Hi all!

We’re in the light schedule time of the year. But it’s the holidays and maybe there are more important things. Like finally freeing up the time to really get into Red Dead Redemption 2.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

 

MONDAY

Man, there is not much going on tonight unless you like CBS sitcoms or feel like watching a Pentatonix special (“A Not So Silent Night”). The holidays are rough on those of us who need our constant flow of TV. I mean, I’m going to get some streaming stuff watched. It turns out The Patriot is really good and I haven’t finished Godless despite it being very much my thing. Hey, if there’s a streaming show I should watch, let me know. Maybe I’ll check it out this December!

 

Also, since we’ve clearly got some time to kill, the 12 Days of Christmas Episodes starts this week. 12 episodes. 12 different shows ranging from 1964 to 2018. All recapped, reviewed, and assessed for their level of Christmas cheer. I worked very hard. All for you.

 

TUESDAY

TBS

10:30-11 The Guest Book – Man, one show I can talk about in two days and there’s no information available. This is such a bad schedule.

 

I suppose I can take this opportunity to note that this week is the CW DC crossover between Flash, Arrow, and Supergirl so nerds who aren’t me are super geeked about this. I mean, I’d like to be, but those shows just don’t work for me so I’m going to watch more episodes of The Patriot.

 

WEDNESDAY

CBS

8-9 Survivor – I don’t mean to blow your minds, but the listing says that one castaway will be eliminated after an immunity challenge. There’s a late season shocker! Also, they should not call them “castaways”. People know where they are and also they chose to be there. They’re only castaways in the sense that you’re a castaway when you go on vacation.

ABC

8-8:30 The Goldbergs – Barry is excited that he finally gets to celebrate Christmas now that he’s engaged to Lainey. I was going to use one of the Yiddish words I know for a person who isn’t Jewish, but I’m not sure if it’s offensive if I use them.

9-9:30 Modern Family – Phi borrows the Christmas tree for a house showing. I feel like the difficulty inherent in moving a decorated Christmas tree from one house to another, or undecorating it and then redecorating it, would be prohibitive.

9:30-10 Single Family – Angie gets a Christmas gift from Owen and has to come up with a last minute gift. No kidding – like me, she didn’t even know there was an Owen on this show until right now.

 

THURSDAY

BRAVO

9-10:15 Top Chef – Gail Simmons is pregnant and demands that the chefs feed her cravings. Her dark, dark cravings.

 

Another light day! I haven’t found a good place to talk about this, so maybe I’ll do it here. Recently, a fetish account started following me on Twitter. There are some weird things about that. First it happened after they retweeted a bunch of my Better Call Saul-related Tweets, but it was weeks after the season finale. So this fetish account is really into Saul but they held off on the finale. Also, if you have an account specifically devoted to promoting weird sex stuff, your readers may not be on board for the additional prestige TV content. Finally, and this is part of why I’m keeping it vague, it is not a fetish that I have. Like not even in the “maybe one day” speculative sense. My reaction was “No thank you, sir”. No, I’m not going to give you any details because I would rather burn this website to the ground than let strangers know what I am and am not into.

 

FRIDAY

FOX

9-10 Hell’s Kitchen – The chefs have to prepare authentic Chinese dishes based on ingredients given to them by a fortune cookie. You know, the most authentic of Chinese foods.

NETFLIX

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina: A Midwinter’s Tale – It’s a holiday of an episode of the show that just came out and my friend Rachael says is really good.

Roma – After a limited theatrical run (for Oscar qualifying purposes), Alfonoso Cuaron’s new movie about class and family in 1970s Mexico City comes to Netflix. This is literally the best-reviewed movie of the year and it’s premiering on Netflix the same day as the new season of Fuller House. Decisions, decisions.

 

SATURDAY

NBC

11:30-1 am Saturday Night Live – Matt Damon hosts what I assume will be the Christmas episode. What’s he been up to? I feel like I haven’t seen him for a while. Everything cool, Matt?

 

SUNDAY

STARZ

9-10 Counterpart – No information available! This is the first Sunday in months that hasn’t been overloaded with TV. Now I’ve got one thing and there’s nothing to say. And the season premiere hasn’t aired as I write this, so I’m really up a creek here. Yes, I know, this has been a distinctly subpar schedule. SPOILEE WARNING – it ain’t getting better next week!

 

“I came up with hundreds of plans in my life and only one of them got me killed.” — Jason Mendoza

 

“I feel like Oscar the Grouch today. And not just ’cause I woke up in a garbage can this morning and startled somebody named Gordon.” — Tracy Jordan

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