Hi all!

Well, I’m snowed in on Super Bowl Sunday, which means I’m watching football alone. That just feels weird because I rarely watch football anyway, and now I’m not even getting the fun social aspect. It feels creepy. Also, if I’m not in a room with people, there’s an excellent chance that I’ll just stop watching the game to play some Saints Row IV.

This week, there’s a lot to watch. Most notably, it’s the premiere of Better Call Saul which airs on Sunday before moving to its usual Monday airings. There’s also the return of Walking Dead, which seems like it was on just a couple of weeks ago. I think AMC is moving over to an all-Walking Dead schedule.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week! 

MONDAY

NBC

8-10 CELEBRITY APPRENTICE – This week, the teams create a hashtag campaign and a thirty-second jingle. Also, “Trump makes a shocking decision”. What could he do to shock us? Compliment a woman without mentioning her looks? Not be inadvertently racist? What could it be?

FOX

8-9 GOTHAM – Maroni decides to test Penguin’s loyalty, but I think the horse is kind of out of the barn on that one. Also, a killer targets people with severe phobias. Given that the episode is titled “The Fearsome Dr. Crane”, it looks like we’re going to get Scarecrow. I’m pretty excited about that, but as ever, I have my misgvings about him being twenty years older than Batman but I’ll hear them out.

 

TUESDAY

It’s my Grandpa’s 90th birthday today!

NBC

8-8:30 PARKS AND RECREATION – Only one episode tonight. Well, there are two, but one is a repeat. I can’t even figure out what NBC is doing. Point is, it’s Donna and Joe’s wedding. Also, political mastermind Jen Barkley shows up at Ben and Leslie’s home with an opportunity. Man, they’re bringing back everybody this season!

9-9:30 MARRY ME – Annie and Jake get drunk and deface a sign which gets them involved in a hate-crime investigation. Hee! I like this plot

9:30-10 ABOUT A BOY – Will starts teaching guitar lessons, Marcus performs at a fundraiser, and the popular moms accept Fiona. None of this explains the episode title “About a Prostitute”.

FOX

8-9 MASTERCHEF JUNIOR – The kids make banana dishes and then Gordon Ramsay’s daughter presents the elimination challenge. I imagine Gordon’s daughter looking exactly like him. Like, his face on a little girl body.

9-9:30 NEW GIRL – Schmidt and Nick pitch a suit made out sweatshirt material to the lady from Shark Tank. I would absolutely buy that suit. Though I guess I’d prefer to just wear a sweatshirt and eliminate the middleman.

9:30-10 THE MINDY PROJECT – Mindy has the chance to open her own practice in California, and I believe this is Adam Pally’s last episode. Get that guy on another show soon, because he is a delight!

ABC 9-10 AGENT CARTER – Peggy is finally trusted with an official mission, and she brings in the Howling Commandos. Man, this show is just committed to bringing in everything I want to see. And remember, Hayley Atwell is supposed to make appearances in both the Avengers sequel and Ant-Man, so they could be laying some serious groundwork.

FX

10-11 JUSTIFIED – Raylan follows a trail of illegal explosives and Boyd runs afoul of a dangerous new playing in town. Boyd Crowder vs. Sea Bass and Choo Choo? We can only hope!

COMEDY CENTRAL

10:30-11 KROLL SHOW – This episode features Karaoke Bullies, and I wish I could say I haven’t encountered that in my own life. Sadly, I totally have.

TBS

10:30-11 COUGAR TOWN – Jules lends Travis money to start a new business and Grayson fills in as a music teacher. There is nothing I find less believable in all of television than characters who can borrow money from their parents. What kind of world are they living in?

 

WEDNESDAY

FOX

8-9 AMERICAN IDOL – Hollywood Week, round 1! “Right, I get it. It’s just that I’m actually here on my lunch break and I don’t want anybody to know I’m here. That’s not your problem. I’m sorry, I’m sure you’ve got your own stuff.”

9-10 EMPIRE – Cookie receives an anonymous gift that may be a veiled threat. Along those lines, I got a text message that said “I’m pregnant” from a number I didn’t recognize. It was a misdial, but it led to a weird few minutes.

ABC

8:30-9 FRESH OFF THE BOAT – Series Premiere! This looks pretty good, but I’m worried that it’s another in ABC’s series of good comedies with terrible names. But the guy who played Kim Jong Un in The Interview is the star and he’s hilarious. There’s another episode at 9:30, by the way.

9-9:30 MODERN FAMILY – Andy becomes Phil’s new right-hand man, Joe may be allergic to Stella, and Mitchell does freelance work for Jay. You know, I wish they’d shot a whole bunch of extra episode when the kids were young, so we didn’t have to deal with puberty Luke and Manny. Mean? Yes. But they can buy and sell me, so they’ll be OK.

10-11 NASHVILLE – Avery and Juliette adjust to married life, Deacon gets bad news, and Sadie buys a gun. That’s a weird bit to throw in there at the end. I bet it goes off in the third act!

BRAVO

9-10 TOP CHEF – The chefs go to a farm and then make chocolate dishes. I’m not sure how those two things are related, unless they go to a chocolate farm.

FX

10-11 THE AMERICANS – Elizabeth and Philip struggle to reconcile their ideologies and Stan welcomes a Soviet defector to America. I haven’t watched the season premiere yet, so I have no additional thoughts. These Celebrity Apprentice recaps are ruining everything!

FXX

10-10:30 IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA – A surprise health inspection jeopardizes a project and Charlie tries to save the day. If there’s one guy who’s good with the hygiene-based projects, it’s Charlie!

 

THURSDAY

FOX

8-9 AMERICAN IDOL – Hollywood Round 2! Shortly after he finished talking, he heard a quick tone. The receptionist nodded and gestured to Kevin. “Nibbles will see you now.” She pointed down the hallway. “Third door. It’s the one with the hay bale outside. Kevin thanked her and straightened his tie.

NBC 10-11 ALLEGIANCE – Series Premiere! It’s a show about undercover Russian spies in the U.S. But in no way does it resemble The Americans. Nope. Where would you get that crazy idea?

FX

10-10:30 ARCHER – Everybody gets to work early so they can spend some quality time together. That does not sound like a listing for Archer, but those guys have my complete confidence. I trust them as much as I would trust my spouse if I had one and also if she was really trustworthy.

 

FRIDAY

IFC

11-11:30 COMEDY BANG! BANG! – This week’s guest is Simon Helberg, who is not an android. Also, a drill sergeant whips Scott and Reggie into shape for a dangerous mission. Also, Matt Jones from Breaking Bad appears as an author. Badger!

ADULT SWIM

12-12:15 am NEWSREADERS – No information available, but the title indicates we’ll go behind the scenes of Newsreaders. That’s usually what they do for Childrens Hospital season finales, so that might be the case here, but I can’t confirm. So many questions!

 

SUNDAY

FOX

8-8:30 THE SIMPSONS – Lisa writes a new anthem for Springfield and Homer discovers “wide pride”. I have never heard that phrase before, but it tickles me.

8:30-9 BROOKLYN NINE-NINE – The squad gets invited to a terrorist-training simulation and Gina gives Holt a psychological exam. I sort of feel like that last one should be flipped. The results would be terrifying.

9:30-10 BOB’S BURGERS – Tina and Darryl team up to win a Valentine’s Day contest. Oh, awesome! Darryl is one of my favorite side characters. Yeah, I like the nerd who plays video games. Try to contain your shock,

CBS

8-11:30 THE GRAMMY AWARDS – As Jebidiah Atkinson put it, it’s “a tribute to the Spotify playlist of a 12-year-old girl.”

AMC

9-10 THE WALKING DEAD – Mid-season Premiere! A slight detour may offer the solution that the group has been seeking. I’m willing to bet that it doesn’t, or else it’ll be a short season.

10-11:15 BETTER CALL SAUL – Series Premiere! Could this be the most anticipated series of 2015? I talked to a guy who didn’t realize this was a prequel and couldn’t figure out why Mike was in the cast, which is kind of hilarious. The important thing is that in the Year of Our Lord 2015, Bob Odenkirk is the lead in a major cable drama and nobody could have seen that one coming.

11:15-12:15 am TALKING DEAD – Season Premiere! Chris Hardwick and guests talk about the show. For the record, the following non-Walking Dead people are the best at being on this show and I hope they come back. 1. Yvette Nicole Brown; 2. Keegan-Michael Key; 3. Gillian Jacobs

 

“If you’re committed enough, you can make any story work. I once told a woman I was Kevin Costner and it worked because I believed it.” — Saul Goodman

 

“It appears the yard wolves have grown up. Are we finally finished with this cold dead winter?” — Skwisgaar Skwigelf

 

 

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