Hi all!

Merry Christmas, folks!  Now, I know you’ve got hills down which to sled, eggs to nog, and presents to unwrap, but we have the matter of the TV schedule to address.  Well, sort of.  There’s not much on TV this week.  Because of Christmas.  Frankly, other than the Doctor Who Christmas episode, TV is taking the week off. 

Since I know this schedule has at least one faithful reader, I don’t want to shortchange you.  So, for each day of the week, I’m presenting a Top 10 list on a variety of topics.  That’ll be fun for everybody, right?

And to help you get into the holiday spirit, check out my visit to the Secret Lover podcast’s Holiday Episode Episode.  Not only do we talk about holiday episodes, but we also get into crotch punching and the Gossip Girl finale.  It’s on iTunes, or you can get it right here and prepare to hear people who love King of the Hill.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

MONDAY

It’s Christmas Eve!  You can watch It’s a Wonderful Life on NBC, or a Raising Hope marathon on FOX.  Most important, tonight (if tradition holds) the annual Venture Bros. Christmas song will go up on A Site Called Fred.  These are always great.  My prediction is that this year the performers will be either Pete White and Billy Quizboy or Hunter Gathers and Shore Leave.  But that’s your TV lineup. Hopefully you have plans!

 

TOP 10 BATMAN VILLAINS.

  1. Joker
  2. Doctor Hurt
  3. The Riddler
  4. Two-Face
  5. Ra’s al Ghul
  6. Bane
  7. Poison Ivy
  8. Scarecrow
  9. Penguin
  10. Deadshot

 

TUESDAY

Merry Christmas!  Presumably, you’ll either be with your loved ones or watching Django Unchained, possibly with your loved ones.  But here are some things to watch!

ABC

8-8:30 HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS – Not the first time it’s been on this year, but I just heard Paul F. Tompkins talk about how the title shouldn’t be “How”.  It’s not as if the point is his methodology.  Please be advised that the animated version is immediately followed by the godawful live action version.  So get ready to change the channel fast.

FOX

8-10 NEW GIRL – Four episodes, including two Christmas episodes!  I got no beef with that, you know?

BBC AMERICA

9-10:20 DOCTOR WHO – It’s the annual Christmas special, introducing the Doctor’s new companion and setting up the back half of the upcoming season.  Also, evil snowmen.  If I told you how excited I am for this episode, you wouldn’t believe me.  The real question is, can the new companion win me over despite the immediate handicap of not being Amy Pond?  Your move, new kid!

 

TOP 10 VIDEO GAMES OF THE MODERN ERA

  1. Batman: Arkham City
  2. Grand Theft Auto IV
  3. Mass Effect 2
  4. Saints Row: The Third
  5. Assassins’ Creed 2
  6. Red Dead Redemption
  7. Portal 2
  8. Batman:  Arkham Asylum
  9. Mass Effect 3
  10. Bully

 

WEDNESDAY

BRAVO

10-11 TOP CHEF:SEATTLE– The chefs harvest oysters for Emeril Lagasse.  Sadly, not for Elzar.  Also, they cook for a Seattle sports team, which seems really vague.  Just tell us which team!  Or even which sport!  Actually, tell us which team.  I can not match Seattle teams up to the sports that they play.

 

TOP 10 NON-PREMIUM CABLE CHANNELS

  1. FX
  2. Comedy Central
  3. AMC
  4. Cartoon Network
  5. BBC America
  6. IFC
  7. Discovery
  8. USA
  9. The History Channel
  10. A&E

 

THURSDAY

ABC

8-9 HAPPY NEW YEAR, CHARLIE BROWN – One of the few specials where Snoopy speaks.  Or rather, thinks out loud.  Also, I’ve long been bothered by the plothole – Charlie Brown can’t come to the party because he has to read War and Peace for class, but none of the other kids (who, aside from Peppermint Patty and Marcie, all go to his school) seem to have that same assignment.

LIFETIME

9-10 PROJECT RUNWAY ALL-STARS – The designers must meet a retail budget to create their look.  A designer I’ve never heard of before is the guest judge and mentor.  But let’s be honest – the only designers I know are the ones from this show.

 

TOP 10 PODCASTS THAT ARE NOT SECRET LOVER

  1. Comedy Bang! Bang!
  2. War RocketAjax
  3. The Pod F. Tompkast
  4. How Did This Get Made?
  5. This American Life
  6. Thrilling Adventure Hour
  7. House to Astonish
  8. Superego
  9. Nerd Poker
  10. Decompressed

 

FRIDAY

IFC

10-10:30 WHISKER WARS – It’s the German International Championships, and the American team is looking to make their mark on the competition.  This episode has the fantastic title of “The Passion of Jack Passion”, by the way.  How they’ve held off on that title for this long, I’ll never know.

 

TOP 10 SUPERHERO COMICS OF 2012

  1. Batman, Incorporated.
  2. Batman
  3. Hawkeye
  4. OMAC
  5. Action Comics
  6. Daredevil
  7. Mud Man
  8. Iron Man
  9. Captain America
  10. Wolverine and the X-Men

 

SATURDAY

Oh, who are we kidding?  There’s rarely anything to watch on a normal week.  So this week, CBS and FOX burn off unaired episodes of Made in Jersey and The Mob Doctor, respectively.

 

TOP 10 BRUCE CAMPBELL CHARACTERS

  1. Ash (Evil Dead)
  2. Sebastian  Haff (Bubba Ho-Tep)
  3. Brisco County, Jr.  (The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr.)
  4. Sam Axe (Burn Notice)
  5. Bruce Campbell (My Name is Bruce, Real Life)
  6. William Cole (The Man with the Screaming Brain)
  7. Ring Announcer / Usher / Maitre d (Spider-Man trilogy)
  8. Jack Stiles (Jack of All Trades)
  9. Renaldo the Heel (Crimewave)
  10. Chicken Bittle (Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters)

 

SUNDAY

Seriously?  Nothing on what is usually one of the busiest viewing nights of the week?  This is not going to be easy for me to accept.

TOP 10 LISTS I WOULD HAVE DONE IF THERE WERE MORE DAYS IN THE WEEK

  1. Top 10 Doctor Who Episodes
  2. Top 10 HBO Series
  3. Top 10 Avengers Members
  4. Top 10 Venture Bros. Characters
  5. Top 10 H. Jon Benjamin Roles
  6. Top 10 Batman Writers
  7. Top 10 Elmore Leonard Books
  8. Top 10 LOST Characters
  9. Top 10 Justice League Members
  10. Top 10 DVDs I’m Mildly Embarrassed To Own

“A journey through Winter Wonderland tends to test your commitment to Christmas.  And when I say ‘test’, I mean Wonka-style.  I’m talking dark.  My advice – stay honest, stay alert, and for the love of God, stay between the gumdrops.” – Abed Nadir

“Cotton is so easy to shop for.  Either he likes what I get him, and he’s happy; or he hates it, and he shoots it, and he’s happy.” – Didi Hill

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