Hi all!

It’s a light week this time out, which is good because I’m writing this schedule on my birthday and not spending all day on it is my present to myself. We get the season premiere of Humans and the 100th episode of Archer, and that’s very good. But you’re going to find yourself with some free time.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

 

MONDAY

FOX

8-9 So You Think You Can Dance – SEASON PREMIERE! The show I always forget exists returns for another season.

AMC

9-11 Dietland – SERIES PREMIERE! This has been described as a feminist revenge fantasy and based on everything I’ve seed about it, the title seems unconnected to the subject matter. It looks good, though!

 

TUESDAY

AMC

10-11 Humans – SEASON PREMIERE! One of my favorite shows comes back and it’s one year after the Synths gained consciousness. Am I going to be watching two different shows about sentient robots? Yes, yes I am. I’m also recapping two shows that have a character who can’t distinguish past from present. I’m so very tired.

FX

10-11:10 Legion – “Reunion, ruination, and rage.” They’re just listing nouns now. By the end of the season, the episode listing will be only a smell.

 

WEDNESDAY

NBC

8-10 American Ninja Warrior – It’s the Los Angeles Qualifiers! Man, there are not many shows on this week and the ones that are don’t have very long descriptions. We’re going to have you out of here in no time.

FOX

8-10 MasterChef – They’re still giving out aprons. I don’t know how I feel about the gimmick this season where the judges are putting together Voice-style teams. Let’s see how it plays out, I guess. But it seems weird because on the Voice, which I only watched when they guy who looked like Brian Posehn was a finalist, the judges have to make cuts from their own team and there’s an audience vote. MasterChef‘s elimination process doesn’t work that way. Also, this week the chefs have to cook a dish featuring an ingredient unique to their home state. I’m from Michigan, so I guess I would have to use petoskey.

FXX

10-10:30 Archer: Danger Island100th Episode! Archer helps defend a village from party crashers intent on ruining their oysterfest. Man, 100 episodes. I always feel like I’ve achieved something when a show hits 100 and I’ve seen them all. I share in their glory!

AUDIENCE

10-11 Condor – SERIES PREMIERE! Hey, this is exclusive to my fellow DirecTV subscribers. It’s a miniseries updating Three Days of the Condor and it looks pretty good. It’s got a really good a cast, including the great Mira Sorvino. I’m going to check it out!

 

THURSDAY

FREEFORM

8-10 Marvel’s Cloak and Dagger – SERIES PREMIERE! It’s a new Marvel series aimed at teens starring the original anti-drug superheroes, Cloak and Dagger. I assume they’ve been updated from being the most Eighties characters ever, but I have never for one second cared about them in the slightest. And given how flat Runaways fell for me, I am probably just not into Marvel’s teen series. But it’s the only thing that warrants listing tonight.

 

FRIDAY

DISCOVERY

8-9 BattleBots – Among this weeks are Minotaur vs. Ice Wave, and I’m a total Minotaur fan. I have strong opinions on most of the robots because this is what I watch instead of sports.

 

SUNDAY

AMC

9-10 Fear the Walking Dead – Morgan tries to do the right thing, even though he already did by leaving behind those sourpusses on his old show.

10-11 Into the BadlandsSunny works with the River King and the Widow faces mutiny. The names on this show remain ridiculous.

11-12 am Talking Dead – A panel of guests discusses the new episode. This week’s panel: John Hodgman, Killer Croc, and McLovin.

HBO

9-10 Westworld – No information available! Of course not. Why can’t you let me have this?

10-11 Succession – Is this show good? Will I keep watching it? What’s it actually about? I have not seen the premiere yet so I don’t have any answers to these questions.

 

“When I die, I’m going to do what Princess Diana did and have the entire world mourn me and leave teddy bears outside my palace.” — Jacqueline White

 

“As usual, your detective skills are impeccable. You have succeeded in exposing my sinister plan to lock myself in a dungeon, chained to an albino.” — Baron Underbheit

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