Hi all!

It’s kind of a weird TV week. Some days that are usually awash with programming (like Sunday) are dead zones. But there are some neat looking premieres, too. Also, there hasn’t been an episode of Last Week Tonight in forever and it’s starting to get on my nerves. How else am I to learn about the outside world? There’s no other way!

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

MONDAY

FOX

8-10 The Gifted – SEASON FINALE! Campbell takes the Hound program national, Polaris learns about her past and the mutants come under attack. All in all, I ended up liking this first season even if I can only remember half the characters from week to week.

 

TUESDAY

NBC

9-10 This Is Us – Kate shops for a wedding dress, Randall looks into William’s past, and in the past, everybody goes to the mall. Serious question: do kids go to the mall anymore? I genuinely don’t know what young people do and I feel like the mall has lost all relevance as a cultural center. But there’s a lot I don’t know.

CW

9-10 Black Lightning – SERIES PREMIERE! Because what a network with ten hours of original programming a week needs is a fifth hour devoted to superheroes. I actually like Black Lightning a lot (as does my sister – she has the weirdest array of favorite superheroes) and this could be pretty good. It looks a little grittier, but it also does that thing I don’t like where lightning is an all purpose power. Really? You’re using lightning to lift somebody? Oh, Jefferson.

 

WEDNESDAY

CBS

8-9 The Amazing Race – Contestants scale buildings and run through the streets of Tangiers. This whole episode is going to be the parkour sequence from Quantum of Solace.

FOX

8-9 The X-Files – Mulder and Scully investigate a series of deaths in which people are plagued by their own dopplegangers. Yay, weird stuff!

ABC

8-8:30 The Goldbergs – Adam nearly causes an injury to the woodshop teacher. Hey, that’s another thing my high school didn’t have. No woodshop, no model UN. It makes TV much less relatable.

9-9:30 Modern Family – Hayley tries to land an interview for a popular lifestyle website. Well, that’s not possible because we’re not bringing in anybody right now… oh. I’m being told that other websites exist. Well, poop.

FX

10-11:15 The Assassination of Gianni Versace – SEASON PREMIERE! This is actually the second season of American Crime Story but without anybody who made People vs. O.J. At first glance, I’m really not interested in this but the first season was so good that it’s maybe worth checking out anyway? Even though it’s Ryan Murphy? I don’t know anymore.

COMEDY CENTRAL

10-11 Corporate – SERIES PREMIERE! I’m not at all clear on the premise of this show outside “Hey, it’s a comedy about business”, but some good people are involved, including The Wire‘s Lance Reddick. That guy has really embraced weird comedy in the last couple of years.

SYFY

10-10:50 Happy! – Sax stumbles on a new plan to rescue his daughter and Happy meets another Imaginary Friend. I’m sure that will work out well for him!

HULU

The Path – SEASON PREMIERE! The new season of the cult drama premieres! And by “cult”, I mean it’s literally about a cult. It’s very good!

 

THURSDAY

NBC

8:30-9 The Good Place – Man, I don’t even know. Like, it looks like they’re just going to the Bad Place and there’s no turning back. How do they keep this going? Seriously, every week is like “Well, next week is going to be the finale”.

9:30-10 Great News – Carol’s new job doesn’t bring the responsibility she hoped and Katie tries to bring down Fenton Pelt, who is played by Jim Rash. I didn’t know that was going to happen and I was delighted when he showed up. Especially since “Pelt” is almost “Pelton”. Is the Dean in disguise?

BRAVO

10-11:15 Top Chef – This week is something called the Top Chef Olympics, and I just remembered that this year’s Winter Olympics are airing on Bravo’s parent company so they can actually use the word “Olympics”. No “Games” for them!

 

FRIDAY

FOX

8-9 Hell’s Kitchen – The chefs direct famous athletes to make their signature dishes using only verbal instructions. They usually do this challenge with family members, but I assume the show felt bad about all the divorces they caused.

ABC

9-10 Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – Coulson learns that an unexpected person from the past could prevent Earth’s destruction. I’m hoping it’s Young Phil Coulson. Come on, that would be rad.

NETFLIX

Grace and Frankie – Season Four of the show I haven’t watched yet hits today and you know Myndi is going to binge the crap out of it. Stay hydrated, Myndi!

 

SATURDAY

NBC

11:30-1 am Saturday Night Live – Jessica Chastain hosts! She is a very good actress! Also, she rarely does TV so I probably haven’t mentioned this here, but she is so attractive that it actually messes me up inside. Like, it doesn’t feel like she should be able to exist on this broken world of ours.

 

SUNDAY

STARZ

8-9 Counterpart – SERIES PREMIERE! J.K. Simmons stars in this espionage series that plays out over two alternate timelines. That’s pretty much all I need to know to confirm that this is my jam.

 

“You know, acting is like crime. But instead of using guns or clubs, I assault you with emotions.” — Kyle Bradway

 

“Your work is appreciated. Eat some corn.” — Ron Swanson

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