show.
10-10:30 What We Do in the Shadows – The vampires have to defend themselves before an international tribunal for their recent transgressions. Oh man, “international” makes me think this might cross over with the New Zealand vampires from the movie.
10-10:30 Brockmire – No information available, but it’s Brockmire. It’ll be a good time.
9-9:30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine – The crew holds the annual Halloween Heist on Cinco de Mayo. Yes! That’s how you get around not airing any episodes in October!
9:30-10 Abby’s – There are surprising repercussions when a repairman fixes a broken soda gun. That seems like a line that would set up an old Zippy strip. Wow. There was a time in my life when I was obsessed with Zippy the Pinhead. In my junior year college directory, I swapped out my picture with a picture of Zippy. I have not read or maybe even thought about Zippy in about twenty years. Where has the time gone?
10-10:30 Better Things – “Sam chaperones and Frankie slams”. Sure. Thanks, listing.
8-9 Marvel’s Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. – SEASON PREMIERE! I don’t know whether this season takes place before or after Endgame, and either one presents some fun opportunities that history suggests they will probably squander.
Easy – Season three premieres today! This is a fun series of loosely interlocking episodes starring, basically, everybody. So, my friend Rachael told me about this show last year when we were having second Thanksgiving and she put on an episode. She went to the kitchen to check on food, and then a surprisingly graphic lesbian sex scene happened. And I realized that no matter what I’m doing when she comes back in the room, it’s going to feel creepy. Like if I’m paying attention or I’m trying to be casual, it’s going to be weird. So my solution was to get up to, walk into the kitchen and say “lesbians on TV”.
Wine Country – This movie is like The Expendables of comedy actresses. Poehler! Dratch! Fey! Gasteyer! Rudolph! Pell! Oh, and it’s written by the very funny Emily Spivey and Liz Cackowski. That’s all pretty great.
Sneaky Pete – The third season hits today, and I feel like I haven’t seen the second season yet. But it’s a very good show.
11:30-1 am Saturday Night Live – Emma Thompson hosts! That’s sort of an out of the blue pick, but she’ll be fun to watch.
8-8:30 The Simpsons – SEASON FINALE! Marge discovers the healing power of crystals and goes into business. Clearly Marge does not listen to Sawbones or she’d now that crystals are bunk.
8:30-9 Bob’s Burgers – SEASON FINALE! Zeke gets into trouble and Randy rents the restaurant to shoot a film. So it’s an episode about the funniest regular character with a subplot about one of Paul F. Tompkins’ characters. This is a win for all of us.
10-11 Good Girls – Rio uses some unnerving tactics to return Beth to her life of crime and Ruby makes a reckless decision. As opposed to her many carefully-considered decisions over the last two seasons.
AMC / BBC AMERICA
8-9 Killing Eve – Villanelle uses her infiltration skills to immerse herself in the world of a new target. I’m enjoying how this season is more explicitly comedic than the last one. I imagine it’ll get much darker soon.
9-10:20 Game of Thrones – It’s the penultimate episode and there is no information available and the preview was basically a series of images confirming that, yes, this episode will have a video component.
10:20-10:50 Barry – Barry prepares for his first audition and NoHo Hank bares all. Whether that last one is metaphoric or literal, it’s going to be upsetting.
10:50-11:40 Veep – SERIES FINALE! The race comes to a historic finish and the show comes to an end. I will miss everybody most of all.
“Somebody just but the ‘neato’ in ‘incognito’.” — Kimmy Schmidt
“My life is more difficult than anyone else’s on the planet and, yes I’m including starving children, so don’t ask.” — Gene Belcher