I’m considering this the first schedule of summer, because I arbitrarily decided that the season finale of Hannibal was the end of the 2013/2014 season. I don’t need to justify myself! There’s going to be less to watch as we head into the summer, but luckily folks like FX, Comedy Central, and AMC have all sorts of new stuff coming out. There’s also some genuinely stupid stuff – check out ABC on Saturday for examples.
Guys? I saw X-Men: Days of Future Past, and it is great. Those movies have been really hit-or-miss, but I loved this one. It even incorporates some of my least favorite characters (Bishop and Quicksilver), and recovers from that. For the record, Bishop is really just there to shoot stuff so it’s fine. And Quicksilver, who I actively hate, is actually really cool in the movie. I will note that the movie threw out Quicksilver’s terrible costume and noxious Imperious McSadBoy personality and did something that made more sense for a guy with speed powers. Actually, they sort of made him more like DC’s Impulse (right down to the floppy hair and goggles), who is awesome. Anyway, my point is that Quicksilver has the best scene in the movie and that is something I never thought I’d say in my entire life.
I also saw Million Dollar Arm because Jon Hamm, and I liked it a lot. It’s an aggressively likeable movie. There aren’t really any surprises, but it hit me just right.
Here’s what to watch on TV this week!
8-11 AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR – Season Premiere! Man, I thought it was going to be a slow week for TV, but there are three hours of American Ninja Warrior! The first hour is just a preview show, but if you think I’m not going to watch it, you’re nuts.
8-9 MASTERCHEF – Season Premiere! My favorite cooking show returns! We start with tryout rounds, and I am giddy with anticipation.
9-10 24: LIVE ANOTHER DAY – An unlikely duo works to prevent an attack, Margot reveals her demands, the President locks down military airspace, and I remain surprised at just how much fun this show is.
10-11 LOUIE – Parts four and five of “Elevator”. Louie and Janet seek help in dealing with Jane, as Louie continues a relationship with Amia. I’m just fascinated with how this is playing out, but I don’t really have much to say. I think I’m feeling it more than I’m thinking about it? Which is not a comfortable position for me to be in.
8-10 AMERICA’S GOT TALENT – Season Premiere! I probably won’t be including this in the schedule every week, since I just spent like thirty weeks writing listings for a talent show that I don’t watch. But it’s here!
10-10:30 PLAYING HOUSE – Maggie is leery of Zach’s online girlfriend. Do you think Zach’s online girlfriend is actually Gilfoyle from Silicon Valley trolling him? That would be amazing.
10-11:10 FARGO – Malvo seeks answers while Molly and Gus try to get past a setback in the investigation. Well, at least we know Molly’s OK! Also, this week Key and Peele join the cast, and I’m frankly giddy about that prospect.
10:30-11 INSIDE AMY SCHUMER – Amy attends a wedding, a funeral, and an execution. This show has been really great this season, by the way. I wish I could come up with something more to say, but it’s a holiday weekend and get off my back.
8-10 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE – Season Premiere! Justin Bieber is involved with this episode somehow, possibly because of his mad skillz. Gonna be honest with you, tonight is a really bad TV night.
8-9 HELL’S KITCHEN – The teams are reorganized and then serve a meal to Angie Harmon. Risotto for Rizzoli! Unless Angie Harmon plays Isles. Look, I don’t know everything.
9-10 UNDATEABLE – Series Premiere! It’s a comedy about a dude who tries to teach other guys to be less unappealing. The promos are sort of funny, and Ron Funches is involved. Why would you not watch a show with America’s most huggable comedian?
10-11 LAST COMIC STANDING – I remain conflicted about how this show works, but I’ll probably keep watching it. I lack the ability to take a strong stand.
10:30-11 COMEDY BANG! BANG! – Fred Armisen appears and competes with Scott for a late night talk show hosting job. Also, Adam Pally appears but as the second guest, he’ll probably be in character. Based on the clips, he will not be his usual podcast character, “Bro”. CBB Curveball!
10-11 CROSSBONES – Series Premiere! Pirate drama! Starring John Malkovich! The only review I’ve read so far was hilariously negative, but this seems like just the kind of summer trashiness that I need in my life.
8-9 BET ON YOUR BABY – Season Premiere! Just reminding you that this exists. Parents wager on their toddler’s ability to perform tasks. Not only is this an actual TV show, but this is the second season. Do you feel yourself dying inside just a little?
9-11 SING YOUR FACE OFF – Series Premiere! In this series, celebrities perform as famous musicians. Like, I think Jon Lovitz does an Elton John song as Elton John. It sounds ridiculous, but the schedule is really short this week. Also, it’s hosted by Captain Jack from Doctor Who.
9-10 ORPHAN BLACK – No information available! Really, BBC? After all I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me? (Note: Other than watching their shows, I really haven’t done anything for the BBC.)
9-10 GAME OF THRONES – Unexpected visitors arrive in Mole’s Town, a location that has only been references once and has never been shown. Also, Ramsay tries to prove himself and the trial by combat commences. I am trying not to say much in the schedule because I have friends who don’t wish to be spoiled. That’s what the recaps are for!
10-10:30 SILICON VALLEY – Season Finale! Gavin Belson makes an impressive presentation which inspires Richard to make last-minute changes. Last minute changes to a complex program can’t possibly go amiss! Also, this show is great. It’s got the EJ seal of approval.
10:30-11 VEEP – Selina prepares for a debate and Dan has a new outlook on life. This season has fallen a little flat for me in terms of the overall plotting, but I still love the characters and the jokes are landing consistently.
10-11 HALT AND CATCH FIRE – Series Premiere! This awkwardly-titled drama focuses on the home computing boom in the 1980s. It looks quite good, but not everybody is as excited for a period piece about tech geeks as I am. I’ll never understand you people.
“Whenever I’m really unsure about an idea? First, I abuse the people whose help I need. And then I take a nap.” — Don Draper
“I don’t suppose we’ll know if we actually
succeeded But, at worst, we failed doing the right thing as opposed to succeeding in doing the wrong.” — The Doctor