Hi all!

There’s a lot of stuff to watch this week! I’ve been saying that a lot lately but I stand by my repeated statements. For the third time this year, Hulu has a documentary about one of my obsessions and Walking Dead returns for those of you who didn’t bail last season. Also, a bunch of other swell stuff. This is a half-hearted introduction and for that, I apologize.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

 

MONDAY

ABC

8-10 Dancing with the Stars – It’s Disney Night! Which, on an ABC show is kind of every night. Here’s how I know I’m getting old. I watched last week’s episode and enjoyed it, but for a hundred dollars I couldn’t tell you if I recapped it or not. I’m going to have to check to see which of us handled it last week, since Myndi and I switch off. This is an alarming turn of events.

CBS

8-9 Supergirl – A thief with psychic powers attacks the city and Samantha starts her new job at L-Corp. I’m old and would like it to remain LexCorp. Please take my demand into account.

FOX

9-10 The Gifted – Thunderbird teaches Blink how to control her powers, even though he has different, non-teleportation powers. Is this what mansplaining is?

 

TUESDAY

CW

8-9 The Flash – Barry faces a villain who can control technology. I mean, he probably just read the manual, right? Dude who knows how to upload his own ringtone is not much of a threat.

9-10 DC’s Legends of Tomorrow – The Legends travel to 1870 to fix an anachronism at P.T. Barnum’s circus. Oh, I want Ray to end up in a sideshow as the World’s Smallest Man.

NBC

9-10 This Is Us – Kevin suffers a setback on his movie and an unwelcome guest visits Jack and Rebecca where they least expect it… in the past! I’m turning this into a time travel show, too.

FOX

9:30-10 Brooklyn Nine-Nine – It’s the annual Halloween Heist and this time everybody gets to play along! Also, the title is “HalloVeen”, and it took me a second to get that, but it’s amazing.

NETFLIX

Patton Oswalt: Annihilation – This is Patton’s first special after the unexpected death of his wife, and he says this is a comedy show about the worst year of his life. It’s going to make me feel all sad but I can’t wait to watch it.

 

WEDNESDAY

CBS

8-9 Survivor – The listing says “Tribes drop their buffs and switch things up”. They make that sound much sexier than it actually is, right?

ABC

8-8:30 The Goldbergs – Beverly tries to reinvent herself and Erica seeks Adam’s help in balancing social and academic life. I think what we all really want to know is how she juggles work and family, right? And also whether she plays any pranks on the set.

9-9:30 Modern Family – The episode title mentions kickball and I feel like that was a trend a couple of years ago. Wasn’t there a hipster thing about kickball leagues? Or did I make that up? I don’t even know anymore.

FXX

10-10:30 You’re the Worst – Jimmy goes out of town for a convention and Gretchen throws a divorce party for Lindsay. I find I like this show better when Jimmy and Gretchen are separated, so I am not rooting for them to get back together. Like the Offspring said, gotta keep ’em separated. Man, that is not a very EJ reference. I apologize for what I’m doing here.

 

THURSDAY

FOX

8-9 GothamSofia appeals to Penguin’s vulnerable side, Bruce takes surprising action, and if social media is to be believed, the Riddler meets Solomon Grundy. Well, he already knows Butch, so he’s not really “meeting” him, but it’s just rad that a network show turned one of its regulars into Solomon Grundy.

ABC

8-8:30 It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown – Man, you know the deal. This Peanuts special is a dang classic.

NBC

8:30-9 The Good Place – Chidi and Eleanor tackle a famous ethical dilemma and I feel like I need to be smarter so I have some inkling of what that might be. Every time I think I have a famous ethical dilemma, it turns out I’m thinking of a paradox. Those are different things!

9:30-10 Great News – The show is nominated for an American Journalism Award which seems unlikely, but I’m willing to hear them out. And holy smokes, they could not have been more accidentally timely last week, right?

CW

9-10 Arrow – Man, I wish I hadn’t used the Comedy Bang! Bang! “juggling work and family” joke yesterday, because this episode is about Oliver learning to do that. I could go back and rewrite so it looks like I’m not out of ideas, but who am I kidding?

LIFETIME

9-10:30 Project Runway – It’s an unconventional challenge using safety materials. Like police tape and FEMA suits and stuff? Please put a beekeeper helmet on somebody, please!

COMEDY CENTRAL

10-10:30 Nathan for You – Nathan hones his storytelling skills. Ooh, I love those episodes where Nathan goes for self-improvement instead of helping a business. Though the ads all indicate that this episode is about asexual computer repair and either one sounds fantastic.

FX

10-10:30 Better Things – Sam demands satisfaction. Remember last week when the listing said she had to look at some stuff? Janky listings aside, this show is very good.

 

FRIDAY

FOX

8-9 Hell’s Kitchen – Shannon Tweed attends dinner service, which is a very big deal if you hit puberty in the 90s. See, Tweed starred in dozens of “erotic thrillers” that either went straight to video or one of the less reputable pay cable channels. My friend who maybe doesn’t want me to name him here (but it was Brian) and I rented so many of those movies during senior year of high school. There was a time when Shannon Tweed meant a lot to Teen EJ, and I hope things have been going well for her. Except for the part about being married to Gene Simmons, because there’s no way that’s a good experience.

CW

8-9 Crazy Ex-Girlfriend – Josh learns that becoming a priest is more difficult than he expected. Well, sure. You have to fight that giant spider first. It’s not easy.

ABC

9-10 Marvel’s Inhumans – Black Bolt and Medusa try to locate the rest of their family and it’s still better than Iron Fist.

 

SATURDAY

HULU

Too Funny to Fail – This new documentary is about one of my real-life obsessions – The Dana Carvey Show. This ABC show failed fast and hard, but the writing staff included Louis C.K., Robert Smigel, Steve Carell, Stephen Colbert, Robert Carlock, Charlie Kauffman, and others who went on to great success. In the last year, Hulu has made documentaries about Batman, James Bond, and now this. They’ve got me. What else am I even interested in?

 

SUNDAY

FOX

7:30-8 Bob’s Burgers – This show does fantastic holiday episodes, so I’m looking forward to tonight’s Halloween show. A medicated Bob believes that Teddy has been turned into a werewolf, and that sounds amazing.

8-8:30 The Simpsons – Treehouse of Horror! The big news this year is a Coraline parody in which Snowball II is voiced by author Neil Gaiman, but I’m a sucker for the Treehouse episodes in general.

8:30-9 Ghosted – A deadly amphibious creature escapes in the Bureau Underground office and Max and Leroy have 30 minutes to eliminate the threat. Real time threat! Also, how dangerous is an amphibious creature in an office environment? They’re probably really slow with their foot flippers and all.

9:30-10 The Last Man on Earth – Carol panics when Todd and Melissa leave for a honeymoon, while Erica and Gail decide to live on their own for a while. In their defense, I can see why that’s an appealing choice.

HBO

9-10 The Deuce – The pimps worry about becoming obsolete and Candy looks to change up her role on the set. Also a million other things happen. This is a busy show, guys.

10-10:30 Curb Your Enthusiasm – Larry’s therapist accuses him of overstepping. Which is probably accurate. Please note that his therapist is played by Bryan Cranston.

10:30-11 Vice Principals – A plot to sabotage a standardized test jeopardizes Russell’s job. More than usual, I mean. That dude is hanging on by a thread.

AMC

9-10 The Walking Dead – SEASON PREMIERE! Rick and his group band together to fight Negan and I have to assume that it’ll take half a season for that to actually happen. Especially if they let Negan start talking. We all love Jeffrey Dean Morgan, but I can go my whole life without another twenty-minute Negan monologue.

10-11 Talking Dead – Guests discuss the new episode. This week’s panel: Bobby Riggs, Billie Jean King, and my growing sense of regret at initiating this joke format and having to stick with it forever. (Panel subject to change because I just now made them up. Except that last one.)

 

“I’m kind gettin’ a bad headache and I don’t know if it’s this song or if it is the heavy magnets that were inserted into the base of my neck.” – Master Shake

“Don’t you get it? Everybody dies here. It’s just a rule. Death, taxes, more death. And I don’t pay taxes, so all I know is death.” — Ash

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