Hi all!

TV is starting to snap out of its holiday slumber and we’ve got some shows to watch. It still allows for some free time, which is rad because I got some video games for Christmas and Horizon Zero Dawn isn’t going to play itself. David Letterman returns to TV this week and I am praying he keeps the crazy guy beard he’s been sporting recently. Dude’s interviewing Obama and looking like he got second place on Whisker Wars.

Here’s what to watch on TV this week!

 

MONDAY

So here’s a bummer. After being back for one week, The Gifted is a repeat tonight and I don’t have anything to talk about. And that show is fine but I was excited to talk about it because last week I forgot to mention that they added the Stepford Cuckoos to the cast. Between the Cuckoos, Professor Pyg on Gotham, and Happy!, we’re in the middle of a Grant Morrison TV Renaissance and it’s going to be a shame if Legends of Tomorrow doesn’t get on board and bring in his version of Frankenstein or Aztek the Ultimate Man. Also, are we establishing the precedent that on a night when I don’t have any listings, I can just talk about Grant Morrison instead?

 

TUESDAY

NBC

9-10 This Is Us – The Pearsons come together under unexpected circumstances and Jack surprises the family with a summer vacation. A summer vacation…. of death! That’s probably not true, but Jack’s death is such a big old Sword of Damocles at this point. I think they need to tell that story sooner rather than later. And since they jump through time, they’re not even writing the actor out. Just get to it so we’re not waiting for him to fall into a manhole every time he walks down the street.

FOX

9-9:30 LA to Vegas – I liked the first episode just fine but I have no idea if it’s sustainable with such a limited setting. Let’s see how it plays out this week when there’s a corpse on the plane.

 

WEDNESDAY

CBS

8-9 The Amazing Race – Somehow, in all the “excitement” over Jessica and rogue Host Cody from BB19 appearing this season, I totally missed that world champion competitive eater Joey Chestnut is on one of the teams. This is already a weird season.

FOX

8-9 The X-Files – A chilling secret is revealed when an old friend reaches out in a seemingly impossible way. And if you’ve seen the trailer, you know who that friend is and why it’s impossible. This should be good!

ABC

8-8:30 The Goldbergs – Geoff had dinner with the Goldbergs and hits his breaking point. Who could have guess he spelled his name that way?

9-9:30 Modern Family – Phil goes to the hospital for emergency surgery and I’m not kidding when I say that’s the second time it’s happened this season. Phil might have bigger problems.

SYFY

10-10:46 Happy! – Sax and Happy go their separate ways, while Internal Affairs investigates Merry. I love this show and I still can’t get over the weird runtimes.

 

THURSDAY

NBC

8:30-9 The Good Place – Michael debuts a new design while Eleanor’s idea has everybody (including Janet) laying their feelings on the line. I will never in my life write anything as funny as the bit in last week’s episode where Hell’s playlist was Puddle of Mudd, “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”, and Puddle of Mudd and “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” at the same time.

9:30-10 Great News – The staff is embroiled in a lawsuit with an eccentric billionaire and I really want it to be one of Jack Donaghy’s friends because I desperately need Tina Fey’s shows to exist in the same continuity.

BRAVO

10-11 Top Chef – The chefs create German-inspired dishes and Richard Blais stops by, possibly to use liquid nitrogen in a recipe and act like he’s blowing everybody’s mind.

 

FRIDAY

FOX

8-9 Hell’s Kitchen – They chefs face a series of challenges including re-creating a dish and making another dish out of mystery ingredients. I’m sure they won’t be that mysterious because they can probably identify them using their senses.

CW

8-9 Crazy Ex-Girlfriend – Rebecca discovers the powers and limitations of altruism. I just noticed that for the first two-and-a-half seasons, every episode title mentions Josh. But as of a couple of weeks ago they’ve started mixing it up but each title still includes a man’s name. I’m predicting that when Rebecca finally has a breakthrough, there will be no other name in the episode title.

ABC

9-10 Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – Just as the team reunited, they become prey for a Kree warrior. Man, if there is one thing that will get me to check out on a Marvel comic, it’s bringing in the Kree. I mean, the immense floating head who leads them is cool, but that’s it.

NETFLIX

My Next Guest Needs No Introduction – Bearded weirdo David Letterman returns to TV with this monthly series. Each episode is built around a single interview and this time the guest is President Barack Obama. I miss Dave and I like the idea of him taking a more thoughtful approach. This should be good!

Somebody Feed Phil – Netflix picked up the second season of the PBS show originally titled I’ll Have What Phil’s Having. It’s a food show hosted by Everybody Loves Raymond co-creator Phil Rosenthal, in which Phil travels to new places, make friends, and eats food. The first season was really wonderful and I’m looking forward to this.

AMAZON

Philip K. Dick’s Electric Dreams – Amazon has their own Black Mirror with this anthology series based on Dick’s short stories. Hopefully loosely based, because those stories can be rough. I can only watch so many episodes where the twist is that the protagonist is being poisoned by the government.

 

SATURDAY

NBC

11:30-1 am Saturday Night Live – Hey, Sam Rockwell hosts! I like Sam Rockwell a lot, but he’s got a weird vibe and I don’t know if it translates to live sketch comedy. It’ll be memorable!

 

SUNDAY

FOX

8-8:30 The Simpsons – Mr. Burns hires Frink to determine which of Springfield’s residents are worth saving in the event of the end of the world. “Aw, come on. Ol’ Gil needs a spot in that shelter. Just a couple square feet and he can turn things around.”

8:30-9 Bob’s Burgers – The Belcher women have a night out in a Valentine’s Day episode, which leads me to believe we won’t see another episode before the end of February. So obviously, I have a lot of mixed emotions.

9:30-10 The Last Man on Earth – Tandy and Todd introduce Karl to the rest of the gang and they continue the search for the missing Jasper. I realized a couple of weeks ago that his name isn’t even Jasper and it’s just something that evolved from Tandy seeing his backpack and thinking his name was “Jansport”. What is this boy’s real name?

HBO

10:30-11 Crashing – SEASON PREMIERE! Hey? I’m not going to list this show every week because I really don’t like it and I only watch it to support Lauren Lapkus. But for those of you who want to see Pete Holmes’ fan fiction about himself, the new season starts tonight. (Prediction: One thousand characters will tell Pete how funny he is this season.)

 

“I was a murderer before you turned me into a freak, so I don’t know why you thought this was gonna have a happy ending.” — Barry Dylan

 

“I never knew how much I’d miss Zoidberg until he was gone. Not that much, it turns out.” — Professor Farnsworth

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