Hi all!

We’re getting close to the new fall season. And while a lot of my favorite shows are in the middle of their seasons, Friday is going to be an absolutely bonkers day. Netflix is rolling out the fifth season of BoJack Horseman, the second season of American Vandal, and Norm Macdonald’s new talk show all at once. Even I can’t watch that many things in one day, but you know I’m shooting that sweet, sweet BoJack directly into my veins.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

MONDAY

NBC

8-10 American Ninja Warrior – SEASON FINALE! Well, given that we only finished Round One last week, I’m guessing nobody makes it to Round Four with one episode left. I’m very worried about their first “underwater obstacle” because, you know, you can’t breathe underwater. You think these lunatics are going to give up just because their lungs need air?

AMC

9-10 Better Call Saul – Jimmy daydreams about reconstructing Wexler-McGill and Mike puts a plan into motion for Gus. I have to keep these listings vague because I have friends who finally started watching this show but haven’t seen the current season yet. They also haven’t seen Breaking Bad, so there are so many ways I could slip up with a spoilee.

10-11 Lodge 49 – Hey, I’m enjoying this show. It might turn out to be nothing but nonsense without a point, but the implication that there’s something holding this together right now is enough for me.

 

TUESDAY

NBC

10-11 Brooklyn Nine-Nine Presents NBC Fall 2018 – So, the networks often do preview shows to introduce their new lineups. And they’re usually just the trailers I’ve already watched on YouTube, but the fact than NBC is making this B99 Presents…. makes me happy because they’re already doing more to promote the show than FOX ever did.

TBS

10-10:30 Wrecked – The Wreckedaways must face each other in a battle to the death. Man, this season has been a blast. They really broke away from the LOST tropes by going in this direction and it turns out it’s still super funny. I love this show. I want to write for this show. Somebody call TBS for me, OK?

FX

10-11:20 Mayans M.C. – The first episode was quite good, I thought. It’s the Sons of Anarchy vibe I’ve been missing. But it didn’t occur to me that since that show went off the air, FX relaxed their language restrictions and now Kurt Sutter can lob as many f-bombs as he wants.

 

WEDNESDAY

CBS

8-9 Big Brother – Veto competition! Not too many more of these left. I assume. It still feels like there are a lot of people in the house for how late in the season this is. I’m worried they won’t have them cleared out before they start shooting Celebrity Big Brother in December.

FOX

8-10 MasterChef – Two episodes whittle the top five down to a top three and there are a series of pressure tests involving beef. Not just one challenge where they prepare a beef dish. They’re all going to have to fight a cow, I bet.

FX

10-11 American Horror Story: Apocalypse – SEASON PREMIERE! This show isn’t really my thing, but I know some of you weirdos are into it. I’m kind of interested in the way it’s a crossover between Seasons One and Three, since the first season is the only one I watched all the way through, but I’m not going to try and catch up on six additional seasons. Nobody tell Connie Britton or Billy Eichner, OK?

FXX

10-10:30 It’s Always Sunny in PhiladelphiaGuys? The gang tries to increase productivity with an escape room. I have probably talked about this already, but I’m obsessed with escape rooms and this year, my friends got one for my birthday and it was so much fun. (And believe it or not, there was almost a TARDIS involved.) And if you remember by fascination with Escape the Room, the escape room TV show, you know that people freaking turn on each other with one of those. But my group worked together really well and nobody argued and we got down to the last puzzle (where I chose the wrong wire) and it was great to have fun and also find out that we don’t have a bunch of underlying tensions where we’re just waiting to turn on one another. This is still a schedule, right?

 

THURSDAY

CBS

8-9 Big Brother – Double Elimination! And we’re at the point where the dominant alliance has to turn on one another, and that is going to be fascinating. There is a small part of me that really wants Brett to win, even though he’s kind of a turd. He’s also funny and has mad CHA, and his social game is so offbeat that I would like to see it rewarded.

 

FRIDAY

NETFLIX

BoJack Horseman – Season Five of what might be my favorite show hits today, and as is tradition, I will come home from work and watch it for six hours straight. I’m keeping kind of clear of any info, but the trailer already made me cry so it’s going to be a rough night.

American Vandal – The fake documentary that was a million times better than I thought it would be is back, and this time our favorite pubescent filmmakers are trying to discover who gave the entire student body diarrhea. I’ve heard that where the first season is based on Serial and Making a Murderer, this is going to be based on The Jinx and Errol Morris’ work, so I am very excited about this even though it has to wait until after BoJack.

Norm Macdonald Has a Show – Yes, Norm has a talk show. A man who seems less interested in conversation than just about anybody will have to interview guests. The guy is still one of the best stand-ups in the business, and I’m looking forward to this. Ten episodes hit today, because Netflix can’t figure out how to keep a weekly show going.

The Land of Steady HabitsSomehow, Netflix picked up writer-director Nicole Holofcener’s new movie. It’s her first since 2013’s Enough Said. (She’s been directing good TV shows in the intervening time.) Her stuff is always worth checking out, even on this crazy Netflix release day.

AMAZON

Forever – Fred Armisen and Maya Rudolph play a bored suburban couple in this series created by Master of None‘s Alan Yang and 30 Rock‘s Matt Hubbard. That’s a pretty good pedigree right there.

 

SUNDAY

CBS

8:30-9:30 Big Brother – Nominations! It starts a half hour late because of football, which means it’ll probably start an hour late, so you’re going to want to add some time to your DVR.

AMC

9-19 Fear the Walking Dead – “Difficult decisions lead the group into uncertainty”. So, I’ve only started caring about this show this season, and after they did a bunch of episodes as a quasi-Western, now they’re really leaning into the inherent schlock of the zombie genre and you know what? It really works for me.

HBO

9-10 The Deuce – The listing for this is very long and the season premiere hasn’t aired as I write this, so none of these names mean anything to me. Yeah, there are a million characters and I forgot all their names during the hiatus. We’ve all got a lot of growing up to do.

ADULT SWIM

12-12:30 am The Venture Bros. – No information available, because they don’t post the official listing until after the previous episode airs. But this week’s faux Ludlum title is “The Unicorn in Captivity”. I’m willing to bet there’s at least one mind-blowing revelation sandwiched between funny jokes.

 

“I’m pretty but tough, like a diamond. Or beef jerky in a ball gown.” — Titus Andromedon

 

“Stop pissing off the orphans. A lot of them grew up to be serial killers.” — Princess Carolyn

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