TV Shows on TV – After the Triumph, a Schedule (February 6-12)

Hi all!

I’m writing this after the Super Bowl, which means it is late and I’m tired.  However, I  think it’s awesome that Will Arnett is the new Hulu spokesman, and it’s especially great that he actually quotes Arrested Development in one of the ads.  This is all I have to say by way of introduction.  Next week, I have another installment in the saga of the woman who keeps mistakenly texting me.  Suffice it say, there was more contact and then the confusion was resolved.  It was very exciting, but it’ll wait for another day.

Here’s what you’ll be watching this week!

MONDAY

NBC

8-10 THE VOICE – Second round of auditions!  Great – two shows with audition rounds and minimal information in the listings. 

10-11 SMASH – Series Premiere!  It’s like Glee for grown-ups!  Two women compete for a role as Marilyn Monroe in a musical.  NBC is pinning a lot of their hopes on this show, and I don’t know thatAmerica is really hungering for a prime time musical.  The pilot’s been on iTunes – my friend Lana reports that it’s pretty good but doesn’t seem like the premise is sustainable for very long.

ABC

8-10 THE BACHELOR – Kacie B. opens up to Ben, while Chris confronts Casey S. about a secret.  You know, I really don’t think you need to use the initials to differentiate them when their names are spelled differently.  But thanks for the help, ABC!

FOX

8-9 HOUSE – House and the team are under review after a violent incident.  This is supposed to be a huge episode, and they’re promoting it heavily.  If you watch just one House episode this year… well, you’d probably be really confused if you picked one at midseason.  Never mind.

9-10ALCATRAZ– An Alcatraz guard resurfaces.  Presumably, he doesn’t pose the same threat as the inmates, but it won’t make for very compelling TV if he returns and he’s totally cool with everything.  Maybe he’ll try and get another job as a guard somewhere.

CBS

8-8:30 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER – Lily and Marshall throw a housewarming party.  Hey, have I mentioned my theory about this show?  Ted is an unreliable narrator – he’s telling his kids an idealized version of his past, as evidenced by the fact that the narrator is a totally different person who doesn’t sound even a little bit like modern day Ted.  Essentially, he’s lying to his kids.

CW

9-10 HART OF DIXIE – Oh man, another Bluebell tradition with the Sweetie Pie Dance, an event Zoe chooses not to attend.  Well, would you?  Also, Lemon sets her father, Brick, up on a date.  Hopefully with a nice woman whose name is also an inanimate object.  I hope he and Icebox get along!

 

TUESDAY

NBC

8-10 THE BIGGEST LOSER – The losers of a dunk tank challenge face a week without a trainer.  I love that they’ve abandoned all pretense of dignity on this show.  And you know what’s good for people who are trying to stick to a training regimen?  Losing their trainers.

10-11 PARENTHOOD – Sarah and Mark discuss the idea of having a baby, while Joel and Julia reconsider their adoption agreement.  Babies all over this episode! 

FOX

8-9 GLEE – Ricky Martin plays a night school teacher.  Wait, the high school has night classes?  You know what?  Don’t even care anymore.  Just marking off time until the end of the season.

9-9:30 NEW GIRL – Jess decides to befriend the landlord, which just causes trouble for everybody.  Also, Schmidt thinks his boss is sending him mixed signals.  I don’t have any jokes – this show has been totally delightful.

9:30-10 RAISING HOPE – Virginia decides to become a tarot card reader and Sabrina considers moving toAfricawith her boyfriend.  Finally, somebody’s taking the tarot card readers down a peg!

ABC

9-11 THE RIVER – Series Premiere!  People head out to find an adventurer who disappeared on theAmazon River.  Theoretically, this is something I should be interested in, and yet it just isn’t happening. 

DISCOVERY

9-10 DIRTY JOBS – Mike celebrates a milestone, having now done a dirty job in each of the fifty states.  Which one was the holdout? Massachusetts, I bet.  They don’t like to get dirty there.

FX

10-11 JUSTIFIED – Raylan tracks down a couple of old adversaries after a prison break, while Boyd confronts a traitor in his inner circle.  Well, if I know Boyd Crowder, they’ll talk things out and come away with a fuller understanding of one another.

 

WEDNESDAY

FOX

8-9 AMERICAN IDOL – The Hollywood Round begins!  I actually don’t know what that means.  Is this when they separate them into different rooms so they can traumatize a whole bunch of children at once?

ABC

9-9:30 MODERN FAMILY – Greg Kinnear appears as Phil’s new business partner.  Cameron and Mitchell stay with Jay and Gloria while their house is being fumigated – that sounds like comedy gold.  We haven’t seen much of Cam and Manny together, so here’s hoping!

9:30-10 HAPPY ENDINGS – Everybody has a rough Valentine’s Day, and if it weren’t for this episode listing, I would have forgotten that particular holiday was even happening.  Sigh.  I am dead inside.

10-11 REVENGE – Everything starts to unravel and Emily and Daniel’s engagement party.  And this being Revenge, it’s not a simple kind of “social awkwardness” unraveling.  They go big on this show!

BRAVO

10-11 TOP CHEF:TEXAS– The chefs navigate the pantry blindfolded, while the winner of that second chance web series that nobody cares about comes back to the show. 

 

THURSDAY

NBC

8-9 30 ROCK – It’s a one-hour episode, which means on Parks and Rec this week.  It’s like NBC is trying to turn me against this show.  On the plus side, Liz and Criss need a dining room table so they can celebrate Valentine’s Day, while Frank and Tracy try to find a date for Lutz.  At least they put their two finest minds to work on that task!

9-9:30 THE OFFICE – Dwight has to pick the employees to take on a special assignment in Tallahassee.  Who wouldn’t want to head out to a remote location with Dwight? 

9:30-10 UP ALL NIGHT – An epic fight between Kevin and Ava makes Chris and Reagan wistful for relationship drama.  Hee.  I get that – that’s how you get your edge, man!

ABC

8-9 WIPEOUT – Special Valentine’s Day episode!  OK, now they’re just rubbing my nose in it.

CBS

8-8:30 THE BIG BANG THEORY – No information available.  What do you want to bet it’s Valentine-themed?  Because TV is taunting me, that’s why.

9-10 PERSON OF INTEREST – Finch fears the machine will be discovered, and Astro guest-stars.  I have no idea if that is a person or if the actual Jetson’s dog is on the show. 

FOX

8-9 AMERICAN IDOL – Part two of the Hollywood Round, and I haven’t come to a greater understanding of that concept in the last twenty minutes.

FX

10-10:30 ARCHER – It’s Archer’s birthday, and his mother surprises him with a spy car.  Which Archer promptly loses.  How is that guy ever sober enough to drive anyway?

CARTOON NETWORK

12-12:30 am DELOCATED – Jon gets obsessed with potato skins, and the Mirminskys plan revenge.   For the assassination of their father, not for the potato skins.  That’s an important point, I think.

 

FRIDAY

FOX

8-9 KITCHEN NIGHTMARES – Gordon goes to a steakhouse called “Spin a Yarn”.  Well, never having seen the place, I can point to a pretty serious problem right off the bat.

9-10 FRINGE – Olivia, Peter, and Walter are unable to escape a town.  It’s the Fringe version of In the Mouth of Madness!  Or, more hilariously, Groundhog Day.  Definitely one of those two, though.

IFC

10-10:30 PORTLANDIA – A band takes a new member and gains a groupie.  They are not giving me much to work with here.  What is this, The Voice?  I can’t write jokes about nothing!

10:30-11 THE INCREASINGLY POOR DECISIONS OF TODD MARGARET – Season Finale!  I think it’s actually the series finale, too.  We finally see Todd’s trial, as all the disparate threads from the series come together – What’s Dave’s game?  Why is Todd in the clutches of the Chinese Army?  Can Brent get the company’s money back?  What about the Turks?  And will Jon Hamm ever get back to the set of Mad Men?  I can’t wait!

 

SATURDAY

ABC

8-9 BE MY VALENTINE, CHARLIE BROWN – Two specials for the price of one!  The classic original, and a short animated directly from a run of Peanuts strips.  Awww, the little Red-Haired Girl…

9-11 COUGAR TOWN MARATHON – Yeah, Abed’s favorite show is back next week, so here’s a mini-marathon to start you off.  I think it even includes the episode where Abed is an extra.  You should watch it!

NBC

11:30-1 am SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE – Zooey Deschanel hosts.  Officially, I think that’s pretty great.  But once again, they’re using SNL to promote a competing network’s show.  I will never understand this.

SCIENCE

10-11 AN IDIOT ABROAD – Karl boards a deep-sea trawler inAlaskafor some whale watching.  It’s going to be tough to beat last week’s episode which had both an adorable dog and a discussion of gender identity. 

 

SUNDAY

CBS

8-11:30 THE GRAMMY AWARDS – Awards for the music industry!  I realize this is a big deal, but the only albums I bought this year were the new Tom Waits and the Childish Gambino release.  I don’t have a horse in this race, you know?

ABC

8-9 ONCE UPON A TIME – Mr. Gold’s house is robbed, and Emma suspects he’s seeking vigilante justice.  Which he probably is, because that dude is crazy.  And another LOST cast member shows up this week – watch for Claire!

FOX

8-8:30 THE SIMPSONS – Hey, a Valentine’s Day episode.  Even The Simpsons is turning on me.  But they are forgiven, because Michael Cera plays Lisa’s new crush. 

HBO

9-10 LUCK – Ace meets with a talented whiz kid.  Also, I think it’s indicative of the dire state of HBO’s current original programming slate that tonight’s schedule consists of three consecutive airings of this same episode.

AMC

10-11 COMIC BOOK MEN – Series Premiere!  You’d think I’d be interested in a reality series set inside a comic book store, but I’m really not.  For one thing, Kevin Smith is producing it, and it’s been ten years since he’s done something that I enjoyed.  Also, the show was “cast”, meaning they went into it with a narrative in mind and then found people to fill the roles.  Which is not uncommon on “reality” shows, but it is also not uncommon for reality shows of this stripe to be terrible.  So even though this sounds tailor-made for me, I’m going to bow out.  If it’s actually good, somebody let me know.  (Also, let me know if you liked Clerks 2.  If you did,  that’s a whole separate argument.)

“Accidents don’t just happen over and over and over again.  This isn’t budget day care.” – Annie Edison

“Maybe this cow is trying to communicate with us the only way it knows how – with its feces.” – Tina Belcher

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