View-Do List: The Water-Method Schedule

By adminwp On August 3, 2009 · Leave a Comment · In View-Do Lists

Hi all!

You know, I saw a preview for Martin Scorsese’s new movie. It’s called Shutter Island, and it appears to be, no kidding, a paranormal thriller. I love that he got his Oscar and then just went nuts. Probably his next movie will be a wacky high school comedy about nerds trying to get some. Basically, I’m talking about a movie preview to camouflage the fact that I have basically done nothing but watch episodes of Home Movies for the last two days. Perry and Walter make me laugh so hard, you guys.

Here’s what you’ll be watching this week!

MONDAY

You know, last season I often had a four-way programming pileup on Monday nights, and this week I’ve got nothing. I guess the House episode about the psychic death cat is on at 8, and that’s certainly worth a rewatch. Still, the lack of shows to watch tonight worries me. Oh, wait. Here’s something:

COMEDY CENTRAL

9-11 BENDER’S BIG SCORE – Sure, you probably have the DVD already, but this first of the Futurama movies is really quite fantastic. Torgo’s Executive Powder, the increasingly complicated events of December 31, 1999, and naked alien Internet scammers. I love this movie so much, and its overall awesomeness helped ensure next year’s Futurama return. Also, if you watch it in conjunction with Season Five of Lost, you will have a completed understanding of time travel.

TUESDAY

ABC

8-9:30 THE SUPERSTARS – Season Finale! This got bumped last week so that ABC could re-air the previous night’s Bachelorette finale. Even worse, they also bumped Better Off Ted, which now won’t air until next week. Way to be, ABC.

FOX

8-9 HELL’S KITCHEN – You guys, this season’s going to last about three weeks with the multiple firings and injuries. Anyway, this week has celebrities attending the dinner service. Namely, Drew (Dancing with the Stars) Lachey, John (Seinfeld, Dancing with the Stars) O’Hurley, Melinda (The OC) Clarke, Tom (Celebrity Apprentice) Green, and Kristy (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) Swanson. This entry? Has a lot of italics.

CBS

9-10 BIG BROTHER – Veto week! Can they finally get rid of Ronnie? Will Lydia continue to be a crazy lady? Will I still feel searing hatred of Natalie? Well, the answer to the last one is definitely “yes”, at least.

10-11 RESCUE ME – This show has the weirdest episode descriptions. Every week they sound like they were translated from English to Japanese and back again. Example from this week: “A no-nonsense woman, looking for a date, shows up at the firehouse talking trash”.

WEDNESDAY

NBC

8-9 TV’S 50 FUNNIEST PHRASES – Yep, it’s a countdown of TV’s funniest catchphrases. I can guarantee that the following will not make the list, but definitely should. “Your last name is Girelli?”, “Do I look like Montel Williams?”, “I’ve made a huge mistake”, or “Slideshow! She’s in it!” Heck, I’d even accept “You want the mustache on or off?” or “Did you get that thing I sent you?” Man, my version of this show would be way more hilarious than the actual version. Come on, “No flipping”! “What do you think, sirs?” “Tim Stalin? In Accounting?” Seriously, which version of the show would you rather watch?

ABC

8-9 WIPEOUT – This episode brings back former contestants for another shot at the grand prize. Well, the former contestants who aren’t still in traction.

9-11 I SURVIVED A JAPANESE GAME SHOW – Season Finale! See that? It’s two hours or insane trans-Pacific shenanigans. Dead fish and trampolines will factor into this episode, so you can imagine my excitement. Hai, Majide!

FOX

9-10 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE – We’re down to the top four! Man, they pretty much haul through these seasons, don’t they? You lose two people a week, you’ve got a winner in no time flat.

BRAVO

10-11 TOP CHEF MASTERS – The final five create a meal for Zooey Deschanel. You just know she’s totally high maintenance about her meals, right? If I may paraphrase The Simpsons, she just seems like she’s a fifth-level Vegan. She won’t eat anything that casts a shadow.

COMEDY CENTRAL

10:30-11 MICHAEL AND MICHAEL HAVE ISSUES – Michael Ian Black leaves the brunt of the show’s workload for Michael Showalter. I sort of feel like that’s a reasonably accurate portrayal of the way this show is actually made.

THURSDAY

CBS

8-9 BIG BROTHER – Live Elimination! Unless Russell burns Jeff (and by extension, the entire viewing audience), I imagine we’ll be happy with the results tonight. If not, there’s always the coup d’etat.

NBC

8-10 30 ROCK / PARKS AND RECREATION / THE OFFICE / 30 ROCK – Sure, they’re all repeats, but it’s an evening of pretty great episodes. In fact, the 8 PM 30 Rock is the Season Two episode guest-starring Carrie Fisher and featuring the immortal line “Never follow a hippie to a second location!”

FOX

8-10 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE – Season Finale! The winner is announced! Dreams are shattered! Something called “The Rage Boyz Crew” has something to do with it! This show makes me feel like I’m a thousand years old.

USA

9-10 BURN NOTICE – Summer Finale! Yep, this episode finishes up the Summer season, and we won’t see Michael again until January. And as of the last episode, it looks like Michael has been re-accepted by the intelligence community. What happens if Michael isn’t burned anymore? Is he going back to that life? I can’t wait!

FRIDAY

ABC

8:30-9 ; 9:30-10 THE GOODE FAMILY – Series Finale! Yep, it’s the final two episodes of Mike Judge’s swell comedy, aired non-consecutively. This is all your fault for not watching it. After a weak pilot, this show picked up quickly, but nobody listened to me. And your inactivity didn’t just kill this show, it also ensured that ABC won’t be picking up King of the Hill anymore. Excuse me. I just have… something in my eye.

USA

9-10 MONK – Season Premiere! The final season begins here, with Monk taking a job as bodyguard for a former child star. How frail do your enemies have to be that Monk makes for a reasonable bodyguard?

SATURDAY

ABC

10-11 DIRTY SEXY MONEY – Series Finale! Can they wrap up all the dangling plot threads in one episode? Given that part of the listing is “Brian decides to redecorate Nick’s apartment”, I have to assume they’re not even going to try.

SUNDAY

CBS

8-9 BIG BROTHER – Nomination episode! So, is it just me or did the whole clique gimmick end up having no effect on the game whatsoever? That tends to happen with Big Brother gimmicks. Like when Cowboy and Nakomis were actually half-siblings, only they figured it out pretty quickly and ended up not really caring?

Ever yours,

Lumpy

“We’re in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere.” – Philip Fry

“There are four kinds of business: tourism, food service, railroads, and sale. And hospitals / manufacturing. And air travel.” – Michael Scott