Hi all!

So, there’s a lot to watch this week, but there isn’t really much in the way of premieres until you get to Sunday and then, BAM!, Westworld is back. These violent delights have violent ends. I’m pretty geeked, and that’s really all I have to say by way of introduction this time out.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

MONDAY

ABC

10-11 The Crossing – There are a lot of things in the listing, but this one makes me laugh – “Jude’s plan to spend quality time with his son leads to a terrifying ordeal”. The phrasing of that is very funny, whether or not they meant it to be.

NBC

10-11 Good Girls – The women have to pull another heist because they’re being blackmailed by Allison Tolman. Her character, I mean. Allison Tolman would never blackmail anybody because she learned how that can go wrong when she was on Review.

AMC

9-10 The Terror – A strange malady begins to take hold. I’m finally getting caught up on this show, and it is great. It’s a slow build and it’s hard to tell the characters apart, but the story itself is gripping.

LIFETIME

10-11 UnREAL – Rachel confronts her mother, Serena faces somebody from her past and the main characters will continue to be completely dead inside. Remember when they felt guilt when terrible things happened? Now that they’ve racked up a couple of deaths, they just don’t care anymore.

TBS

10:30-11 Final Space – Gary learns that his prison sentence is over and now he has to face the future. Oh man, he’s gonna pull a Brooks!

 

TUESDAY

FOX

9-9:30 LA to Vegas – Ronnie plans a dinner party and Colin brings his Uber driver as a date. Hey, speaking of Uber. I really only use it when I’m on vacation since it isn’t super effective locally and I have a car. So I’ve used it maybe 15 times total. Before I went to Chicago a few months ago, I had a five star rating as a passenger. I opened the app for the first time since that trip recently and I was down to 4.66. That means one of the drivers I had that weekend gave me a really bad score and I didn’t do anything wrong. I sit quietly, I pretend I like the music they’re playing. I tipped everyone, including the guy who almost killed me. I have an enemy out there.

9:30-10 New Girl – Jess gets drunk and decides to demand more responsibility at work while Nick struggles to come up with ideas for a new book. I don’t want to brag, but I came up with a Muggsy Bogues-themed sports bar where everything is a little too large, so clearly I’m what they call an idea man.

FX

10-11:15 Legion – David navigates the maze. But what if the maze isn’t for him? Sorry, I’m just super geeked about Westworld coming back. I’m less geeked about having to recap both Legion and Westworld at the same time. That’s gonna be a rough haul.

TBS

10:30-11 The Last O.G. – Tray intercepts the school and takes them for a trip down memory lane. It would be so good if that was just an actual street name.

TRUTV

11-12 am The Chris Gethard Show – Chris and Aubrey Plaza churn some butter. And on this show, there’s no way that’s a euphemism.

 

WEDNESDAY

CBS

8-9 Survivor – This episode features a classic eating challenge. That will be a welcome break from the “How long can you balance?” challenges. Also, there are two kinds of eating challenges on this show, and they’re hilariously gross for different reasons. You have the challenge where they eat bugs and stuff that isn’t really food, which is good. But then they have those food auctions where after thirty days or rice they suddenly get like burgers and stuff and everybody gets just roaring diarrhea. They don’t point out that part like they used to, but you know it’s happening.

FX

10-11:15 The Americans – Elizabeth takes extreme measures to get close to a Soviet negotiator. And Philip shares “stunning news’ with Henry. I think the fact that they remembered Henry exists is stunning in and of itself.

 

THURSDAY

FOX

8-9 GothamA clever thief pulls off a string of bank robberies and Tabitha has to recruit help when Barbara is in danger. Huh. I feel like bank robberies are a bit of a step down from “coalition of supervillains tries to gas the city”, but we’re near the end of the season so there’s probably more going on than that.

NBC

8:30-9 A.P. Bio – Durbin’s chances of Principal of the Year are in jeopardy when the superintendent visits. It’s a total Skinner / Chalmers situation. Somebody is going to end up with a plate of steamed hams before the night is over.

FX

10-10:40 Atlanta“It is believed wealth has something to do with Paper Boi’s attitude.” Not only is it vague, it’s in passive voice!

TV LAND

10-10:30 Nobodies – OK, so this show was on TV Land last year. It moved to the Paramount Network for the second season but midway through, it went back to TV Land. I don’t even know what’s going on anymore.

 

FRIDAY

FOX

8-10 MasterChef Junior – Two episodes! One of them focuses on eggs benedict, which is very good and now I’m hungry for just that. You win again, Egg Lobby!

ABC

9-10 Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – The team must stop Ruby before she can put the chain reaction to destroy Earth in motion. Between this show and Ash vs. Evil Dead, there’s a big emphasis on women named Ruby trying to destroy the world.

 

SUNDAY

FOX

7:30-8 Bob’s Burgers – The kids go to Outdoor Education and meet a hermit. You know, if somebody says they’re a hermit I’m all “good for them!”, but if they say they’re “living off the grid” I immediately think ill of them and wish for an emergency that telecommunications will have to resolve so they’ll feel bad about their choices.

8-8:30 The Simpsons – The family visits New Orleans and “Homer is intrigued by drinking”. I would think he’d have some familiarity with the concept by now.

8:30-9 Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Jason Mantzoukas returns as Adrian gets a new job as an insurance adjustor. Oh, that is amazing. More Zouks is always good news!

9:30-10 The Last Man on Earth – A thermal heat detector reveals a potential sign of life, but Tandy is reluctant to check it out. I mean, they haven’t had the best luck with new people lately…

STARZ

9-9:30 Ash vs. Evil Dead – Pablo has to straddle the worlds of good and evil so Ash can save both Brandy and Kelly from, well, being dead. Also, Ruby battles the Dark One which I assume is just so that she can take his job. Not so much with the altruism, that one.

AMC

9-10 Fear the Walking Dead – The big season premiere reboot hasn’t aired as I write this, but I feel like it’s probably the good Walking Dead show now. I mean, it’d have to be.

10-11 Into the BadlandsSEASON PREMIERE! The martial arts drama is back for another season that’ll probably be relentlessly entertaining but also dumb as dirt.

HBO

9-10:15 Westworld – SEASON PREMIERE! Oh yeah! I am pumped for this return! I need my robots and cowboys and mysteries. I’m staying spoilee-free so I don’t even know what this season is about but according to the official description, “The puppet show is over”.

10:15-10:45 Silicon Valley Gavin questions his future and Richard is forced to work with a new artificial intelligence company. You know, I liked the character of Erlich a lot, but man, they really dodged a bullet there. Or multiple bullets from the same gun, I guess.

10:45-11:15 Barry – A scene from Macbeth pushes Barry and Sally further apart, while Moss interrogates the acting class. No mention of what NoHo Hank is up to, but you know it’ll be great.

 

“It’s just Thursday. Like the 260th Thursday on the cruise ship ‘Mental Health’. On the plus side, I’ve mastered eating with a spoon.” — David Haller

 

“If we can make your audio and video files smaller, we can make cancer smaller. And hunger. And…. AIDS.” – Gavin Belson

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