It’s a big TV week. We’ve got the final episode of Halt and Catch Fire, the return of the CW’s superhero shows, Mr. Robot, and the debut of Sarah Silverman’s new Hulu show. Plus new episodes of about a million things. It’s a humdinger, to be sure.
Here’s what to watch on TV this week!
8-10 Dancing with the Stars – It’s Most Memorable Year Night! That means I’ll have to spend half of the episode in tears and the other half rolling my eyes at Disney Channel starts who picked this year because they haven’t lived through many others.
8-9 Supergirl – SEASON PREMIERE! Kara deals with the loss of Mon-El by focusing on being Supergirl. I feel like that’s a pretty good thing to focus on even when you’re not sad about a breakup.
9-10 Valor – SERIES PREMIERE! It’s Mon-El’s spinoff series! I will keep hammering that joke into the ground to the amusement of nobody but myself. This is the third of three network military dramas this year, and this is the one where the trailer is absolutely inscrutable.
9-10 The Gifted – Blink exerts her powers beyond their limits and goes into shock. I’m not sure how I felt about the premiere – it was decent but I don’t know if it was enough to get me to stick with it. So I’ll give it another shot. I always err on the side of watching more TV.
8-9 The Flash – SEASON PREMIERE! Barry is trapped in the Speed Force so Vibe has to protect the city. Other people too, but none as ludicrous as Vibe. Remember when he was strangled by a pair of floating hands? That’s Vibe’s legacy.
9-10 Legends of Tomorrow – SEASON PREMIERE! The Legends break time and have to stop Julius Caesar from conquering the modern world. I feel like they’d just have to show him, like, a car and it would blow his mind and distract from the conquering.
9-10 This Is Us – Kate visits Kevin on the set of his movie and Rebecca tries to reconnect with Jack. In a flashback, I assume. Or else this show is taking some weird bounces.
9:30-10 Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Jake and Rosa return to the precinct and Rosa believes Pimento is cheating on her. Zouks would never do that!
10-11 Kevin (Probably) Saves the World – Bad title, pretty good show! That’s my official stance on it for now. Give me another episode or two and I’ll have more to say.
8-9 Survivor – One castaway’s romantic feelings for another may cause them both to spill secrets. Not game secrets – mostly tax stuff.
8-8:30 The Goldbergs – Beverly tries to reunite the coach with his brother, which is tough because he’s in a maximum security prison. Anybody? Remember how Bryan Callen played Coushaine on Seasons Two and Three of Oz and he was one of the very few characters who didn’t get a flashback to his crime? Also, they never mentioned him again after he left the show so the character’s fate is unknown? Am I the only one who thinks about that all the time?
9-9:30 Modern Family – Phil is convinced he’ll have a day of bad luck. As much as I love Ty Burrell, his character has definitely moved into the realm of cartoonishness, right?
CW 9-10 Dynasty – SERIES PREMIERE! It’s a reboot of the classic primetime soap and I’m so very tired.
10-10:30 You’re the Worst – Gretchen reconnects with an old friend, who I can only hope will be Aya Cash’s actual high school classmate and America’s radio sweetheart, Jesse Thorn.
10-11 Mr. Robot – SEASON PREMIERE! The new season begins and I have to confess that I wasn’t really into Season Two and I don’t think I finished it. I also think Stranger Things is just OK so apparently I’m the monster.
8-9 Gotham – Bruce puts lives at risk to uncover the meaning behind the knife he bought and Sofia Falcone goes up against the Penguin. And if we’re lucky, maybe we find out what’s going on with Ivy. I’m worried!
8:30-9 The Good Place – Tahani tries to impress everybody with a dinner party and it’s probably going to be a hundred times weirder than it sounds.
9:30-10 Great News – Diana is involved in a sexual harassment scandal and Katie is unsure who to believe. I was going to say not to believe Diana, but that puts me in weird “don’t believe women” territory and that’s not OK. But I was going from the assumption that Diana is the harasser because that fits her character and I’ll just shut up now.
9-10 Arrow – SEASON PREMIERE! Oliver deals with the fallout of the explosion and I don’t know whether that’s literal or metaphoricals.
9-10:30 Project Runway – The designers have to create an avant garde look based on Shopkins. I have never heard of Shopkins before, so let me do a quick Google Image…. OH DEAR LORD!
10-10:30 Nathan for You – This is the episode that was listed to air last week where Nathan helps a taxi driver take down Uber. Was it too controversial to air as originally scheduled? What are you hiding?
10-10:30 Better Things – Oh, this is good. “Sam is forced to look at some stuff.” Possibly the Google Image results for Shopkins.
I Love You, America – SERIES PREMIERE! Sarah Silverman hosts this new weekly topical series, which I assume will be amazing.
8-9 Hell’s Kitchen – The remaining chefs compete to complete a four-tiered shellfish tower. Because it there’s something you really want sitting out there for a while to create a visual effect, it’s shellfish.
8-9 Crazy Ex-Girlfriend – SEASON PREMIERE! Rebecca begins to plot her revenge as this show takes a big old zag. I was not fully on board with last season until it got super interesting right in the last minutes, so let’s keep that going!
9-10 Marvel’s Inhumans – The search for Black Bolt continues on this show that remains better than Iron Fist.
9-11:15 Halt and Catch Fire – SERIES FINALE! Cameron gets ready to say goodbye, Joe confronts an uncertain future, and Donna celebrates a milestone. I love this show, and I mostly watched it alone because my one friend who cares about it is overseas and watches out of sync with me. And so the end feels weirdly personal. Like it was just my thing that they were making for me. Thanks, show.
11:30-1 am Saturday Night Live – Kumail Nanjiani hosts! Oh, that’s cool. I like him a lot and it’s always good when actual comedians host. No awkward monologue gimmicks here!
7:30-8 Bob’s Burgers – Louise tries to solve the case when Mr. Frond’s therapy dolls are attacked. It seems to me like she’d be the number one suspect, right? That’s a very Louise thing to do.
8-8:30 The Simpsons – Homer learns that Maggie can whistle and Fat Tony hires Marge to decorate a brothel. Need I point out that I’m not making this up.
8:30-9 Ghosted – Hey, I like this show! This time, Leroy pursues romance and also a murderer. One of his two targets is probably a ghost or alien, right? Also, whoever named Adam Scott’s character “Max Jennifer” deserves a bonus.
9:30-10 The Last Man on Earth – Pamela tries to redeem herself as the gang reaches Mexico. Given my sister’s experience in Mexico, I have to assume that somehow native lizards survived the apocalypse and managed to completely overrun the place.
9-10 The Deuce – The police crack down on the Deuce at the end of the year, which gives me hope that this is going to be a Christmas episode. You know how I love Christmas episodes! Especially when they don’t air anywhere near Christmas.
10-10:35 Curb Your Enthusiasm – Larry turns to a writer for advice and whether it’s advice on the musical or on the fatwa, I don’t know. But I feel like we’re getting a guest appearance from either Lin-Manuel Miranda or Salman Rushdie.
10:35-11:05 Vice Principals – Russell has a birthday bash that’s ruined by a revelation about his wife’s college boyfriend. Oh, I can’t even imagine. I feel like even knowing she had a boyfriend would ruin things for him, right? Dude is weird.
9-11 Fear the Walking Dead – SEASON FINALE! Boy, they are really making some bold assumptions about how much of this show people want to watch in a single sitting.
11-12 am Talking Dead – Guests discuss the season finale. This week’s panel, I don’t know, probably some people from the show. I couldn’t think of a good joke this week.
“What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring really loudly at me.” — Leslie Knope
“When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.” — Larry David