spunkybean - View-Do List: The Schedule Loves You as it Loved Jacob

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View-Do List: The Schedule Loves You as it Loved Jacob

Written by EJ Feddes

Monday, 08 February 2010 07:00

view-do-list Hi all! So, did anybody happen to see anything awesome that happened to involve people being on an Island, and maybe parallel universe versions of those same people who never ended up on that Island? If so, we should totally talk about it some more. Call me.

I’m getting a late start this week, largely because I spent too much time playing video games and putting together bookshelves. You know who’s got way too many books? This guy, right here. It makes me look like I’m brainy. But the sad reality is that I spent 30 minutes looking for my iPod, which turned out to be in my pocket. (The preceding paragraph brought to you by boring personal information about EJ.)

The Olympics start at the end of the week, Heroes comes to the end of its season (and possibly of the series), and Lost keeps on rocking it out. Good week ahead of us. Oh, and in a piece of news that I can’t think of another place to insert, did you know that Nicolas Cage is starring in two movies this spring in which he plays a wizard? The sad part is that he probably thinks that’s awesome. Also, Valentine’s Day is on Sunday. This is probably more noteworthy for those of you who aren’t dead inside.

Here’s what you’ll be watching this week!

MONDAY

FOX

8-9 HOUSE – Oh, cool! This is the big Cuddy-focused episode they’ve been promising. Cuddy is one of my favorite characters, so this should be fantastic. Hey, did you know that Lisa Edelstein used to be the voice of Lex Luthor’s chauffeur? (When I don’t have a joke, I resort to Fun Facts!)

9-10 24 – Hey, have you guys seen that Sark from Alias is one of the bad guys this season? What’s awesome is that my friend Sam spent that entire series calling him “That fey Russian”, even though he was clearly English. Guess what country he’s from on 24? That’s right…

NBC

8-9 CHUCK – Morgan and Ellie try to get to the bottom of Chuck’s strange behavior. You know, Chuck has been increasingly sloppy this year. The character, not the show. He used to be pretty good at the cover-up, and then the dude learns kung-fu, and he just falls apart.

9-10 HEROES – Season Finale! Possibly the Series Finale, since it hasn’t been renewed yet and the ratings are ridiculously bad. Anyway, Samuel’s ready to go public and kill everybody, Peter and Sylar are teaming up, Bennet is trapped, and I’m sure that since it’s a season finale, they’ll still find a way to kill Nathan.

CBS

8-8:30 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER – Lily and Marshall forget to fix Ted up with a blind date. Last time a friend fixed me up with a blind date, they forgot to tell the other person. It was weird, frankly.

9:30-10 THE BIG BANG THEORY – Leonard gets to see the Large Hadron Collider on Valentine’s Day. Collider? I hardly know ‘er! I’m sorry, that was stupid and beneath us all.

ABC
8-10 THE BACHELOR: ON THE WINGS OF LOVE – Hometown visits! One bachelorette makes a surprise visit to Jake’s room. That could be either crazy, sexy, or crazy sexy, depending on the context.

*** all Late Night listings are lovingly copy & pasted from Talk Show News ***

David Letterman: Sandra Bullock, Josh Turner
Jay Leno: Emma Roberts
Conan O'Brien: Seth Rogen, Rose Byrne, Eric Hutchinson (R 7/24/09)
Jimmy Kimmel: Eric Dane, Kourtney Kardashian, the Bravery (R 2/4/10)
Craig Ferguson: Pierce Brosnan, Patty Griffin
Jimmy Fallon: Stephen Colbert, Willie Garson, Eric Ripert
Tavis Smiley: Richard Schiff
Daily Show: Jenny Sanford
Colbert Report: Jonathan Safran Foer
Chelsea Lately: Ozzy Osbourne, Matt Braunger, Randy Sklar, Jason Sklar
Lopez Tonight: Jamie Foxx, Garry Marshall
The View: Jenny Sanford, Dr. Mehmet Oz
Regis and Kelly: Bill Paxton
Ellen DeGeneres: Jessica Alba, Snooki, Pauly D and The Situation
Bonnie Hunt: Cobie Smulders, Kelly Cutrone, David Rasche.

“Two days after I found out that I had a fatal tumor on my spine, a spinal surgeon fell out of the sky. If that’s not proof of God, I don’t know what is.” – Benjamin “Benry” Linus

TUESDAY

NBC

8-10 THE BIGGEST LOSER – Olympic skiers help train the contestants. Shouldn’t they be practicing for the upcoming Games? I mean, it’s this week.

FOX

8-9 AMERICAN IDOL – Part one of the Hollywood round, introducing Ellen DeGeneres as the new Paula Abdul. It’ll be interesting to see how that works out – not only does Ellen have no musical background, but the appeal of Paula was that she was drunk and high all the time. The dynamics will be weird, I think.

9-10 PAST LIFE – Series Premiere! OK, this show is about detectives who solve past life murders. Like, if you’re a reincarnated murder victim, they’ll take your case. In other words, this is going to be the worst show on network TV.

ABC

9-10 LOST – Kate finds herself on the run, while Jack endangers a friend. I have to assume that we’re talking about the parallel universe Kate. And frankly, it could be either version of Jack. Plus, Evil Locke rallies his forces, Jacob is dead, and there’s a freaking parallel universe. This episode is rated A! For Awesome! And be sure you check spunkybean on Tuesday morning for the pre-game report.

DISCOVERY

9-10 DIRTY JOBS – Hey, Mike is in Michigan for the second time this season! I’m telling you, we’re this close to being BFF’s. This time, he works at a bone black plant, and I have not the slightest idea of what that might be.

David Letterman: Jennifer Garner, the "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit issue cover model, Sade
Jay Leno: Ashton Kutcher, Bob Costas
Conan O'Brien: Mike Tyson, Keith Barry, Matisyahu (R 8/27/09)
Jimmy Kimmel: Dave Salmoni and animals, Ryan Bingham
Craig Ferguson: Carrie Fisher, Donald Glover
Jimmy Fallon: Bill Paxton, James Van Der Beek, Jeff Musial, Regina Spektor
Tavis Smiley: James Horner, Thomas Ricks
Daily Show: Newt Gingrich
Colbert Report: George Stephanopoulos
Chelsea Lately: Amanda Seyfried, John Caparulo, Natasha Leggero, Chris Franjola
Lopez Tonight: Topher Grace, Jewel
The View: Jeremy Renner, Kevin & Hannah Salwen
Regis and Kelly: Rosario Dawson
Ellen DeGeneres: Bradley Cooper, Emily Blunt
Bonnie Hunt: Melina Kanakaredes, Shorty Rossi

WEDNESDAY

ABC

8-8:30 A CHARLIE BROWN VALENTINE – Do you want an insight into the way I live my life? Watch this holiday classic, and mentally replace Charlie Brown with a dude who talks about Batman all the time.

9-9:30 MODERN FAMILY – In this Valentine’s Day episode, Claire and Phil go on a date, Jay and Gloria hit a comedy club, and Cameron and Mitchell try to fix Manny up. Me, I’m just kind of hoping that Phil’s mustache makes a comeback.

FOX

8-9 HUMAN TARGET – Christopher Chance protects a DA who’s marked for death. I’m kind of liking this show in spite of myself, actually. That’s mostly because of Guerrero, though.

9-10 AMERICAN IDOL – Hollywood, round 2! I said everything I could think of in last night’s write-up. Pretend I said something funny here.

10-11 NIP/TUCK – It’s a big therapy episode. Matt and Liz each join a therapy session, while Sean and Christian see a counselor together. You know what? There are only a few episodes left. I’ve got five bucks that says those two just straight-up make out before the series is over.

David Letterman: Jessica Biel, Christoph Waltz
Conan O'Brien: Megan Fox, Louis C.K., Kevin Skinner (R 9/17/09)
Jimmy Kimmel: Emily Blunt, Bryan Greenberg, the Editors
Craig Ferguson: Kristen Bell, Jeff Stilson
Jimmy Fallon: Yeasayer
Tavis Smiley: Garry Marshall
Daily Show: Willie Mays
Colbert Report: Claire Danes
Chelsea Lately: Dave Salmoni, Christina Pazsitzky, Jo Koy, Greg Proops
Lopez Tonight: Ashton Kutcher, Emma Roberts, Carter Jenkins
The View: Jackie Collins, Tim Gunn, Sade
Regis and Kelly: Jennifer Garner, Ruby Gettinger
Ellen DeGeneres: Demi Moore, Channing Tatum, Michael Buble
Bonnie Hunt: Chris Kattan, Giuliana & Bill Rancic, Tammy Pescatelli

THURSDAY

NBC

8-8:30 COMMUNITY – Jeff makes a drunken phone call to Britta, while Annie and Shirley make plans to humiliate Sr. Chang. I don’t think that’s something you need to plan. Just stand there and wait. Nature will take its course.

8:30-9 PARKS AND RECREATION – Leslie reunites her mother with an old flame, while Andy’s band plays a gig at the Senior Center. Hee. OK, who’s your favorite dysfunctional Thursday couple – Andy and April of The Office’s Andy and Erin? They are both adorable, and yet a little heartbreaking.

9-9:30 THE OFFICE – Speaking of, Andy’s plan for Valentine’s Day backfires. Also, the Sabre CEO decides that either Michael or Jim must go back to being a salesman. You guys, I can’t help but think this episode is going to hurt.

9:30-10 30 ROCK – Jenna’s stalker loses interest, while Liz has a root canal. In delightful news, this episode guest-stars her three best ex-boyfriends – The Beeper King, Floyd, and Dr. Drew Baird. I predict this will be the best episode ever.

CBS

8-10 SURVIVOR – Season Premiere! It’s another all-star season – Heroes vs. Villains. Since this season has at least three Survivors who I never want to see again, namely Rupert, Coach, and Russell, this is going to be a hard sell for me.

ABC

9-10 GREY’S ANATOMY – Hey, this is a Valentine’s Day episode I can get behind. The roof of a romantic episode collapses, injuring dozens. Yeah!

10-10:30 ARCHER – Archer must rescue Lana from the clutches of Skorpio. Hey, this sounds like it might be an action-oriented episode. I think we all know that’s not really happening, though. Mostly, I’m hoping for more Johnny Bench gags. There’s a Facebook page for those, you know.

COMEDY CENTRAL

10-10:30 IMPORTANT THINGS WITH DEMETRI MARTIN – It looks like H. Jon Benjamin isn’t on the show this season. He is, however, on Archer. I’m not saying that should affect your viewing choices, but it should affect your viewing choices.

10:30-11 THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM – Sarah goes on a crusade to show how easy it is to make children’s entertainment. Well, for real. Have you seen the stupid stuff they like?

USA

10-11 BURN NOTICE – Hey, you know the problem with that SNL skit last week where the whole gag was that nobody watches Burn Notice? Yeah, it’s doing better than Leno’s primetime show. Also, NBC owns USA, so that was just weird.

LIFETIME

10-11 PROJECT RUNWAY – Lifetime doesn’t like to tell us what’s happening in the new episodes. I will, however, assume that it should be good. Yeah, I’m going out on a limb.

David Letterman: Regis and Joy Philbin, a Top Ten List presented by Benicio Del Toro
Conan O'Brien: Sienna Miller, Steve Schirripa, Deon Cole (R 8/5/09)
Jimmy Kimmel: Patrick Dempsey, Lake Bell, Greg Giraldo
Craig Ferguson: Don Rickles, Sonya Walger
Jimmy Fallon: John Lithgow, Kings of Convenience
Tavis Smiley: Daniel Pink
Colbert Report: Al Michaels, David Ross
Chelsea Lately: Whitney Cummings, Jeff Wild, Ross Mathews
Lopez Tonight: Jennifer Garner, Hector Elizando
The View: Benicio Del Toro
Regis and Kelly: Eric Dane, Kim Kardashian
Ellen DeGeneres: Patrick Dempsey
Bonnie Hunt: Brandon T. Jackson

FRIDAY

CARTOON NETWORK

7:30-8 BATMAN: THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD – Oh, man. This week is an adaptation of the insane 50’s story, “Batman: The Superman of Planet X”. The Batman of Zur-En-Arrh would be awesome enough, but given the way Grant Morrison reconfigured this story into the crazy homeless version of Batman, I am totally excited about this.

NBC

8-12 am WINTER OLYMPICS OPENING CEREMONIES – Remember the awesome ceremony in 2008? And then remember the closing ceremonies, where one million Chinese guys were dangling from the ceiling and juggling lit torches and making working bicycles out of there bodies and how cool that was? Then, they had a preview of the 2010 Games in London, in which Jimmy Page drove a bus into the arena and played “Whole Lotta Love”? That does not bode well for the level of spectacle here.

David Letterman: Jeff Bridges, Joe Wong, the Soft Pack
Jimmy Kimmel: Mark Wahlberg, the "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit issue cover model, Dashboard Confessional
Craig Ferguson: TBA
Jimmy Fallon: Benicio Del Toro, Selena Gomez
Tavis Smiley: Eve Ensler
Chelsea Lately: Shorty Rossi, Mo Mandel, Heather McDonald, Josh Wolf (R 2/3/10)
The View: Jeff Bridges, Katharine McPhee
Regis and Kelly: Jessica Biel
Ellen DeGeneres: Anne Hathaway, the "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit issue cover model
Bonnie Hunt: Phil Keoghan, Dorothy Hamill

SUNDAY

CBS

8-9 AMAZING RACE – Season Premiere! A new season of the Race is always cause for celebration, but this season is extra exciting, as Big Brother’s

Jordan

and Jeff will be competing as a team. I make no secret of my love for these two.

FOX

8-8:30 THE SIMPSONS – Homer and Marge compete as part of the curling team in the 2010 Olympics. Hey, if Stephen Colbert couldn’t make the cut, I doubt Homer can pull it off.

CARTOON NETWORK

12-12:30 am AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE – The episode is called “Rubberman”, and that’s all the information they’re giving us. Nice of them to let me end on a joke, right?

Ever yours,

Giovanni Zatara