Hi all!

It’s a bit of a lighter week this time around. There’s basketball happening, which affects CBS’ schedule, and the entire CW is in repeats. However, we get the season premiere of The Americans and I couldn’t ask for anything more.

And since we lost an hour this week, let’s just get straight to the schedule!

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

MONDAY

FOX

8-9 GothamBruce goes out in search of Matches Malone and Gordon goes to Nygma with Kristen’s whereabouts. Also, Hugo Strange keeps working to reduce Penguin’s aggression. You know, I feel like this might be the first time Penguin has been shown in Arkham Asylum. They usually send that guy to Blackgate Prison. This is something I should research.

NBC

8-10 The Voice – The blind auditions end and the battle rounds begin. We’re entering the “boxing metaphor” phase of the season.

CBS

8-9 Supergirl – It’s the legally-required “Red Kryptonite” episode of any Superman-adjacent show. Also, Cat goes on The Talk for some network synergy. How very Jack Donaghy of her.

AMC

10-11 Better Call Saul – Jimmy chafes under his restrictive work environment with its oversight and ethical guidelines and all. Meanwhile, Kim goes to extremes to remedy her situation at HHM. Kim is breaking my heart, because all she has to do to fix her life is break up with Jimmy. And since we’ve already seen Jimmy’s future and she’s not in it, we know that’s where it’s headed anyway. It’s just a question of whether it happens before or after her life is ruined.

 

TUESDAY

FOX

8-8:30 New Girl – Jess has to finish the school budget at the last minute and Winston gets a new partner. Can it be a dog? If this show had scenes of Winston fighting crime alongside a dog, I’d be so happy.

9-9:30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Terry solicits Jake’s help to solve a case from the past. More importantly, Charles and Jason Mantzoukas move in together. Is it possible for a subplot to sweep the Emmys? I guess we’ll find out this summer!

9:30-10 The Grinder – Dean attempts to discover who ransacked the office in an episode where we also get the secret origin of Dean Sanderson. I hope Rob Lowe still plays him as a child.

ABC

8-8:30 Fresh Off the Boat – Louis has to stay home while Jessica manages the restaurant. I assume most of the episode is Jessica yelling at Paul Scheer.

9-10 Agents of SHIELD – The team discovers a traitor and Malick may have an inside man at the Inhuman symposium. Just look for the guy with an obviously fake mustache who loudly says things like “Inhumans are way better than mutants. They’re totally the new X-Men!” (That’s more about Marvel comics than the SHIELD show, but I stand by it.)

NBC

8-10 The Voice – The battle rounds continue! There are mentors! One of them is Sean “Diddy” Combs, and I had forgotten that he was a thing. Remember when he was everywhere? I thought Kanye maybe defeated him in a Highlander-style battle and absorbed his power.

10-11 Crowded – SERIES PREMIERE! Hey, it’s a comedy on NBC. They still make them, apparently. It’s about adults moving back in with their parents and it stars Patrick Warburton. The ads are not very funny, and deep down, I blame the existence of this show for the fact that Warburton will not be starring in Amazon’s Tick revival. Although that could also be because he’s fifty and doesn’t want to go back to wearing a costume that nearly killed him sixteen years ago.

 

WEDNESDAY

CBS

8-9 Survivor – Tribe switch! And that means that we don’t have to hear about “Brains vs. Brawn vs. Beauty” anymore. I love you, Survivor, but I hate that nonsense. You did it once and it was dumb, why do it again? How about just put people in tribes and let things happen?

ABC

8:30-9 The Goldbergs – Adam gets involved in the shady world of mail-order music clubs. And in this case, it’s still cassette tapes. I didn’t get suckered until the CD era!

9-9:30 Modern Family – There are about a million plots in the listing, but I’m focused on “Jay makes a web show”. What are the odds that he’s doing ASMR videos?

9:30-10 Blackish – Diane makes a documentary about Jack’s basketball career. I feel like Hoop Dreams jokes are long past their sell-by date, but I would appreciate them at least.

ABC

10-11 NashvilleMIDSEASON PREMIERE! I have completely lost track of this show, but I love whenever they talk about it on Never Not Funny. That’s right, podcasts help me keep up on the shows that I don’t watch. I’m basically Ozymandias. (From Watchmen, not the poem.)

FOX

9-10 Hell’s Kitchen – This is the episode that’s billed as the biggest fight in the history of the show. Not gonna lie, I’m pretty excited about that.

FX

10-11:15 The Americans – SEASON PREMIERE! Finally! When last we saw the Jennings, their daughter had ratted them out, so it seems like that’s a fairly major thing to deal with. Plus, there’s all the usual spying to do. This show is so good, and I’m ready to be obsessed all over again.

SUNDANCE

10-11 Hap and Leonard – Hap and Leonard revisit their pasts as loyalties are tested. That sounds really generic, but this show is flat-out bonkers, I promise.

TV LAND

10:30-11 Teachers – SEASON FINALE! The teachers survive another school year. Man, do they ever set the bar low.

 

THURSDAY

FOX

8-10 American Idol – The top five perform for Jennifer (Love Hewitt), Keith (Sweat), and Harry (Bosch).

BRAVO

9-10 Top Chef – SEASON FINALE! The final two chefs face off for an all-star panel of judges, wrapping up what has been a really entertaining season.

FX

10-10:30 Baskets – Chip meets Penelope after following a turtle around Paris. I assume this is a flashback episode, but it’s entirely possible that he could be making a return visit and using a turtle as a spirit animal, much like Homer Simpson and Matt Parkman before him.

 

FRIDAY

ADULT SWIM

11-11:15 Childrens HospitalChief hides a horse at work, probably for the excuse to title an episode “Childrens Horsepital”.

NETFLIX

Daredevil – Season Two hits today! The first season was great, and this one boasts the additions of Elektra and the Punisher. I’m not getting anything done this weekend!

Pee-wee’s Big HolidayYes, it’s a new Pee-wee Herman movie written by Pauls Reuben and Rust and directed by Wonder Showzen‘s John Lee. There’s no way this won’t be a delightt!

 

SUNDAY

FOX

8-10 The Passion – Guys? This is a musical version of the story of Christ’s betrayal, death, and resurrection starring Trisha Yearwood and narrated by Tyler Perry. There’s no chance I’m going to watch this, but I’m in awe of the fact that it exists. Oh, also? It’s Live!

AMC

9-10 The Walking Dead – Hey, there’s actually a listing this time. Two separate groups leave Alexandria on supply runs and both face immediate danger. I’m really struggling with this show’s apparent view of morality, and I’ll get more into it if the season plays out the way I think it will.

10-11 Talking Dead – A panel discusses the most recent episode. This week’s panel: Paul McGann, Bright Eyes, and Faith Ford. (Panel subject to change because I just now made them up.)

HBO

10:30-11 Togetherness – Alex bristles at an unstable new director. There’s very little chance that it’s going to be Tommy Wiseau, but I can dream.

ADULT SWIM

12-12:30 am The Venture Bros. – SEASON FINALE! OSI and the Guild join forces to eliminate a threat, using Dr. Venture as bait. Oh, the Blue Morpho is in for it now. I mentioned this in the recap, but I’m a little worried that the Monarch isn’t going to survive this.

 

“Dirt’s gonna be my pillow tonight.” — Phil Miller

 

“I was faced with a major problem. To review shooting an apple off my son’s head with an arrow, I would have to shoot an apple off my son’s head with an arrow.” — Forrest MacNeil

 

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