Hey, it’s a big TV week. Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Last Man on Earth are back, and everything is right with the world. Well, I mean, it’s kind of a tire fire out there, but a lot of shows I like are airing new episodes this week. And that’s what really matters. For me, at least. Your priorities may be different.
Here’s what to watch on TV this week!
8-10 American Idol – The second night of auditions. So, I don’t think I’m going to keep listing this every week. Between the allegations against Seacrest and my own lack of interest in the show, I’m not super comfortable trying to come up with something to say twice a week. And it’s possible that I am literally the only person who cares about whether or not I put it on the schedule, so let’s move on.
10-11 Good Girls – Man, I am really enjoying this show. This time, the women have to take a shop smuggling contraband to Rio and it seems like they’ll definitely be good and that and not mess it up like everything else they’ve done so far.
9-9:55 The Alienist – Kreizler and Moore travel to Washington DC while Sara goes rogue. Note the 55-minute runtime on this one. I wonder if they’re doing the Happy! thing where they advertise “limited commercial interruptions” but then don’t have any extra content.
10-11 UnREAL – Serena gets upset about a patriarchal group date and Rachel opens up to Dr. Simon. Still not convinced they’re back on their game – there have been nice moments, but there are plenty of eyerollers along the way.
10-11:15 McMafia – I still haven’t watched this but I continue to list it just in case it turns out to be awesome and I want to be on the right side of history.
10:30-11 Final Space – There’s a combat arena called the Deathcropolis, and I don’t need to know anything more than that. You’ve got me!
9-10 This Is Us – SEASON FINALE! No information available! Oh, NBC is getting cocky now. I mean, the title is “The Wedding”, so you can kinda figure it out.
10-11 Rise – SERIES PREMIERE! Josh Radnor stars in this series that’s based on a true story that also sort of sounds like Fame by way of Welcome Back, Kotter. Also, they changed the sexuality of the lead from that of the actual person on whom he’s based, so there’s that.
9-9:30 LA to Vegas – Dylan McDermott is really funny on this show. Also, I learned this week that it’s Larry’s son’s favorite show. And it seems a little old for him, but at his age I was watching Night Court and Golden Girls, which were pretty raunchy for the time, and I turned out… uh, never mind.
10-11 For the People – SERIES PREMIERE! Shonda Rhimes has a new show and it’s about young lawyers. I’m not sure if there’s a hook to it beyond that, and ABC seems to be burying it in their death slot, but we’ll see how it goes.
10-10:30 Baskets – “Chip sees a homeless person in a library”. I’m more surprised that Chip is in a library. Also, it’s been a couple of weeks and I can’t stop thinking about Christine and the French cloons.
10-11 Another Period – Two episodes! Beatrice tries to get her face on the nickel and Lillian ends up in an asylum. And this is an old-timey asylum, so you know that’s bad news.
10:30-11 The Detour – Nate tries to get the family away from the vengeful arm of the Post Office. This is the weirdest show.
Terrace House: Opening New Doors – Hey, it’s a new season of the Japanese reality show that I’ve come to love. It’s so positive and soothing.
8-9 The X-Files – Mulder and Scully investigate organ theft and I’m surprised they’re going there again because we all remember the second movie. Or you’ve learned to let go of disappointment and you don’t remember the second movie. Maybe it’s just my cross to bear.
8-9 Survivor – Two castaways try to shake things up. Great listing, CBS. Really sell what distinguishes this episode.
10-11 Hap and Leonard: Two-Bear Mambo – Hap and Leonard learn that the people of Grovetown are dangerous. I figured the racial slur carved into their car door would have tipped them off, but those guys have a higher standard for “dangerous” than I do.
8-9 Gotham – Ivy picks her next target, Riddler visits Arkham, and Bruce tries to make amends with Alfred. This will all be one thousand times crazier than it sounds. And I think I’ve mentioned this before, but it seems to me like this show is the first time we’ve ever seen Penguin in Arkham Asylum. The comics always make this distinction where he’s not criminally insane, so he always went to Blackgate Prison. I think he might have appeared in Arkham one or twice on The Animated Series, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m wrong on that.
8:30-9 A.P. Bio – Jack is attracted to a student’s mother and luckily he’s a professional and will handle that appropriately. Also, I love that he wears that same sweater coat to class every day. There’s probably a name for what that piece of clothing is, but I am neither Tim Gunn nor Jesse Thorn so I don’t have that information.
10-10:30 Atlanta – Earn starts making money but still looks broke. Ah, those vague FX listings. Also, I’m wearing a nine dollar sweatshirt as I write this, so I know a thing or two about looking broke.
8-9 MasterChef – The kids make chicken and waffles, which I only recently learned is a delightful combination.
9-10 Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – The team searches for Gravitonium to save the world and man, is that a lazy name. I guess ever since Avatar did “Unobtainium”, all bets were off.
11:30-1 am Saturday Night Live – Bill Hader hosts! I feel like that guy will probably do pretty well. He just seems like a good comedy guy, you know?
7:30-8 Bob’s Burgers – The kids try to find a long-rumored hidden room of homemade ceramics at their school, while Teddy gets obsessed with online reviews of his new phone repair service. Also, the title is “The Secret Ceramic Room of Secrets”, which is one of my favorite joke structures. The comin’ train’s a’comin’.
8-8:30 The Simpsons – Homer is accused of art theft and only a detective from the ’70s can clear his name. That sounds bonkers and I love it very much.
8:30-9 Brooklyn Nine-Nine – It’s back! On a new night! Or an old night, I guess. They’ve spent years switching from Sunday to Tuesday and back again. Anyway, the 99 has to put Kevin up in a safe house, and it sounds to me like spunkybuddy Marc Evan Jackson is getting some screen time!
9:30-10 The Last Man on Earth – Tandy and Todd try to convince the gang that something is wrong with Karl. It’s been months and I barely remember Karl’s deal… Oh yeah. Cannibal.
9-10 Instinct – SERIES PREMIERE! Alan Cumming stars in this show about a former CIA operative trying to catch a serial killer. I watched the trailer for this show and wrote about it, and I don’t remember a single thing about it. It seems like it’s aimed at my mom, only she would never watch something where there was a chance she might have to see serial killing.
10-11 Deception – FBI Magician! Part two! I was at a bar and the people next to me were discussing this show (this was before the premiere) and I wanted to make friends with them so we could talk about this, but then the conversation turned to how much they like Crashing, and I had to end our imaginary friendship.
10-11 Timeless – The team goes to the 1950s and gets involved in stock car racing. They meet Wendell Scott, the first African-American NASCAR driver. How far in the future do you think they have to go to meet the second?
8-9 Counterpart – In part one of ‘No Man’s Land’…. hey? I love this show but this is breaking news. The season finale of Gotham is also going to be titled ‘No Man’s Land’, which is presumably a tribute to the much-beloved 52-part Batman story where Gotham City is cut off from the rest of America. (This was incorporated into Dark Knight Rises.) If there is any chance that Season Five, if it happens, would be a reimagining of that story without Batman, I would lose my mind. I need this in my life.
9-9:30 Ash vs. Evil Dead – Ash’s dead dad returns to warn him of an otherworldly attack while Kelly and Brandy face a familiar foe. I know they did it in Season One, but I’m hoping it’s Ash’s hand. I like that his own severed hand is the one enemy Ash can’t ever destroy.
9-10:10 The Walking Dead – Rick comes face to face with an adversary. And still, nothing will be resolved.
10:10-11:10 Talking Dead – A panel of guests discuss the new episode. This week’s panel: Zorak, Brak, and Moltar.
“I just don’t understand why you won’t let me draft the players I want. It’s fantasy football, so the Hulk should be able to turn on the team.” — Rafi
“As long as the dead guy says there’s a reason, well, then I guess everything’s going to be just peachy.” — Frank Lapidus